Cross My Heart. AM Hartnett
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knew Seth better, she could see that they might have burned hot to start, but he would have left her charred. On those nights when they sat together on the fire escape she could feel the blackness inside him seep out to join the shadows around him. Some nights he drank too much and fell silent for long stretches. Other nights he caught himself before he said Rita’s name.
It’s possible that Seth would have indulged her fantasies like Ryan did, but even if she had been able to withstand his darkness, there still would have been Ryan. He still would have knocked her world off its axis, and things would have become messy.
She pressed the pillow against her face and breathed deeply, and then guilt pricked her.
Ryan would be furious if he knew she had gone ahead and made a second profile online. Not on the free site he had been trying, but one that cost her a tidy chunk off her credit card. She couldn’t take waiting any longer. If she wasn’t driven out of her mind by those filthy things he whispered in her ear while he played with her, she was twisted into knots watching his impatience grow.
In the three hours since she’d created the profile, she’d received almost twenty replies. There was a definite improvement, but no one had grabbed her so far. She hadn’t replied and wouldn’t until one of them really attracted her, and then she’d tell Ryan about it, let him have a little sulk and then show him what she’d found. If none of them appealed to her, she’d just close the account and think of all the things she could have bought with the money she’d spent.
‘Fuck! Goddamn motherfucking cocksucking bitch!’
Evie tossed the pillow aside and went to the window. She could see movement below, and when she pushed the window open all the way and poked her head out she couldn’t help her laughter.
Seth stood on the landing, soaked from the waist up.
‘Find the leak?’ she called to him.
He shot her a look as filthy as his language, then tugged his ponytail free. ‘I busted a pipe.’
‘But my vibrators are OK?’
The fury he directed towards her made her giggle, and Seth followed suit as he shook his soaked hair.
‘As long as they’re waterproof,’ he said, and leaned back against the railing. ‘It’s not that bad. I’ll clean up the floor before you get home but I’m going to have to call the plumber. Oh, look at this dirty little fucker coming to gloat.’
Marco had pattered up the fire escape and now rubbed himself against Seth’s calves.
Seth wrung out his hair and flung the water at his pet. Marco jerked but nonetheless resumed his worship.
‘I’ll throw your towels in the wash, too,’ he called up, but Evie just shook her head.
‘Don’t worry about it. I’ve got to do a load tomorrow anyway. Just hang them up and I’ll get them. You going to the hardware store?’
He picked the cat up and cradled it in one arm. ‘Wasn’t planning on it, but I am now.’
‘Good. I’ll go with you. There’s a dollar store next door and I need a few things, then I’ll make you a tea while you fix my busted pipe. Hey, Seth!’
He looked up again, and Evie snapped a picture.
‘You put that on the Internet and I’ll kill you,’ he warned.
‘How would you know? You have a flip-phone. You probably still have an AOL account. If I put it online you’ll never find it. Change your shirt. I’ll meet you downstairs.’
She sent the photo to Ryan as she headed out. Caught the landlord getting some pussy wet on the fire escape.
Too bad he kept his shirt on. He’s got a great chest.
‘Oh,’ she said, sitting on the bottom step by the mailboxes. Even after all this, it still surprised her when he said things like this and reminded her that he actually looked at other men and found them attractive.
She flashed back to the night before when he’d teased her about bringing Seth into the fold, and she actually felt faint.
If only. None of this online bullshit or getting a feel for a potential playmate. Just the three of them getting wild between the sheets.
The thump of Seth’s boots on the stairs jarred her out of the porno playing out in her head. He’d changed from his red plaid into a green T-shirt and had let his damp hair hang free around his shoulders.
‘You ready to go?’ Seth asked.
Evie nodded and followed behind him. ‘You have no idea.’
Passing by Evie’s door, Ryan heard the profanity and laughed under his breath. Most people expected Seth to be either crass or a gentle giant. For most of the time, the landlord fitted the latter category – but when he slipped into the former, man, could he ever swear. He made cussing an art form.
It stopped when Ryan knocked on the doorjamb.
‘Need a hand?’
Seth turned around and raised his thick brows. ‘No offence, but you don’t look like you know how to even unclog a drain.’
Ryan crossed his arms over his chest. ‘I know how to put in a catheter. Do you?’
‘What is that? Some kind of threat?’
‘I’m just pointing out that we both know a bit about plumbing.’
Seth shuddered. ‘That might just be the most disgusting thing anyone has ever said to me, and I suppose I deserved that. No, I don’t need any help. I’m almost done. I’m just sitting here pissed off at myself for fucking up to begin with and then not being able to get a plumber. Evie’s at your place, if you’re looking for her. She was chopping up veggies for something when I left her.’
Ryan couldn’t help the thorn of possessiveness that pricked him every time he found out that Evie and Seth had been hanging out. Christ, how could he not? Look at Seth. If Ryan was still in denial about his sexuality, Seth Axworthy would have pushed him over the edge.
He didn’t think he really had anything to worry about, though. Seth was still dealing with losing Rita, and Evie…well, he’d like to think that Evie had chosen him over other men, including Seth, but he knew that Evie still had a little crush on him.
He had to trust her or go out of his mind every minute they weren’t together.
‘Heard you got a little surprise when you were in here earlier,’ Ryan teased, and Seth guffawed even as he strained against his pipe wrench like he was trying to pull Excalibur from the stone.
‘Yeah, quite the colourful collection. Could have been worse. She could have known I saw the stuff on the bed before she ran in here to clean it up.’
Ryan laughed sheepishly. ‘You’ve seen worse.’
‘That’s what I told her, but I didn’t elaborate. I didn’t want to scar her for life.’
‘Thanks, I appreciate that.’
He hiked his backpack up his shoulder and watched as Seth wiped his brow with his bare forearm, and he couldn’t help remembering the last time he’d seen Seth sitting on the floor of a bathroom. Rita had been there, sitting on the toilet seat with a beer in one hand and Marco, the kitten she’d fished out of the dumpster a few weeks ago, on her lap. When sweat got in her husband’s eyes, she automatically reached out and wiped it away with her sleeve, then tucked the beer into his hand.
Ryan couldn’t begin to imagine how lonely it must be for Seth to be on his own after Rita passed. He didn’t see much of her, save for once, close to the end, when Seth was lifting