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feel her swell. I’m needing to be closer to her than ever before.
Her voice is hoarse. ‘Please, now Jeremy, release me.’ Finally her words concur with her body’s desires.
‘I thought you’d never ask, sweetheart.’ And she gives herself over to her body and to me, exploding in ecstasy as I ignite her clitoris with forceful suction that coincides with my twisting and releasing of her nipples and she screams uncontrollably. I suck up her juices as quickly as they are expelled in the spasms contracting every muscle within her sex.
She is riding uncontrollable waves, they are picking her up and taking her away from the pain and heartache of the real world and I want to give her more, more of this freedom: knowing she can’t deny me access, knowing she won’t say no, knowing she won’t run from me and knowing that we need this more than anything, this physical closeness, this union, our togetherness. I need her to feel raw and pleasured, need her to release herself to me so she understands this is how we are meant to be … never apart, never separated.
I drop my jocks and take her. She is wet and contracting around me. I fasten my mouth over hers so she can taste her own pleasure and consume her from above and below, catching her cries and spilling my own tears on her face. I blanket her body with mine as she spasms with a joy she has no control over, no say in, no choice but to lay beneath me and accept. Passion trembles through her muscles rendering her mind utterly numb, just as she wanted. She is overcome, incapable of words; the only thing left is her shuddering from the aftershocks of her multiple orgasms — for the short term at least.
The passion between us has only intensified over the years, as if our absence from each other served to escalate our sexual urges and lovemaking. Now more than ever, I cannot get enough of the woman I love. If only she granted me the same access to her mind, we could work through this together rather than be at loggerheads with one another.
I pull up my pants then reluctantly draw hers up as well. I release her wrists and snuggle her limp body into mine on the lounge, enjoying the silence and closeness I sense I’ll be granted for a while longer. I can’t help but ponder in the back of my mind how she is going to respond to Leo’s plan. How she reacts remains to be seen and, knowing Alexa as I do, may well be completely beyond the power of any of us to control, even given our best intentions.
Alexa
I curl into Jeremy’s warmth, unable to think or move as he wraps his arms around me. His body feels wonderful against my skin, as does the sun shining down on us from above. How does he do this to me? He sends me to a place I never knew existed before him, or maybe it’s a place that only exists between us, though I doubt that. It’s as if we’re at one with the gods, with the universe, where there is no beginning or end, no pain, no guilt, just complete freedom. Our lovemaking is intense; it overwhelms me and lingers with me long after the actual event. Our bodies combine in the sheer joy and pleasure of each other. It’s as if I’m a magnet unable to prevent myself from being drawn into his sphere. He becomes my world, both physically and metaphorically and overtakes my being. Just when I think I can’t take any more, he takes me further and higher. I know that any energy I have to fight the man I love, to go against his wishes and his will, is fading fast, particularly as I want what he wants for me. I know he can’t bear to lose me just as I couldn’t bear to lose him, which is what makes this so difficult. Our love is literally tearing us in different directions.
I know that his actions, even more than his words, are screaming at me to listen to him, to acknowledge his love and commitment to me. It’s becoming impossible to fight and it’s a fight I don’t want to have in the first place. I don’t want to return to Xsade, not one part of me wants to engage with that woman ever again. Though my heart knows I must because it has a direct connection to my children.
It’s unfair to expect Jeremy to understand that; it’s impossible until you become a parent. I’ve never known a love like it. But his love for me is so strong I feel like I’m bound to him in invisible chains. Chains I couldn’t bear for him to unlock, chains that are wrapped so tightly around me I don’t think my heart would continue to beat without them.
And now this. Ensuring I stay open to him, taking me on his wave of desire and not letting me off until I’m at one with the serenity he has created. It’s this peace, this silent pulsing energy that completes me, heals me from within. I’ve never been able to achieve that state unless he leads me there. It’s only when I truly surrender to him, his desire, his love, that I can reach such unity and perfection. I’m floating, I’m drained, I’m desperately in love and dreadfully scared of the consequences for my loved ones if I accept his hand and embark on a different path.
I let my mind remember simpler days, easier times when he wasn’t part of my life. Like the family’s favourite place in the Huon Valley, watching platypus frolic in the stream after the kayaks had been laid to rest, and the kids riding Rusty the pig and milking Honey the cow, the milk to be turned into scrumptious soft Brie over time. Sitting by the campfire with fresh, steaming hot damper, singing and dancing to folk songs from the past as the sun sank behind the lush green hills of the valley’s fertile lands. Or skinny dipping in the perfect water rolling into Wineglass Bay at Freycinet Peninsula, its saltiness tantalising our skin and its freshness awakening our senses long after the hiking tourists have disappeared. The shining sun lengthening summer days and squeezing the darkness of night into its shortest hours of the year. Such abundant, natural beauty surrounding me, wrapping around my body and restoring my vital essence, but even then, in the midst of all of that, I still knew deep down something was missing, that there was a hole in my soul that yearned to be filled.
It dawns on me how much I long for the peace and solitude nature provides me, how much I have missed this sense of tranquillity. The recent events of my life have been hurling me into the unknown, epitomised by my time at Xsade’s laboratory, so artificial, so contrived. I feel as though I’ve lost touch with the core of my human nature. Fear trembles through my body at the thought of re-entering that soulless environment in the next week.
‘Alexa, are you back? Are you okay?’ I feel his soft lips whisper against my ear and my groin responds instantly, as if his voice is invisibly connected to my inner sex. You’d think it had been neglected for years instead of minutes.
‘No. Not quite, still far away.’ I feel him snuggle my body tighter into our spooned position on the sun lounge.
‘Don’t leave me, J. I need you as much as life itself.’
‘As I need you, sweetheart.’
It would be so much easier if I could just promise him the same thing in return. The truth is his words fill me with both comfort and fear.
Whether it’s the alcohol, our lovemaking on the rooftop, or not being responsible for children for a few hours — perhaps all three — it feels really nice knowing my emotions are comfortably numb for the first time in a long time.
Robert, Adam and the kids eventually come home and I’m finally in a better state to interact with them normally, rather than as a crumpled heap on the floor. We still haven’t worked out any details regarding our short-term plans and none of us want to discuss anything until the kids are in bed. They appear to have adjusted incredibly well to having the four of us around and shriek with delight and responses of ‘awesome’ and ‘that’s so cool’ when Robert informs them everyone will be staying a night or two, and it’s no wonder — they have discovered they will be sleeping in Adam’s dedicated games and movie room where they’ve been given permission to play until they fall asleep. Oh well, I did give Robert responsibility for the next twenty-fours hours so I’m not really in a position to disagree. I hug each of them, pleased to see their smiley faces before they excitedly disappear into their room.
They bought pizzas home for us and Adam opens a crisp Viognier from the Napa Valley. Our chatter flickers easily around the mosaic-mirrored dining table as they share stories with us from their time together in London, ensuring the conversation doesn’t focus on anything to do with my recent experience and I can’t help feeling both engaged with the banter but also dissociated from its flow. My husband, my lover and my husband’s lover sitting around the table