Disrupted Breath. Татьяна Трубникова
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no place in the near area where he hadn't driven the stock. He had seen long ago that behind the nearest hill there is other one. Similar. But what was behind the top? Is that another similar top?
Aslanbek knew that there was one more feeding. But if was far away. The ice makes grass tick. But there was no other water near at hand. But only verdurous pastures.
He liked looking at his sheep. He often thought of who will be chosen for the holiday? And why it was particularly this mutton? Why not the next one?
In the family of Shamil's relatives was born a first-born. On this occasion there were killed muttons. The total aul was celebrating. The happy father shot with a gun.
And thus happened something that Aslanbek could never expect. Shamil gave in his hand a knife and asked to kill one of the muttons he tended.
– He is still a little boy! – mother tried to persuade Shamil.
– He is a man! When will you recognize this?!
Ahmet together with father were holding the flinging mutton. Shamil told the appointed prayer.
«He knows for sure what will happen just now» – Aslanbek thought about the mutton.
He was standing with knife in the hands and couldn't move. Shamil repeated acidly the words of prayer. But the boy couldn't move his hand as well as his leg. Nearby stand a half of aul. At least Aslanbek thought so. And that more painful was the dishonor of every moment of failure. Salman empowered him:
– Do it to it! And presto! It's so easy.
And whispered:
– Close your eyes when you will kill…
For the third time Shamil enounced a long Arabic rapidprayer in which the boy didn't understand anything.
Aslanbek bended… But in the last moment when the knife had already touched the villous neck suddenly he lost it and took to heels. Salman seized a knife and quickly gashed across the mutton's neck. The blood rushed gaily outside.
Having done this Salman chased after the friend. Shamil enviously followed the boy with his eyes and thought:
«That will be a man». But he didn't say it loud. He only cut open a belly of the dying animal.
Aslanbek laid his face down on the grass of his favorite hillside. There were tears dropping from the opened eyes. It was the tears of shame and sorrow. Everything in his spirit had got mixed all up.
Suddenly a sky was shut down by Salman's head. He set nearby. They kept quiet. There was a bird singing in the sky. There were grasshoppers in the grass. From the aul was heard a distant patter song – illesh. It was performed by some man. The song beat calmed.
Aslanbek also set down.
– Your father is very angry, – said Salman. – But you shouldn't be afraid of him. You must not! Dog bits if it smells fear.
Aslanbek hit his friend with all might and wrestled him down. Suddenly he became far stronger than Salman. The last one was enabled even twitch in his hands.
– You cannot call my father a dog!
Several months had passed. Spring shed its blossoms and changed a soft warm weather into the fervor.
Once a morning when Aslanbek was driving the depleted stock to feeding Shamil asked the son to drink water from jug.
Making nothing the boy did will of his father.
Shamil dabbled water in a flasket, put it into the hand of his son and said:
– You will drive a stock on a feeding near the ice. And you will return in running low of the third day. It will be enough water in grass for sheep.
– And me?
– If you return earlier you are not my son.
With this he put in son's belt a big knife. A real bazalay.
And Aslanbek went away.
He had nothing except whip, matches, bottle and knife.
Aslanbek was so tired that he had drunk all the water before he came into the pointed place. The joy of discovery new frontiers, to be exact discovering mountain walls, was clouded with only one think: what now? Where he should find water?
He walked around. Really there was no water around. The ice was covered with layer of ground and mud. It was impossible to get liquid from there. Aslanbek lay on cold grass. The sun was getting higher above mountains. He screwed up his eyes and through the thick dense eyelashes view a sun ray. He wished Allah to help him. Only he could do such miracle – to send him water. But there was no cloud in the sky. He never spoke to mullah. He only was him from far away. He didn't understand Arabic prayer but liked rounded sounds singing in a long manner… Babay Rashid said that Allah was everywhere. And that he was everything around. How was it possible? Aslanbek could believe that Allah was this ray on his eyelashes. And sky, and mountain, and water… But sheep, flies and this grass on which he was laying – was this also Allah?! And also himself?!!! He was a usual boy. Knife hit him awkward into the hip. He moved it over.
This big bazalay with which you could do anything – for example, to cut a tree, to defend or kill a sheep… this was also Allah?
The sun became burning. Aslanbek ceased to want to catch sun rays with eyelashes. Aslanbek moved into the shadow.
He fell asleep.
He woke up only when the sun started dropping.
His first thought was: «It's lucky that it's already evening. It's time to go home». But then he looked around and remembered where he was. And what for. He remembered the morning and the father's command. There was nobody around. Except sheep. As it was in the morning, sheep which were still cropping grass. He took fright.
He felt disinclined for eating. At the same time, he wanted to drink very much. Regardless evening, there was a dry air. Because of the fear he wanted to drink much more. Aslanbek was looking at the dropping sun and thought about what he would make before the darkness only if he drove stock just now. Soon it would be late. One brainless sheep could break down. He will get it hot. He remembered once more a severe face of Shamil in the morning. He was dried out. Did father really wanted his death? The boy dropped the last few drops from the bottle. It didn't wet mouth. But he didn't drive the stock home. He left there.
«I will stay till tomorrow», – he decided. «I will search for water in the morning».
He counted sheep. Was there some fallen behind? All the sheep were on site.
When it was getting dark stock made up a bed. Aslanbek had a good night's sleep but his belly smarted a little bit that's why he couldn't fall asleep for a long time. He was looking at the stars' lances. All of them were directed at him. There was so many stars as it could be only in mountains. He was looking for hours and at the long last it seemed he was flying… Or he felt giddy? It's not likely that the boy could understand this. And suddenly he clearly understood that HE WAS ALONE HERE. The primal fear held his hand and legs and he understood that he couldn't move. And he didn't want to move. He was keeping his ears open. Unusually even mountains were silent. As like they were feeling pity. Or buried him. Deep stillness. He was afraid of making movement – suppose some animal would hear this. He knew that in mountains harbored wolves, bears and wild hogs… He had matches. He always took them with him. But he was afraid of making a fire. He was even afraid of moving his hand or leg. Only night and him. A sheer loneliness. It was a heavy load to bear for the little guy.
Frozen and paralyzed he set thus till sunrise. And only when mountains started turning lighter he understood he was saved. And only now he noticed HOW MUCH he wanted to drink. His nose and throat were over dried. There was a rancid smell from his mouth. «As from wok stag Rashid», – he thought. And he felt pity of himself that almost cried. Maybe he had already got old? And would die any time. Tears welled in his eyes. And suddenly he remembered that even his mother didn't felt pity for him. Instead of feeling himself more upset he suddenly calmed. Tears dried out before dropping. He also thought that could lose humidity.
Sheep woke up. Dew. Aslanbek plumped himself down on the grass. He