Juice. Brady G. Wilson
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of St. Francis of Assisi primes us to line up our behaviors with the law of reciprocity:
Grant that we may not so much seek To be consoled as to console; To be understood as to understand; To be loved as to love.
Feeling understood is one of our primal needs as human beings. Meet this crucial need for others and they will respond by meeting it for you. Yes, there are exceptions. However, after helping hundreds of leaders, managers, and employees work through thorny situations and achieve productive outcomes, I can confidently say that most people will try to understand you if you seek to understand them first.
Finding Common ground
Now that David had done the work of pulling out the reality of his leadership team and pulling them into his reality, he was able to move forward to uncover the Bigger Reality that was hidden to everyone. To do this, it was necessary for everyone to find the common ground that existed between their seemingly polarized viewpoints.
A question I have found to be useful in identifying the common ground is, “What is it we both want here that would allow us to move forward?” This is where David and his team began to apply their focus. Together, they discovered that they both wanted to produce great results. They both wanted to retain the distinctive elements of UK culture. They both prized family over work. There was ample common ground here from which a Bigger Reality could emerge.
Discoveries from Getting to Common Ground
• David realized, “This team really does want to get on the hook and pump out great results.”
• The team realized, “David isn’t here to destroy our culture – and he’s not just here for a one-year stint to bolster his CV.”
• The team also realized, “We’ve been guilty of doing to David exactly what we accused him of wanting to do to us. We’ve been jeopardizing his family life for the sake of getting our work needs met.”
Coming up with these discoveries created a breakthrough for David and his team. They now understood each other’s motives, how to meet each other’s unique emotional needs, how to become one, and, therefore, how to move forward. These discoveries were instrumental in uncovering the Bigger Reality. When they achieved this, working together and reaching their goals became simple.
The Bigger Reality Emerges
What was the Bigger Reality? It was a solid belief, a firm conclusion, embedded in a sense of possibility: “We can do this. We can achieve great results without working obscene hours and destroying our culture. We can work together in a different way – a radically different way. What might we be able to achieve if we dropped the suspicion and resistance and replaced them with focus and collaboration?”
“What might we be able to achieve if we dropped the suspicion and resistance and replaced them with focus and collaboration?”
One might well respond, “What sort of Bigger Reality is that? It doesn’t seem magical at all.” Perhaps, but consider that when this team was mired in suspicion and mistrust, the prevailing mindset was, “We either adopt the insane North American work ethic and kiss goodbye to our culture or we fail to hit our numbers and kiss goodbye to our jobs.” This type of mindset typically does not produce intelligent energy.
Coming to understand this simple but powerful Bigger Reality had an instant effect on David and his team. Intelligent energy began to flow and high-performing behaviors began to emerge. The members of David’s team got on the hook for results. They began to collaborate freely, share resources, and leverage one another’s efforts.
You may well be thinking, “My day is way too packed to do this Pull Conversation stuff. It takes too long. I have no choice but to push!” But consider this: by pulling, David was able to achieve in two short days what he had been unable to accomplish in two years of dogged pushing. Because the Bigger Reality produces a magical 1+1 = 5 effect, it’s worth whatever effort you have to expend to pull it out.
And the powerful thing about this breakthrough is that it wasn’t a one-time affair. The experience changed the team. We checked back with David several times in the ensuing months and years. His team began to achieve unprecedented financial results. In fact, they doubled their growth in one year. And David was finally able to take a longdeserved holiday. Why? Because he felt complete confidence in his team while he was gone.
And the powerful thing about this breakthrough is that it wasn’t a one-time affair. The experience changed the team.
Conversation, practiced the right way, releases intelligent energy; intelligent energy produces smart behaviors; and smart behaviors produce sustained results. You get to choose: Constant pushing with no results or a series of short energy-producing conversations with lasting results. As this book shows, the quickest way to get to sustained results is to pull out the Bigger Reality. As hyped as this may sound, we’ve witnessed that pull truly is a 1 + 1 = 5 equation.
Pull Conversations: The Model
This brings us to a fuller description of the Pull Conversation Model, which is the essence of all the chapters to follow. This model works in all situations, whether personal or business, but we will use the language of business predominantly throughout this book. The model is particularly useful for managers or leaders working with a team.
Portions of the model will appear in the next several chapters as we concentrate on various steps that it lays out. Fuller statements of the steps follow each iteration of the model.
1 Pull Out Their Reality
A Step into their world: Temporarily set your judgments and fears aside and inquire deeply into the way they see things.
B See their reality: Using the power of your mind’s eye, see what it’s like to be them in this situation. Pull out the assumptions that they are operating from.
C Reflect back what you’ve understood in your own words to ensure that they feel understood.
2 Pull Them into Your Reality
A Invite them into your world: Make them curious by using the power of story and finding language that makes it easy for them to relate to you.
B Help them see your reality: Speak your truth productively and draw out the assumptions that you are operating from.
C Ask them to reflect back what they’ve understood.
3 Pull Out the Bigger Reality
A Bring your two worlds together to find the common ground. Do this by asking, “What is it we both want here?”
B Watch for a Bigger Reality to emerge. Ask yourselves, “Is there a Bigger Reality here that would allow us to move forward?”
C Sum it up in your own words.
4 Intelligent Energy
Getting to the Bigger Reality releases intelligent energy. People’s attention becomes focused. They move into a flow state in which they are completely engrossed in their work. There is a strong sense of passion as they do what they are juiced to do. They are deeply in touch with the purpose of their work. This creates an empowering sense of drive that fuels high-performing behaviors.
5 High-Performing Behaviors
Intelligent energy fuels the types of behaviors you dream of as a leader. Employees begin to understand and anticipate one another’s needs. They freely share resources and information. They leverage one another’s efforts, investing moments of effort that save hours of time for their co-workers. They collaborate and synergize. They have one another’s backs.