Accessing Your Power. Marcia Wieder
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Accessing Your Power
The Dream Movement Series
By
Marcia Wieder
America’s Dream Coach
Introduction
In the past, we have been told we can have it all” (whatever “it” is). I’m not sure that “having it all” is necessarily a good thing. But I do know one thing: Whether your dream is to have it all, or just a satisfying small part of it, you’re going to have to use it all to get there. The title of this book, “Accessing Your Power,” encourages you to use all of the tools you already have at your disposal to make your dream come true. What tools? Self-aware- ness. Thought. Focus. Desire. Fear (yes, absolutely). And many others. Trust that everything you need is already inside you. Keep the big picture uppermost in your mind and use every single tool you have to move your dream forward.
—Marcia Wieder
Our lives are filled with choices. Every day we have the oppor- tunity to choose so many things, and this book is about using it all and learning to replace the “this or that” choice with “this and that.”
There is a powerful energy that becomes available to us as we learn how to hold two things at once. And then there is inte- gration, which is the art of bringing things together in order to have more. Sometimes integration combines many things and can help make something stronger or a little easier.
My friend Gary uses integration to create more balance in his life. He practices bringing his daily personal and spiritual practices into alignment with the business portion of his life. He doesn’t want to choose this or that. He practices being centered. He works at being a whole and balanced person, producing in the real world.
Balance is an interesting concept, for we each have a differ- ent and unique balance point. Working 10- or 12-hour days may be in balance for some, where others go completely out of balance if they have to go to an office every day. It’s empower- ing to know what works for you and where your balance point is, both personally and professionally. When is “it” too much and when is “it” not enough? Balance is about knowing and noticing what you need at any moment and, most important, about shifting from where you are to where you need to be.
I spent more than 10 years as what I would call a serious businesswoman. That was my life. I had no time to play, to cook, to socialize, and most important no time to take care of me. I didn’t even take the time to know myself. Integration and balance were missing. I was very one-dimensional.
I moved out West with the intention of changing my lifestyle, and I did. Every aspect of my life slowed down, deep- ened and became richer. I learned to breathe and to actually smell the roses. For more than a year, I did what I needed to do professionally to get by, but mostly I healed myself. I met myself for the first time and took the necessary time to begin to know myself and my needs. I said “no” a lot and kept to myself. And soon the phone stopped ringing. It was a little scary, but I knew it was what I needed.
OLD HABITS
Finally, it felt like the time to resurface, so I started saying “yes,” and of course the phone started ringing again. Then a new fear set in. I was afraid that I would revert back to my old ways and stop taking care of myself. I had evidence of this.
I was preparing to go back to New York for a high school reunion. I knew “they” would all have baby pictures, so I broughtmy“baby,”acopyofmyfirstbook.IrealizedthatIwas about to fly 3,000 miles just for the reunion and had nothing else scheduled. This thought was reminiscent of the old me. In my new life, if I had a few business appointments in a week, it was fine. For the old me, somehow it never felt like enough.
I recognized my ego and old identity as thoughts came up suchas,“AmIaccomplishedenough?”Inordertoshowmyself and “them” that I was, I flipped back into “Super Business- woman” mode. I booked five appointments for one day in New York City.
And of course they were big important appointments: my publisher, Working Woman magazine, S uccess magazine, Ogilvy & Mather, the National Association of Female Executives and a lunch in between. It was exciting to get the response I received, but at what price?
I squeezed in a quick shopping trip to my favorite discount outlet. I was out of control. I spent $200 in about 10 minutes and proceeded to leave my shopping bag in an overheated taxi (never to be seen again) where the driver refused to turn on the air-conditioning. Overheated and out of air—doesn’t life give us the most literal metaphors?
I totally overdid it (in 100-degree heat). That day I prom- ised myself I would learn to integrate my new life practices of being calm and centered with my old productive side. This is something I continue to work at. It takes serious awareness and practice.
My phone rings a lot. I am grateful, yet sometimes I let my answering service pick it up. Sometimes I play music in the office. Some days I don’t work. I notice the more I take care of me, the better my service and the quality of my work are. I practice not being fragmented, but rather using all of me. I don’t want to be “still” so I can do more, but rather bring my stillness to my work. This is not a small point. I don’t want to leave play to go to work. I want to play and have fun at work.
Sometimes we separate aspects of ourselves that would serve us better to weave together. With a little awareness and effort, we can become more integrated and have much more of ourselves.
CIRCUMSTANCES
It’s too easy to let our “stuff” get in the way and believe or decide that we can’t have it all or that there’s always a price to pay for having what we want. One thing we can pretty much count on is that life will provide distractions. There are so many wonderful or annoying things happening all the time. The question becomes how are you going to interact with them, or how will they impact you? In other words, how are you going to do your life?
How we behold and interact with our daily occurrences determines how we live and feel about our life. A successful speaker friend told me that when her phone rings and she is “in demand” for speaking, she feels good. She feels needed and important and liked. On quiet days she often feels lousy. She noticed how easily her circumstances were dictating how she felt. This did not feel like a powerful way to live life, and in recognizing this behavior she began to change it.
Christine was in a car accident and had to have part of her leg and foot amputated. Remarkably, her attitude on life was unchanged by this incident. As a professional photographer, she is still completely full of energy, bouncing around taking action photos and portraits. Until she had her prosthesis made, she used the handle on her crutch to support and bal- ance her body during photo shoots.
I told her what an inspiration she was to me, how I admired her courage and strength. Her response was, “Things happen. What can you do?”
Keep Christine in mind next time you’re having a “bad hair day” and think it is somehow significant. Recognizing how we react to daily life is the first step towards not being so impacted by it.
Life comes and goes, and we don’t have to be fully at its mercy. Some days the phone rings like crazy and some days it doesn’t. Some days you might be filled with energy or you might be exhausted. Some days you have a date and some days you’re all alone. Some days you feel happy and some days sad. It does not change who you are.
More important, it no longer needs to affect how you feel about yourself or your life. When we realize that life is not ini- tially or primarily about having or doing, but much more about being, we begin to know peace in simply being who we are.
GOOD OR BAD?
Consider that “good and bad” is not “black and white.” When something happens to us, we can label it good or we can label it bad, but since we are unable to see it all, we are just making up the label. Something that looks bad could ultimately wind up being good, and vice versa. It’s all just life doing life.
The author and Jungian psychiatrist Jean Shinoda Bolen talks about how,