Listening to Ayahuasca. Rachel Harris, PhD
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hold a ceremony or “work” every two weeks, and this frequency seems to maintain the antidepressant effects of ayahuasca.
People seeking help for depression or anxiety may need to drink ayahuasca on a regular basis. This is a realistic consideration not usually included in the splashy media articles about the new medicine from the Amazon. When people return from an ayahuasca retreat in South America, having enjoyed some relief from lifelong depression and anxiety, they’re faced with a dilemma — how to continue drinking ayahuasca. Not many people can afford the time and money for regular trips to the jungle, while accessing the medicine in the United States means entering an illegal underground. This is hardly a comfortable decision for people seeking healing and spiritual direction.
An important aspect of the healing process continues long after the ceremony is over. In terms of depression and anxiety, people seem to develop a distance between themselves and their moods that allows them to consider the most constructive way to handle their emotionality. A forty-seven-year-old teacher wrote, “I’m less emotional and can better deal with my moods.” Another woman, age fifty-nine and a college professor, described a distancing from her moods: “I don’t take my moods so seriously anymore.” This is not denial or repression, but rather emotional objectivity with a touch of disidentification. This is what’s taught in Roberto Assagioli’s transpersonal approach to psychotherapy, psychosynthesis — “I have a body, but I am not my body. I have an emotional life, but I am not my emotions or my feelings.”8
Disidentification is not the detachment seen in schizoid personality disorder, where the person is out of touch with the flow of their inner, emotional life. People with this diagnosis are often indifferent to others and appear to be cold and detached with little emotional range.
The people reporting greater objectivity about their moods after ayahuasca are very much in touch with their emotions. “I still have ups and downs but I’m less surprised,” wrote a thirty-year-old male musician. A thirty-nine-year-old woman who practiced acupuncture had a similar response: “My oversensitivity has decreased, or I’m better able to handle it.”
In psychosynthesis, the full process is identification, disidentification, and finally Self-identification. With a capital S, Self refers to the transpersonal Self, beyond the ego. Psychosynthesis uses the term Self in the same way Jungians do, meaning a numinous center. The identification step means that the person is aware of and in touch with his or her moods yet is able to develop greater insight. Or, as a fifty-year-old man wrote, “I’m clearer about the source of my moods and the effect they have on others.”
Disidentifying with every passing mood creates a new level of inner freedom and choice. Amy wrote, “I used to be very hot-tempered. While I still get frustrated at times, I now have more space between action and reaction to respond in a more level-headed, caring way. . . usually.” Amy, a twenty-nine-year-old chef, wrote this to explain her process of integrating the ayahuasca experience into her daily life. Amy’s description implies a learning curve or neurological reprogramming, where she gradually became better at delaying her immediate reaction so she could choose how she wanted to respond. Amy’s description is a good example of Goleman’s theory of emotional intelligence.9 Goleman calls an immediate reaction the low road, marked by a fear-based, defensive reaction governed by the brain’s amygdala. The amygdala warns us of danger, enabling us to react quickly when we see a snake on the path in front of our foot. However, when the amygdala takes over in our interpersonal relationships, we say or do things without thinking, which we inevitably come to regret. The low road is in contrast to the high road, which allows time for the prefrontal cortex to weigh in and think through a more conscious response.
The young chef learning to respond in a “level-headed, caring way” is describing more than the alleviation of depression. She’s developing self-regulation, the capacity to manage emotions, channeling them into constructive communications. Goleman explained that widening the gap between impulse and action is exactly what mindfulness training does. In this case, ayahuasca is helping Amy to do the same.
Katie, a thirty-year-old graduate student, reported her version of a similar process: “I’ve always been sensitive, cried, laughed, howled at the moon. Now I’ve learned to accept that’s who I am, and I’ve learned discernment about when to express it and how to express it. But I definitely express it.” It’s clear from Katie’s description that taking the high road is not about squelching feelings. “When to express” and “how to express” are the hallmarks of her prefrontal cortex deciding the best way to deal with her intense feelings.
A forty-five-year-old salesman wrote how he’d changed in relationship to his emotions: “I now embrace happiness and sadness equally.” He was describing an expanded acceptance of his emotional range, which is reminiscent of the Buddhist quality of equanimity, the capacity to see what is without judgment, without getting caught in desiring one emotion over another. This man described a subtle shift in perspective in which he didn’t identify with his transitory moods but identified with the Self that the moods move through, just as clouds float by in the sky.
Some people reported greater openness in relationships along with less depression and anxiety. Clinically, it’s irrelevant which happened first. As they felt better emotionally, they became more available in their relationships, and as they felt more connected, their mood improved. “I’ve come out of my shell,” one man reported. Good news, however it happened.
When antidepressants worked for my psychotherapy clients, they reported similar symptomatic relief: “I didn’t know life could be like this.” “I can’t believe I resisted going on drugs.” “The meds, even at low doses, got me through my husband’s death.” And even, “I’ve hired a lawyer and I’m filing for divorce.” Believe me, this last one was a breakthrough we couldn’t get from therapy alone.
There’s an important difference, however, between the ayahuasca reports and the quotes from my psychotherapy clients on antidepressants. Everyone describes the same lessening of depression and anxiety, symptoms that they’ve suffered with most of their lives. The difference is that people drinking ayahuasca describe a spiritual process as well. The shift in their relationship to their moods is what makes their process spiritual, rather than only lessening symptoms. Here’s how Lisa, a fifty-nine-year-old therapist, expressed it: “I am confident and serene within the context of a fluctuating personality and body. My core is secure.”
This shift in perspective does not generally occur with antidepressants alone, even when the person has been on a spiritual path for years. A client of mine, a yoga teacher, told me, “I listen to my Prozac brain now to make better decisions.” Her comment illustrates awareness but not the spiritual level of Self-identification reflected in the ayahuasca testimonials.
Health
Some people take ayahuasca with very specific intentions regarding health and illness. In my study, Franny, a fifty-four-year-old neuropsychologist, said she intended to “put her cancer into remission.” There are plenty of stories circulating on the internet about shamans using ayahuasca to cure cancer, AIDS, Parkinson’s, and a variety of other serious diagnoses. Franny did three ayahuasca ceremonies. After the first one, she said, she “had about a year of remission. My cancer marker blood test score plummeted [a good sign] after the second session. No change after the third session.”
Franny said the message she received during her third ayahuasca ceremony was that “I can’t cure my cancer, but I can prolong my life somewhat by doing Buddhist practice, doing things I love to do, spending time with family and friends.” She said, “I’m coming to terms with the fact that I will not live out my expected life span. But I trust that I will get what I need when I am very sick. I will be taken care of.”
Research from the sixties with LSD as well as current studies using psilocybin with terminal cancer patients have shown a reduction in death anxiety along with a greater acceptance of dying.10 I’m sure ayahuasca will also prove to be helpful with terminal patients, just as it has been with Franny. Franny exemplifies the difference between being cured and being healed. She was not cured of her cancer, but she was healed in her process of facing death.
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