Pattern for Excellence. Brigham Dickinson
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U.S. each year. Autism is a developmental disorder that impairs the ability to communicate and interact.
As I learned more about how autism affects the brain and how it is manifested in behavior, I began to notice similar behaviors all around me. Although not autism, I see an ever-increasing number of people who lack the social skills necessary to interpret their peers’ attitudes or emotional needs. Whether because of upbringing, personality, technology, etc…there is an inability to create connections, engage in meaningful interpersonal interaction and build relationships of trust.
A second doctor’s visit confirmed that life would change with our boy’s diagnosis. Days later, we found ourselves at a place called Autism Journeys. The lady reassured us that because we caught it early, we could teach our son the skills necessary to navigate life successfully. He needed ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) and speech therapy—all for the low price of $3,500 a month.
What Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger
Neizcthe stated, “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger,” which I feel holds an essential truth. I was unemployed when we learned about what our son had and needed. Realizing that there wasn’t a local job that could pay enough to cover the continual expense of therapy, I summoned the courage to follow my passion and start a coaching company centered on WOW Experience Training. My wife began hosting charitable events to raise money for families with children who have autism. Both of us found ourselves doing work we truly believed in and felt was greater than ourselves, and as a result we each found more success and fulfillment than we had at any other time in our lives. Out of necessity, we both came to our Why.
My Story: Recession Before Progression
When the economy was at a low point in 2008, I found myself five months into a failed business merger. As much as I wanted to blame the tough economy for my circumstances, the truth is that the economy had little to do with it. We were paying our employees to keep the doors open, but there was no money left to pay me or any of the founding partners. Company morale could not have been lower. Fingers of blame pointed in every direction. Eventually, I realized that I could only point to and blame myself.
I had taken a risk that was not paying off. I had moved my family across the country to Florida, away from our home, family, friends, and merged my company with another, becoming a partner in a new business venture. My high hopes for the new venture began to unravel almost as soon as we arrived. Immediately I noticed that the managing partner had an extremely negative attitude. He claimed that he was a realist, but that was just a veneer to justify his negativity. He looked at life with cynicism and pessimism, and his attitude affected us in a profoundly negative way. I felt trapped.
And it wasn’t just the money—I had been without money before—it was that I felt obligated to continue on this path and see it through. I had never been a quitter before, and I wasn’t about to start now. I felt that I had no choice but to push through, fail or not.
I had lost my passion for the work I was doing, it just wasn’t fun anymore. Productivity is hard without the drive to go out and make things happen. My emotional state made it difficult to stay motivated and engaged. My confidence was shaken.
I found myself in survival mode, just going through the motions. I approached work as if it was a set of obligations. I had no energy left, and even “digging deep” did not produce the results I needed. I gave up my freedom and stifled my creativity for a merger that was failing. In my mind, my worst fears became reality.
The environment became so toxic that only with extreme effort could I motivate myself to get out of bed and go to work each morning. The situation deteriorated so badly that I pleaded with my wife not to make me go to work. Not that my wife had ever forced me to do anything but, in this case, I felt that I needed her permission to stop working. She understood and told me she trusted my decision, whatever it may be. I left for work that morning but couldn’t bring myself to pull into the parking lot of our office building —I just kept driving.
If you had seen me driving around that day, you would’ve seen me talking to myself. I gave voice to my frustration. I placed blame on my extremely negative business partner and blamed the business venture itself. After all, wasn’t it the merger of our companies that took my family across the country? Why shouldn’t I blame the company for failing five months into our move? My hopes for success were fading quickly, my sense of optimism was lost, and deep down I knew that it was not anyone’s fault but my own.
Prayer Answered by a Book
As I drove around that day, through fear and desperation, I prayed aloud, “Dear God, please get me out of this mess.” Not noticing where I was driving, I found myself at a bookstore at the far end of the city. As though guided by an unseen force, I went straight to the business section. A book by Jeffrey Gitomer caught my eye. It was a book about motivation and positivity. I bought the book and an audio copy. Imagine it: Starved for positivity, unable to produce it from within, I resorted to an audio book about it just so that I could go to work. Walking to the cash register, I realized I didn’t even have the $49.95 to pay for the book, but I knew I needed it, so I put it on a credit card.
Sitting in my car, I played the disc while I flipped through the book. I listened for about a minute before I simply had to turn it off. It was the corniest thing I’d ever heard. I hated it. I couldn’t stand the author or the “crap” he was spewing. It took me a few minutes to see just how negative I had become. It wasn’t the CD; it was me. Reluctantly, I turned the CD back on.
I vividly remember listening to the beginning of the audio where Gitomer offered helpful instructions to those of us who couldn’t stand it, “give the book to someone else, and watch that someone else get rich and happy.” Having not been able to find the quote since, I concluded that I imagined what he said. Whether he said it or not, he had a point, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. “If I’m so negative that I’m not open to a positive message, then I’m not ready for a change.” But I desperately needed a change, so I continued to listen. I listened, read, and learned.
I feel that the events of that morning were a divine intervention and led me to that book. This “corny” book that I detested at the moment began to resuscitate me from my coma of self-pity and negativity. The author helped me remember to keep the responsibility for my current circumstances where it belonged, with me. As I started to own up to my part in this failure, I took out a pen and began to enumerate what I knew to be true:
My bad attitude was not my business partner’s fault.
The business was failing, and it was not his fault either.
This predicament was on me. I was solely responsible.
I had let myself come to this mental state, so it was up to me to get myself out.
From One Adventure to Another
What did taking responsibility look like? First was the decision as to the first step in changing my situation. I decided to head back to Utah and start fresh with family and friends near. As I was driving alone back to Utah from Florida, I tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing: “How can I leave my family with friends? Well, I have no choice. The market is too saturated with competition in Florida. And even if I did find work, it wouldn’t be sustainable. I simply have to move on. I have a better chance of succeeding in Utah.”
I was feeling confident that I would make something work, but I didn’t know what. My attitude was positive. I felt a sense of freedom.
After three days of driving, I was in Salt Lake City resting on a cot in my brother in-law’s basement, where I would be sleeping for the next few weeks until my wife and kids came. This offered me some time to come up with a plan. I determined when my family arrived they would not be sleeping in this basement on cots.
As I looked around, just a bit of sunshine came through the small windows near the ceiling, giving me the sense of being in jail. The positive feeling and sense of freedom I felt on the drive over