Chapter Three

      Who Is a Leader?

      Everyone is a leader. It’s a role no one can completely escape. As my colleagues Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges say in Lead Like Jesus: Lessons from the Greatest Role Model of All Time, “Leadership is a process of influence.”¹⁰ Whenever you seek to influence another person, you are taking on the role of a leader.

      In fact, sometimes you are leading when you are not even aware of it. A famous athlete once insisted that he was not a role model for children; he was just a basketball player. Commentators scoffed. They told him, “It’s not your call.” When someone observes your behavior and imitates it, you are a leader whether you like it or not. If children decide to imitate someone, that person is serving in a leadership role even if he or she isn’t aware of it. That’s true for athletes, entertainers, and other prominent people. But it’s even truer for parents and other family members, family friends, local community figures, and teachers. If you doubt this, take the quiz featured in the “In the Community” section on the next page.

      Children imitate the adults around them — especially their parents — without even thinking about it. If parents try to do their best, their children benefit from their modeling as much as from their nurturing. But if parents don’t care how their behavior influences their children, then the odds decline that their children will benefit from how the parents behave. Of course, parents aren’t the only models we find in life. As we grow, we continue to model the behaviors of other people we admire. In this way, people often have deeper, more profound leadership impacts than they ever know. But certainly all of us are leaders at some times and some places in our lives.

       Gratifying and Humbling Lessons in Leadership

      The fact that we are all leaders at some points in our lives — sometimes even when we are not aware of it — was brought home to me in a gratifying yet humbling way as I approached my 60th birthday. A note arrived in the mail from a woman who lived in a town we had moved away from more than 30 years before. In that town I worked for a newspaper publishing company that had hired me while I was still in college. It was a small but rapidly growing newspaper publishing company, and we generally thought of ourselves as family. Looking back, I would have sworn I knew the first name of everyone on the payroll. But the note that arrived more than three decades later was from someone whose name I could not remember.

      The woman wrote that she had just returned from a long trip and was blessed to have taken many beautiful photos that she would cherish. Whenever she looked at them, they could transport her back to enjoy again her wonderful adventure. She said that for many years she had meant to write, but finally she could no longer put it off. She wanted me to know how grateful she was for having inspired her interest in photography, which had enriched her life in so many ways for so many years. To my chagrin and shame, I could not remember this woman at all. To this day, I have no recollection of the role I played in a life-changing experience for her. Although I am embarrassed by my faulty memory, I am grateful that she wrote — and for reminding me of how our actions can serve a leadership purpose even when we are not remotely aware of it.

      IN THE COMMUNITY

       Lasting Leadership Quiz: Who Matters Most?

      It’s easy for us to see how famous athletes, movie stars, and other celebrities appear to have an impact on people of all ages in our culture. We wear their expensive jerseys and shoes, adopt their expressions and fashions, imitate their grooming, buy their movies and music, and seemingly try to adopt their identities. This is especially true of young people.

      So who are the role models who really shape our behavior long term? To find out, try this little quiz on yourself, your friends, and relatives and especially any teenagers in your home.

       Part I: Answer the first six questions as well as you can.

      1. Name the five richest people in the world.

      2. Name the last five Heisman Trophy winners.

      3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.

      4. Name 10 people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. How about five?

      5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and best actress.

      6. Name the last decade’s World Series winners.

      How are you doing? Don’t get discouraged. You may find the next ones easier.

       Part II: Answer the next five questions as well as you can.

      7. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

      8. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

      9. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

      10. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

      11. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

      A reflection: When it comes to having an impact and lasting influence on people, obviously it’s not about position, money, or fame. Applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Titles slip away. The paparazzi disappear. Lasting influence comes with intimacy: we are most influenced by the people we believe care most about