Why Is Jesus in the Microwave? Funny Stories from Catholic Classrooms. Mary Kathleen Glavich, SND
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“The boogeyman,” the boy declared emphatically.
Ending with a Bang
While visiting the second-grade class, Father invited the children to ask him questions. One lad raised his hand and asked, “Father, do you really believe that Jesus is in the tabernacle?”
“Why, yes,” Father replied.
“Do you really believe that Jesus is in the tabernacle?” the youngster persisted.
“Yes,” Father repeated.
“Then why do you slam the door of the tabernacle?” the boy asked innocently.
From that day on, Father always closed the tabernacle door gently.
Morale Support for a Bishop
To welcome the new bishop, Sister Josephmarie invited the students in her school to write him letters. At the end of the day, among the letters piled on her desk she found an intimate one from a fourth-grader. It read, “Now I know you are a new bishop and so you are probably very nervous. But don’t be. I’ll tell you a secret. I’m praying for you.”
Omnipresence
“Do you know where God is?” Sister asked her first-graders.
One boy confidently answered, “In our bathroom.”
Curious, Sister inquired, “How do you know?”
“Because every morning my dad pounds on the door and asks, ‘My God, are you still in there?’ ”
Experiential Lesson
Carrying out the God Lab lesson with her new, challenging high school class, Sister Dion found out just how different the students were from others she had taught. For the first project, the students were to create something out of play dough. As one boy worked, he commented, “I’m making a devil, and I’m naming it Dion.”
The students set their creations on the teacher’s desk. Next the lesson plan called for the teacher to smash the work to illustrate how sin destroys creation. Previous students had always calmly absorbed the lesson. However, this time, as Sister began crushing their masterpieces, the students rebelled. The room was in an uproar. One boy called out, “You murderess.”
Sister never forgot, or repeated, the lesson.
The Living Dead
Assuming her students learned about vocations in previous years, Sister Bernadel asked them to name the states in life. One seventh-grader supplied the answer, “There are three states in life: religious, married, and dead.”
Trapped
While studying about religious life, the eighth-graders encountered the word cloister. Sister explained, “A cloister is a monastery where outsiders do not enter and the religious usually do not leave.”
On hearing this, Dan, the class clown, quipped, “Gee, Sister, don’t they get cloisterphobia?”
A Promotion
Father Paul visited the kindergarten class for the first time. He asked, “Does anyone know my name?”
“I know. I know,” one child replied with exuberance. “It’s John Paul II.”
Mary, a U.S. Citizen!
The sixth-graders were practicing for a May crowning. Luckily, the lad reading the Gospel passage about the Annunciation had the chance to be corrected. He proclaimed that the angel Gabriel was sent to a Virginian betrothed to a man named Joseph.
2. The Bible
“Jesus was walking along. He saw ten men who were very sick. Umm … they had a bad disease…. They were all leprechauns!”
Divine Tricks
Sister finished telling her first-graders the marvelous story of creation according to Genesis. Awed by the account, a little fellow concluded, “Gee, God must be a magician!”
The First Stork Story
The fourth-graders were studying the story of Adam and Eve. One thoughtful boy asked Sister Helen Louise, “Were Adam and Eve the only two people around?”
“Yes,” Sister replied.
“And did Eve have a baby?” the boy continued.
“Yes.”
Perplexed, the boy asked, “Then who cut the vocal cord?”
Bible Bungle
While correcting her third-graders’ tests, Sister Mary came upon this unique description of Moses: a man who took a man and woman of every kind on a boat.
A Major Mistake
In religion class, Sister Margaret asked her high school students, “What is the difference between the Major and Minor Prophets?”
There was a long silence. No one seemed to remember that the four Major Prophets were the ones who wrote the longest prophetic books in the Bible.
Finally, one student who knew something of Scripture guessed, “The major ones were there at the Resurrection, and the minor ones were hiding in the Upper Room.”
Accurate Records
Mike, a sixth-grader, was enlightened one day when Sister Bernadel explained that the Scripture reference Isaiah 7:14 stood for the book of Isaiah, chapter 7, verse 14. He confessed, “I thought that 7:14 meant the time Isaiah made the prophecy.”
Catholics in the Temple
One of Sister Anelle’s students read the Bible with a modern mind. He wondered why Jesus chased people out of the Temple for playing Bingo.
Irish Expats in Israel
Charlie, a fourth-grader, was retelling his favorite Bible story to his classmates. He began, “Jesus was walking along. He saw ten men who were very sick.”
He paused, trying to recall what was wrong with the men. “Umm, umm … they had a bad disease.”
Suddenly his face brightened. “They were all leprechauns!” he declared triumphantly.
Like the Cheshire Cat
One child knew the comic strips better than he knew the Bible. When Sister asked, “What was the name of the angel who appeared to Mary at the time of the Annunciation?” this student answered, “Garfield.”
Old Testament Fairy Tales
Sister Barbara’s sixth-grade CCD class was reviewing some Old Testament stories. In recounting the story of Joshua’s victory at the battle of Jericho, one lad got his tales mixed up. He said, “The Israelites surrounded the town of Jericho. Then they huffed and they puffed, and they blew the walls down.”
Then There’s the Pumpkin Eater
Sister Colette was about to tell her first-graders a Gospel story about Jesus and the apostle Peter. To introduce the story, she asked, “Does anyone know who Peter was?”
One boy timidly raised his hand and answered with a lisp, “I think he wath a wabbit.”
St. Paul’s Tenth Missionary Journey?
Sister Barbara was telling the kindergarteners stories about St. Paul. She