Sex in a Tent. Michelle Waitzman
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a beginner—even if he’s a man. “For me, it would be a role reversal to pamper a man in a way that might make him feel more comfortable out there, the way men typically do for women,” Meyer says. “I’d expect the man to be ready and up for the wilderness, more so than I am, I guess.” She learned the hard way that anyone can be scared doing a new activity, even if he seems tough in his everyday life.
You or your partner may have fears or concerns about camping that I don’t cover in this section. Make sure you talk about them together, and find ways of dealing with them before you make your first trip. Respecting your partner’s opinions is important if you want to have a trusting relationship. If you deal with any potential problems ahead of time, you can spend your trip focused on the fun stuff.
Wild Animals
On my very first camping trip, our group returned from a swim down at the beach to find a black bear at our campsite sniffing around the tents. Someone must have left food around. I knew nothing about bears, so when one of the leaders starting yelling at the bear and clapping her hands, I thought she was crazy. He’s going to come and attack us if you yell like that!
If you’re taking a beginner somewhere with bears, wolves, coyotes, or other wild beasts, make sure you give them some background knowledge first. If you’re a new camper with concerns, ask your partner or talk with the local ranger about whether any native wildlife pose a danger. Now I know you’re supposed to make noise so you don’t surprise the bear, because that’s when they charge. But that would have been a good thing to know before I saw one. Let your partner know how to handle wild animal encounters, and what precautions you should both be taking. If the beginner knows that tying up the food and garbage between trees will keep the bears away from the tent, he or she will probably get a much better night’s sleep.
Snakes are classic phobia-inspiring creatures. Even experienced campers can be caught off guard when they run across a snake. I was doing a guided desert hike in Arizona’s Vermilion Cliffs area with someone who’d been leading camping tours in the desert for years. As he moved between a boulder and a bush, he suddenly exposed a snake in our path—and, much to my surprise, he jumped! So I figure if a snake can make a guy like that jump, the rest of us have nothing to be ashamed of.
Luckily, snakes tend to get out of the way when they sense people are around. But it’s possible to run into them now and then, and it might be enough to panic you or your partner into doing something silly. If there are any dangerous snakes in the area where you’ll be camping, it’s a good idea to know how to recognize them, so you can avoid unnecessary anxiety every time a harmless snake crosses your path. In areas with lots of poisonous snakes, a snakebite kit is worth packing. I know it would make me feel better about my chances after a close encounter.
If you have a partner who is seriously afraid of snakes, you can be a real hero by checking their boots and sleeping bag to make sure there are no snakes lurking in there. By taking the lead on any hiking trails, you can also be the one to ensure that there are no killer serpents waiting to strike around the next bend.
Bugs
As I’ve mentioned, this one hits close to home. I still don’t like them, but I’ve mostly recovered from my fear of bugs; at least they don’t immediately make my pulse race anymore. I put annoying bugs into two categories: creepy-crawlies and biting bugs.
Creepy-crawlies are things like centipedes, beetles, grasshoppers, and other insects that don’t actually pose any threat but do play on some people’s irrational fears. If your partner is grossed out by bugs, don’t just laugh it off. You won’t be getting much loving from someone who’s totally freaked out.
Keeping your tent door zipped up at all times will make it impossible for these bugs to get inside. Having a “safe” sleeping environment is a must if you’re going to enjoy camping (especially if you want to have sex in there), so if your partner is nervous, offer to go into the tent first and check for bugs. It might seem pointless to you, but it’s a small effort to put someone you care about at ease. Once the inside of the tent is deemed safe, you’ll have less trouble getting your partner’s clothes off! The other place where a bug-hater might feel nervous is the outhouse, so offer to check that out first as well. You can even score extra points by standing guard outside the door.
Almost everyone who camps thinks that biting bugs are a big pain. Mosquitoes, black flies, deer flies, and other biters can turn a beautiful night in the wilderness into an itchy nightmare. I made the mistake of taking my boyfriend camping in Quebec during the worst part of black fly season. Thousands of them swarmed around us as soon as we got to the campsite. We had to put on our rain gear just to keep the flies from biting through our clothes. My poor boyfriend got massacred while we were putting up the tent. By the time we were done, his entire face was covered in blood. I’m lucky he didn’t dump me right then and there.
There are a few different ways to deal with these bloodsuckers if someone is so bothered by them that he or she refuses to camp. The easiest solution is to avoid camping during the summer months. At other times of the year, most biting bugs are simply not around in large numbers. If you’re willing to trade long days and warm weather for peace of mind, then a bit of creative scheduling is all you need to keep your partner happy.
If you can’t avoid being around biting bugs, then the next best thing is to prevent them from biting. This means creating some kind of physical or chemical barrier to keep them away from you. Pack a good bug repellent to whip out as soon as you see the first mosquito of the day.
If you or your partner are not terribly happy about spraying deet all over your bodies, invest in bug-proof jackets, pants, and hats that are made of tight netting. It might seem like an extreme way to deal with the problem, but if that’s what it takes to make someone feel safe from biting bugs, then it’s worth taking some extra stuff along. On the plus side, if you manage to keep the bugs out of your tent, you can happily strip away your bug-proof clothing once inside.
Driving Me Buggy!
“ I absolutely hate bugs. Can’t stand them! Sitting outside for a barbeque during the summer drove me nuts if there were bugs around. I would get those citronella candles and completely surround myself with them. There was no way I was going camping with no house to run and hide inside. My husband, convinced that I would like it if I could just get over the bug thing, really wanted me to come on a camping trip with him. I told him the only way I would consider it was if he could actually guarantee I wouldn’t get any mosquito bites. I figured that was impossible, so I’d never have to go camping.
My husband thought I was being a bit ridiculous, but he went out and bought me a “Don’t Bug Me” jacket and pants and promised me that they would make me bug-proof. After trying it out in the backyard (and having my husband laugh his head off at me), I agreed to go camping with him. I have to admit that it wasn’t as bad as I expected, and we still go camping at least once every summer. But I never go without my bug jacket! ”
—DB
Getting Lost
I’m the first to admit that I have a terrible sense of direction. Whenever I’m leading a hike, I begin by telling the other hikers, “If you think I’m going the wrong way, speak up. I probably am!” So I’ve learned to use marked trails as much as possible and to stop often and check the map. Even so, I took one woman on a hike in a river valley just outside of Toronto, and we managed to get so caught up in our conversation that we ended up walking in a complete circle before I realized we’d taken a wrong turn. And that was just in the suburbs! So far, I’ve never been so badly lost that I couldn’t make my way back to the right trail. But I do harbor a secret fear that one day I’ll be in the middle of the woods with no idea where I am.
If you aren’t comfortable in the bush, the fear of getting lost and wandering aimlessly until all hope fades can be pretty overwhelming. It’s something that can happen to even the most experienced campers, so you always have to be ready in case it happens to you. A change in conditions, an un-crossable river, or a washed-out trail can send you off course. But there are ways to build up a beginner’s