Finding Love at Hedgehog Hollow. Jessica Redland
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pub and through the beer garden.
I perched on the edge of the furthest picnic bench, confident that nobody was close enough to overhear us. James sat down opposite me.
I steepled my fingers against my lips as I mustered the strength to say the words. ‘Remember what we agreed at Hannah and Toby’s wedding? That we weren’t each other’s forever but we were happy to continue until our forever came along?’
‘You’ve met someone else?’ The hopeful expression in his eyes was crushing, yet it also spurred me on.
I shook my head and placed my hands on the table. ‘No. Bit preoccupied at the moment.’
‘Of course. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.’ He placed his hand over one of mine but I retracted mine. Too intimate.
‘Anyway, it’s been great but I think it’s time we called it a day.’
‘You want to break up?’
No, James, I want you to love me the way I love you! ‘I think it’s for the best. Don’t you?’
He shrugged. ‘If it’s what you really want…’
Of course it isn’t! But I don’t exactly have a choice here. ‘I think it’s what we both need. Give us both a chance to find someone who is our forever. Although I think you might have already found yours.’
Colour flushed his cheeks. ‘Who?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Chloe. I’m not blind. I saw the instant attraction at Gramps’s birthday party and I’ve seen the way you’ve both been looking at each other today.’
He twiddled with an abandoned beermat, the colour in his cheeks deepening.
‘Maybe you could ask her out?’ I suggested, somehow managing to sound light and casual even though the words were like razor blades slicing my throat.
‘I can’t do that.’ He didn’t raise his eyes. ‘She’s your cousin.’
‘And I want her to be happy.’ I stood up and brushed down the back of my dress. ‘I’m going to say the same to her but maybe it’s more appropriate for tomorrow. I’m going home now.’
‘Sam!’ James called as I headed back towards the pub.
I turned to face him, longing for him to beg me to stay with him yet knowing full well there was no way it would happen.
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘And you were right. It has been great.’
I nodded and smiled weakly, then turned. Taking a deep calming breath, I stepped back into the pub. ‘I did it, Gramps,’ I whispered. ‘I fulfilled my promise.’
Chloe and I walked arm in arm along the promenade the following morning.
‘I can’t believe you ended it with James yesterday,’ she said, gently squeezing my arm. ‘I thought you two were having fun.’
‘We were, but that was the problem. It was great but it wasn’t going anywhere.’
‘But I thought you were happy with it that way.’
You have no idea! ‘I was but it wasn’t fair on either of us. One of us was going to have to let go sooner or later. I was actually going to end things last month but I couldn’t face the thought of being at Gramps’s birthday party without a plus one. You know what Great-Aunt Agnes is like with me. It would have been all, “No boyfriend again, dear? What’s wrong with you? Can’t hang onto a man?” and you know how much that winds me up. And then Gramps died and, to be honest, I really appreciated James’s support.’
We sat down on a bench overlooking the sea. It was the back end of June and there’d been a warm spell all week. Intermittent wispy clouds painted a dotted line across an otherwise deep blue sky and the sea lapped gently onto the beach below us.
‘I’ve told James he should ask you out.’
‘What? Why would you say that?’ Although Chloe was clearly trying to look and sound surprised, I knew her well enough to know it was fake. James had likely already spoken to her.
‘I’ve seen you together. There’s an attraction between you that’s worth exploring.’
We both sat in silence, looking out at a lone paddle-boarder.
‘I couldn’t take your boyfriend,’ she said eventually, her tone pleading for me to convince her.
‘You wouldn’t be. He’d be my ex-boyfriend. You have my blessing to go out with him if that’s what you both really want.’
‘If it was – and I’m not saying it is – but, if it was, you promise we won’t fall out over it?’
‘I promise.’
‘Pinkie promise?’ she asked.
I laughed. ‘It’s years since we’ve done this but, yes, I pinkie promise.’ We wrapped our little fingers together and took turns in kissing them.
‘Thanks, Sammie,’ she said, resting her head against my shoulder. ‘You’re the best. I’d hate it if anything ever came between us. I couldn’t bear you not being in my life.’
‘Same here.’
13
Present Day
I must have finally dozed off in my hotel room at Chloe’s wedding because a knock on the door woke me with a start. The digital clock by the bed informed me that it was 23:52. Who on earth? I unlocked the door and edged it open a few inches. My stomach did a backflip at the sight of James propped up against the opposite wall with a half-drunk pint in his hand.
‘Can I come in?’ he asked, his speech slurred.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘Probably right.’ He wagged his finger at me. ‘You’re right about lots of things, aren’t you?’
I wasn’t sure whether that was a compliment or an insult so I shrugged. ‘Is Chloe okay?’
‘She’s amazing,’ he said. ‘So beautiful and funny and lovely and—’
‘I meant after the incident earlier. Presumably you know what happened.’
‘Ah. Of course. Yes. She’s fine ‘bout it.’
‘Good. So is there something you wanted?’ I cringed at the haughty tone in my voice, especially as I sounded just like Great-Aunt Agnes.
He nodded and tried to take a slurp on his pint but missed his mouth. ‘Oops.’ He wiped at his damp beard and neck.
‘So what did you want?’ I prompted.
‘Open the door. I can’t see you properly.’
I could do without this but hopefully he would say his piece and go. ‘Okay but you’re not coming in.’
‘S’fine. Just want to talk.’
Reluctantly pushing the door open, I half-stepped into the corridor. ‘I’m waiting. Talk.’
‘Oh yes. I wanted to say… It’s just…’ He took a deep breath and stood up straight. I could sense him telling himself to sober up. ‘I wanted to say I’m really sorry that I didn’t love you back and I’m sorry if I hurt you because of that.’
I gulped. ‘That’s very nice of you. Thank you.’
‘You’re amazing and beautiful and funny and lovely