Don’t avoid the person or isolate yourself. That extended family member (even if it is you) needs love and support at this time.

       Don’t pry into personal details.

       Don’t ask questions or offer theories about the causes of the child’s autism. Don’t start talking about how Uncle Bob never talked until he was eight years old.

       Don’t say, “I know how you feel.”

       Don’t say clichés or offer advice or quick solutions.

       Don’t try to cheer up the person or distract the person from what he or she is feeling.

       Don’t minimize the problem. Don’t say, “It’s not that bad” or “You’ll be okay.”

       Don’t tell the person how to feel or to stop feeling angry.

       Do say, “I love you” (if you are close enough).

       Do ask “Tell me how I can help?”

       Do say “Tell (the child who has autism and other family members) hi from me,” or “Give (the child who has autism and other family members) a big hug for me and tell him I love him.”