The Quiet Rise of Introverts. Brenda Knowles
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than introverts: 1. Extroverts engage in more social activities, which enhances happiness; and 2. Introverts withdraw more from social situations, which reduces happiness.
The study further declared that participation in social activities predicts happiness, independent of extroversion or introversion. This indicates that introverts could be happier if they participated in more social engagements. It is not their personality that holds them back or the extrovert’s personality that propels them ahead in happiness levels. The biggest takeaway here is that the avoidance of social activities significantly decreases happiness.
One question that arose from the correlational study was whether happiness was a by-product of extroverted behavior or extroverted behavior was a by-product of happiness. Could the causation go both ways? That is, could a happy introvert engage in more extroverted behavior and create a positive feedback loop of happiness? And what is happiness, anyway?
In a Psychology Today article titled “Are Extroverts Really Happier?” PhD assistant professor of psychiatry Arnie Kozak looks at happiness through the introvert’s lens. He states that correlations between extroversion and happiness are based on how extroversion is measured. Studies do not measure positively valued introvert qualities or, in some cases, the absence of inherent extroversion. Kozak asks us to look at pioneering positive psychologist Martin Seligman’s facets of happiness, represented in the acronym PERMA: Positivity, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. In Seligman’s version of happiness, if we find meaning in an activity or idea, we do not have to strive for extroverted types of happy experiences. Positive emotions flow, with or without socializing.
Dr. Kozak reminds us of the contentment or equanimity the Buddha exhibited. The Buddha remained peaceful, regardless of the outer environment. Introverts have access to rich inner experiences (as do extroverts, but they do not experience the same energy boost). If we expand our definition of happiness beyond a high-arousal, extrovert-dominated one, and include low-arousal, introvert-based feelings (contentment, peacefulness, calm, appreciation), the correlations to happiness change.
A comment on Dr. Kozak’s article brought up an interesting difference between extroverts and introverts. The commenter said introverts don’t necessarily prefer less time in groups (socializing), but are more focused with their interests and relationships. When in groups or relationships that advance their interests, and make efficient use of their time, introverts are happy.
DEPENDENCE PORTION OF THE MATURITY CONTINUUM
When speaking of the maturity continuum—dependence > independence > interdependence—Stephen R. Covey, author of the classic leadership and personal success book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said, “Dependence is the paradigm of you—you take care of me; you come through for me; you didn’t come through; I blame you for the results.”
At the dependence maturity level, the locus of control is in other’s hands. Just as physical dependence requires others to care and provide sustenance for us, intellectual dependence demands that others think and make decisions for us. If we are emotionally dependent, we lean on others to elevate our moods and give us a sense of security and self-worth. As individuals in the dependence stage, we believe our self-worth is determined by what others think of us.
For introverts, that often means we undervalue our nature because the external community values high-energy, friendly, fun, talkative, outgoing, popular people. It often means we adjust our demeanor to align with the external world’s expectations. We put on our active, vocal, group-focused masks and carry on.
As an adult, I chose a business degree from a large university instead of the English literature teaching degree I initially considered. In my mind, a bold business career in corporate America trumped a bookish, introspective career in academia. The potential for a high salary was greater, and honestly, the corporate world seemed like a confident and more successful person’s choice. I admired those with business aspirations and abilities so much that I married a Finance major who later earned an MBA. His personality lived up to my revered extroverted expectations. He spoke quickly and with conviction. He thrived on completion. I was in awe. He garnered a very high salary to go with his high-powered personality. He represented the extrovert ideal.
The perspective that extroversion is the ideal is pervasive in our culture.
I’ve seen well-meaning suburban moms set up bonfire parties and sleepovers for their daughters, who, much to their mother’s dismay, want to stay in their room and read or watch videos.
My client, Carrie (not her real name), once told me of a time when she and her sister were at a bar and met a few men who worked in marketing for a big corporation. Carrie was also in marketing. Although the men would never guess it, she was also a true introvert. She dazzled them with her smile, witty stories, and confidence. Carrie’s sister even commented admiringly about how “on” and outgoing Carrie was at the bar. The men found her and her sister so engaging they invited them to their company Christmas party that night. Carrie went to the party. Once there, she found herself in group discussions where everyone had to answer questions like, “What is your favorite Christmas memory?”. This on-the-spot questioning gave Carrie a little anxiety—introverts often find off-the-cuff speaking challenging—but she answered with rousing cheers from the group. She knew she had won them over.
The next day Carrie felt “gross” and out-of-sorts, and it wasn’t because she drank too much at the party. She had put on a heavy extroverted mask the day before and now her spirit was flagging. She had charmed everyone but left her real self out in the cold. She felt so low and misrepresented she began to question whether she could stay in the marketing business.
This constant reconciling of the outer world with our true inner world, takes a toll on introverts.
ANXIETY AND INTROVERTS
Often the result of constant reconciling is anxiety. Anxiety is both an emotion and a clinical condition.1 The emotion anxiety is natural. Anxiety is predicting or preparing for a negative outcome to a future situation. While waiting for results from a medical biopsy, we experience anxiety. While driving to a first date, sweaty palms or butterflies in the stomach are normal. Simply feeling anxious is not a major cause for concern. According to Dr. Rob Lamberts, MD, in his article, “How Can You Tell If You Have Anxiety?,” two things separate the emotional state of anxiety from the clinical condition: duration and severity. To officially diagnose someone with clinical anxiety, the symptoms must significantly affect the daily life of the individual and must have existed for at least three months. However, Dr. Lamberts admits that most cases are diagnosed prior to three months.
A common definition of emotional anxiety is a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness. If we cannot control something that could potentially harm us, we feel anxious. In clinical anxiety, life feels out of control. It is possible to feel anxious about feeling anxious, which compounds clinical anxiety.
Many introverts report feeling overwhelmed or lost in rumination when they experience excessive stimulation and too many pulls on their attention. Since introverts are energy conservers who rejuvenate by spending quiet time with their thoughts, ideas, and feelings, they get drained when forced to focus on many external influences. They experience racing mind, where thoughts run like bullet trains through their brains. This causes physical lethargy, where their bodies feel heavy and their ability to speak declines. They may express extra emotions. If they are not able to recover in low-stimulation settings, their energy diminishes and they feel out of control. Too much stimulation quickly leads to anxiety for an introvert.
It should be noted that anxiety—both the emotion and clinical condition—can wreak havoc on our physical as well as our mental health. For example, if we feel stress every day after lunch when our new, short-tempered boss goes over our work with a fine-toothed comb, we may start to suffer from digestive problems. Our boss’s critical eye and short fuse become perceived threats to that primitive part of our brain which still prepares for saber-toothed tiger attacks, hence setting in motion the fight-or-flight response. When under threat, our brain sends a message to our gut to slow down its digestive process, so that we can focus blood flow to the extremities (arms and legs), in case we have to fight or flee.