Wild Words from Wild Women. Autumn Stephens
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gossips, and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.
—Broadcast newswoman Barbara Walters, a very caring conversationalist.
Learning to speak is like learning to shoot.
—Professor Avital Ronell, comparative literature specialist, and a self-proclaimed “ivory-tower terrorist.”
The people I'm furious with are the women's liberationists. They keep getting up on soap boxes and proclaiming that women are brighter than men. It's true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket.
—Screenwriter Anita Loos, who maintained that gentlemen were incapable of appreciating either brunettes or the basic facts of life.
I wasn't allowed to speak while my husband was alive, and since he's gone no one has been able to shut me up.
Nobody's interested in sweetness and light.
—God-like gossip columnist Hedda Hopper. With a flick of her poisonous pen, she could write a Hollywood hopeful right out of the picture.
I think if women would indulge more freely in vituperation, they would enjoy ten times the health they do. It seems to me they are suffering from repression.
So long as women are slaves, men will be knaves.
—Elizabeth Cady Stanton, the strapping spokeswoman for nineteenth-century suffragists.
Be critical. Women have the right to say: This is surface, this falsifies reality, this degrades.
—Tillie Olsen. After twenty years of transcribing other people's words, the long-suppressed author of Silences finally found her own voice.
We are all born charming, fresh and spontaneous, and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.
—American etiquette maven, Miss Manners, née Judith Martin, apparently not to the (excruciatingly correct) manner born.
I am terribly shy, but of course no one believes me. Come to think of it, neither would I.
—Carol Channing. Shy, perhaps, but scarcely retiring: in her eighth decade of life, Hello Dolly is still a happening thing.
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
—Writer Jane Wagner, the wry collaborative mind behind some of Lily Tomlin's best lines.
Gossip is news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress.
—Syndicated columnist Liz Smith, dedicated to keeping a news-hungry nation apprised of the triumphs, tragedies, and predictable little peccadillos of those who live in (or for) the limelight.
A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.
—Singer Lisa Kirk, waxing eloquent on the subject of oral emissions.
People call me feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.
—Writer Rebecca West, puzzled (but not insulted) by the F-word.
My goal is to be accused of being strident.
—Susan Faludi, scribe of the stinging Backlash.
Raving Beauties
I don't have the time every day to put on makeup. I need that time to clean my rifle.
—Henriette Mantel, cosmetically incorrect comedian.
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
Lots of women buy just as many wigs and makeup things as I do. They just don't wear them all at the same time.
It's a good thing that I was born a woman, or I'd have been a drag queen.
—Dolly Parton, rags-to-riches country music mogul. (In her dime-store days, desperate Dolly saved face by rouging her lips with Mercurochrome.)
If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out.
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
—Jean Kerr, perfectly attractive playwright whose modest goal was “to make a lot of people laugh and to make a lot of money.”
Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic.
—Rosalind Russell, minimalist Auntie Mame who also suffered from the misconception that an appealing lunch could be fashioned solely from an assortment of cheeses.
Nature has made women with a bosom, so nature thought it was important. Who am I to argue with nature?
—Ida Rosenthal, inventor of the modern brassiere. She figure out how to gently lift and separate the women from the girls.
My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair red.
—Activist/film star Jane Fonda, capable of changing her colors at the drop of an aerobics sock.
I've never been lifted. But I do like a bit of glamour in the morning.
—Artist Louise Nevelson. She preferred to be the sculptor, not the sculpture.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
—Hedy Lamarr, A much-coveted property pursuant to her elegantly unclad performance in the 1933 film Ecstasy; lovely Lamarr was smarter than she looked.
I dress for women, and undress for men.
—Angie Dickinson. In or out of uniform, TV's leggy Police Woman inspired illicit fantasies.
It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen.
—Mamie Van Doren, the other platinum bombshell of the fifties.
I have too many fantasies to be a housewife . . . I guess I am a fantasy.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I'm always running into people's unconscious.
I have never quite understood this sex symbol business, but if I'm going to be a symbol of something, I'd rather have it sex than some of the other things they've got symbols for.
—Marilyn Monroe, dead movie star. Was too much feminine mystique her fatal mistake?
A comparison between Madonna and me is a comparison between a strapless evening gown and a gownless evening strap.
—Kim Campbell, erstwhile prime minister of Canada, criticized for emulating America's sexy boy-toy when she bared her forty-six-year-old shoulders in a pre-election photo.
I had to use ham. I took a piece from the deli platter and rubbed it in my hair. I had to—that fluffy thing was really bothering me.
—Alternative rock 'n' roller Kim Deal, on how to handle a bad hair day when you're way too cool for gel.
We're supposed to be attractive to the male to procreate the species, after all. That's why you've got to wear makeup and you've got to f***.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. I think every woman should be fat like me.
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