Giving Thanks. M. J. Ryan
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You cannot be grateful and unhappy at the same time.
—a woman to Dr. Tom Costa
Tapping into the wellspring of gratitude is the greatest antidote to worry I
have ever experienced. How come? First, worry is always about the future,
if only the next hour or minute, whereas gratitude is in the here and now.
Cast over your list of worries. Aren’t they always about what might or might
not happen? You are worried about the reaction of your boss tomorrow to
your presentation. You’re worried about how you are going to afford to send
your son to college.You’re worried about the test results. In every case, you
project yourself into the future and imagine something bad happening.
Gratitude brings you back to the present moment, to all that is working per-
fectly right now.Tomorrow may bring difficulties, but for right now, things
are pretty good.
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It is not hard to live through a day if you can live through a moment. What
creates despair is the imagination, which pretends there is a future and insists
on predicting millions of moments, thousands of days, and so drains you that
you cannot live the moment at hand.
—Andre Dubus
Gratefulness eliminates worry because it reminds us of the abundance of
our universe. It helps us remember that we’ve had many blessings in our
lives. Yes, something bad might happen, but given all that you have received
so far, chances are you will continue to be supported on your journey through
life, even in ways you would never have guessed or chosen for yourself.
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Sometimes I go about with pity for myself and all the while Great Winds are
carrying me across the sky.
—Ojibway saying
When we are grateful, we exude happiness and that makes us magnets that draw
other people toward us. They want to be around that exuberant energy. Gratitude
not only draws people to us, but it helps us keep those who are in our sphere.
When we see the glass as half-full, rather than half-empty, we notice what is
there, rather than dwelling on what is not. When we notice what’s there, we get
out of our self-absorption and realize that there are people around us, many of
whom have done wonderful things for us. And when we express our gratitude for
their presence in our lives, it’s more likely that those people will want to continue
to be around us.
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A point worth pondering: Upon completing the Universe, the Great Creator
pronounced it “very good.” Not “perfect.”
—Sarah Ban Breathnach
When I was young, I wanted to be a saint. Not just plain old good, but a bona
fide canonized saint. I figured that anything worth doing was worth doing per-
fectly, and while I was being perfect, I might as well get all the adoration that
perfectionism deserves. Sainthood seemed to fit the bill. Unfortunately, I kept
slipping up—I would forget to make my bed or get jealous of my little brother,
and then sink into despair, convinced I was a complete failure.
Ah, perfectionism! Those of us afflicted with the pesky bug may look with
amazement (You mean you don’t care you didn’t do it perfectly??) or disdain
(What kind of lazy, good for nothing guy are you?) upon those who don’t suffer
from it, but the truth is, of course, that it springs from our own sense of lack.
We simply don’t believe we’re good enough as we are in our humble, human,
imperfect state, and must therefore compensate by being Miss Perfect Goody-
Two-Shoes.
That was certainly true for me. Somehow, as a child, I got the message that
if only I did everything perfectly, life would be OK. But life has a way of being
messy and imperfectable, despite our best efforts, and individuals, including
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myself, are equally incapable of perfection. After decades of sainthood wannabes,
I finally got worn out from trying. Now, instead of attempting to make everyone
and everything fit my plan (an impossible task, even for a saint), I spend the
energy I used to use in sainthood school to be more grateful.
Because perfectionism is born of a sense of inadequacy, a lack, an attitude of
gratitude counteracts it by tapping us into the experience of abundance. Gratitude
makes our world feel complete and right. When we feel the fullness of gratitude,
we accept life just as it is—however messy, complicated, and drawn-outside-the-
lines that may be.
Gratitude not only helps us accept that the world is imperfect, but that we
are too—and that’s OK. For when we pour the oil of appreciation for life in all
its imperfections over our experience, we ourselves can’t help but be anointed.
Suddenly seized by joy for the crazy, mixed-up world, we recognize ourselves as
part of that world, and take our rightful place as a child of the Universe, perfectly
acceptable in all our imperfection.
So if you’ve been bitten by the “P” bug, try the gratitude antidote and see
whether it helps you give yourself a break.
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The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.
—Shakti Gawain
Have you ever met someone so bitter and resentful about their life that they feel
like a black hole sucking away all the energy around them? Whether we call them
pessimists, ingrates, or those who always see the glass as half-empty, they are a
drag to be around. So focused on what hasn’t worked for them, how life or other
people have mistreated them, they can’t see all the ways they have been the recipi-
ents of gifts, blessings, and wonderful surprises.
Most of us aren’t total black holes, but when we fail to give thanks for what
happens in our lives, we can get hung up in bitterness that prevents us from
developing emotionally and spiritually. If we fail to grow, the light inside us
grows dim. Gratitude is an inner light that we can use to illumine our souls. The
more we are thankful, the more light we experience and the more we shine forth
into the world.
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If