That Was a Shiver, and Other Stories. James Kelman
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of bloody society, that’s Scotland, it’s just like . . .
Dont get angry.
I’m no getting angry. We dont have to like it but because it’s the same everywhere. I mean god sake.
Dont get so upset.
I’m not.
Yes ye are. I think ye worry too much.
. . .
Ye shouldnt, she said.
I dont. I just . . . He sighed again. Ye know the song, ‘Go Lie Down’?
No.
Andy sang:
If you dont get angry lie down
go lie down
go lie down
If you dont get angry lie down
yeah just lie down, lie down
you better lie down,
you dont get angry, you lie down
That’s nice.
Yeah. What it means is go away and die. Lying down is the same as dying. If ye dont get angry ye would be as well dead. Least that’s how I see it.
You wrote it?
No, god. It’s an old blues, a great kind of . . . He paused.
I wish ye had played tonight. Why didnt ye? Eh? They were waiting to see. I saw them. They thought ye were going to. When she asked ye, the blonde woman, they were looking to see, him with the ponytail.
Andy was silent. Eventually he said, Look it’s not a big deal. I just didnt want to play, I wasnay like . . . He paused. I just didnt want to.
You write songs as well dont ye?
He shrugged.
So are they all musicians? Your friends? The ones that were there last night? Ye seemed to know them all.
Well not them all.
I just thought it was a bit strange. It looked like ye were going to play and then ye didnt.
He had his eyes open and could see by the shapes that she was looking towards him although she lay on her back. It was too dark to gauge the expression on her face.
I wasnt watching ye, she said, I was at the next table remember. I couldnt help seeing ye.
He shifted side on to her now, raised himself up to rest on his left elbow. I did notice ye, he said.
Eventually.
His chin was resting on his left hand now, he was gazing down at her. Ye were squeezed in at the side – you and yer pal.
Well I wouldnt have gone in by myself. She turned to him. I wouldnt have gone in myself.
Why because ye’re a woman?
Of course.
Ye dont get hassle in there but surely?
Dont be silly.
Seriously?
Women always get hassle.
Yeah but no the Scotia I mean I didnay think in there, it’s got the reputation for being good like I mean a place where women can go.
Huh.
People say that anyway.
Do they?
So I’m being stupid . . .
Ye’re not being stupid it’s just there’s no such thing as a hassle-free bar. There isnt. Ye’re wrong if ye think there is. Ye’re wrong. Ye are.
Well . . .
What?
Sorry, it’s just the usual like I mean if ye’re young and good looking yeah, people – guys – guys will talk to ye and whatever I mean surely?
If I was an old woman I wouldnt get bothered by men?
No what I mean
I think I know what ye mean Andy, so about tonight of course I was with a pal. I wouldnt go into a bar on my own unless I was meeting people. I mean any bar, unless it was same-sex; gay, lesbian.
Andy turned from her and lay on his back, he clasped his hands behind his head. I know that’s most pubs but I didnt know this one as well. Sorry.
Sorry?
Yeah.
Why are you sorry?
No, just . . . I was just I mean it’s supposed to have a good reputation for that I mean like just a place where women dont get hassle.
Is that a fact . . . !
. . .
Fiona said, I see ye smiling.
No ye dont.
I do.
Andy kept his hands clasped behind his head but turned a fraction towards her. Fiona had raised herself up on her shoulder, enough to be looking down on him. The light’s on yer face, she said.
I was only smiling because of yer cheek: the way ye said, Is that a fact. It’s funny. Sarcastic but funny. I’m not being critical. I know I had a few beers tonight.
More than a few.
He smiled.
Honestly.
Well I wasnay that bad!
I didnt think they were going to serve ye. Then yer pal too eyeing me up. Like trying to get off with anybody in that state – God! Come on back to our place we’re having a party!
Andy looked at her,
That was what he said, as soon as ye went to the toilet.
Tony?
Him with the ponytail.
Andy shook his head. Sorry.
There’s no need you saying sorry. It was him. He wanted me to go outside for a smoke with him.
Huh!
It was like hash he was talking about wasnt it? Was it?
Maybe, I suppose.
Fiona was silent for a time. She had watched for his reaction, then she smiled. That made him smile. It was a certain kind of smile and reminded him of somebody – an old-time film star maybe, whoever that was. But interesting, an interesting smile. Smiles can be interesting. Some anyway. Hers was. People seeing ye in a certain way. That was her, like she knew him. Or thought she did. Really. Kind of comical. His bad points too, as though she knew them and wasnay caring about them either. She had no idea.
Christ. He touched her shoulder and she moved slightly, but away from him, as a reaction, she wasnt stopping him. He traced a line along her upper arm; the outline of her right breast, shadowed. He could have touched it but couldnt. He could have touched as within easy distance easy easy distance, but he couldnt.
Really, she had no idea. If she thought she knew him! What a laugh. Fiona. Christ – but really, she didnt know anything, not a single damn thing.
That bastard Tony. It made ye laugh. A pal? Some pal. As soon as yer back was turned. He was known for it. Guys laughed. Except when it happened to you. A fucking sleaze-bag more like.
What is it? Fiona asked.
Nothing. But he had taken his hand from her shoulder. When? he couldnt remember, the thought of Tony, just so bloody stupid, but dangerous. Tony was a dangerous guy, dangerous because of how he made ye feel, like fucking battering him! Doing time for a guy like that, ye could, it was just stupid. The arrogance! Then how he saw you. That was the thing too, it was like you were a total fool and didnt see what was happening! Jesus christ!
Yer head’s twitching away! said Fiona.
Sorry.
Ye’re