The Wounds of War. Gary Blinco
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feelings and desires in her that had been dormant so far in her life, and she liked the new emotions that romped through her when she was with him.
Gary was very good looking in a rugged, dark, brooding sort of way; not as shallow and selfish as most of the men his age. He was somehow very remote as well, a sort of island, and that aspect of his nature had a strange appeal to Leanne. It spoke of depth and complexity. Perhaps she saw a bit of herself in him and that was the real attraction between them. There was definite passion and romance in their relationship, but he never tried to go beyond kissing and fondling, his values seemed old-fashioned like her own. She was often disappointed when he stopped just as she felt she wanted him to go on forever, but the disappointment turned to gratitude after their fiery passion had cooled.
She could not deny the upbringing that told her sex was something to be reserved for marriage, and that fickle, empty encounters would only lead to heartache. But for the first time in her life, she realised that she wanted a physical relationship with this man, something she had never wanted with any other man before, and she took this to be love. Whatever it was, she felt compelled to pursue it.
Gary’s father had died while he was in Vietnam the first time; and he now seemed completely devoted to his mother and his younger brothers and sisters. She had only met his family once before they were married; when he had taken her on the two-hour drive inland to the country for a long weekend. His family now lived in a small town, but they were rough, country people and they seemed out of place now in this urban environment, even in such a small town.
The farm, where he had grown up, had had to be sold when his father died. Now his mother and the children, some of whom were still very young, struggled to adapt to town life. The family seemed dirt poor to Leanne, perhaps because she had never really suffered poverty herself. She didn’t really connect with any of them during the visit, and didn’t really associate Gary with them, despite his obvious love and affection for his family. It was the hidden, mysterious part of Gary that intrigued her, and the raw animal attraction she felt for him stirred her emotions until it came to resemble love, or what she mistook for love.
Of course her own father’s job as a bank manager had not made her family rich, but it provided an adequate lifestyle, even a luxurious one, compared to Gary’s. His mother seemed a bit resentful of Leanne, perhaps because her son was clearly the centre of the woman’s universe at the time, and she did not want to share him with anyone. Gary’s whole family obviously regarded him as an outstanding success; his new world of travel and adventure a far cry from their narrow existence and his own bush beginnings.
Gary’s mother delighted in telling stories of the family’s hardships on the land. She watched Leanne’s reaction from the corner of her eye as she told of children going to bed with empty stomachs, of droughts and fires that had threatened their very existence. The woman was warm and caring, but Leanne felt out of place and uncomfortable the whole weekend. Somehow the rough, overcrowded old house where they lived offended her sensibilities. She supposed they all thought her spoiled and city bred, but she could not help it.
Despite her discomfort and reservations about his family, and his sometimes remoteness, Leanne liked Gary’s sense of commitment to his family and his job, and they began to spend every available minute together. When he at last asked her to marry him she was overjoyed, despite the fact that they had only known each other for three months. She accepted without hesitation, convinced that the strong physical attraction they shared would continue to grow and form the basis of the emotional and intellectual connections she was struggling to build at the moment.
Leanne threw herself into the wedding preparations, but sometimes, deep down, she felt somehow unmoved by the whole process. It was probably just nerves, she told herself. The excitement would come in a rush as the day drew closer. But the adrenalin rush she expected never came, even when she had stood beside her father in the church waiting to walk up the aisle and join Gary at the altar. Perhaps all the mystery and hype about marriage was a myth, invented by people who were trying to somehow rationalise their own decisions.
But she did feel a little rush of excitement and pride at last when Gary smiled at her as she joined him in the church. He looked so handsome in his military uniform, and she castigated herself for the doubts that she had been entertaining. Suddenly the mixed feelings that had dogged her as she entered the church slipped away; she was not, after all, just in love with the thought of the physical love they would soon enjoy. She really did love him.
After the wedding and the reception, when Leanne Brown had somehow became Leanne Bishop; she sat nervously in the car as they drove to the Gold Coast for the first night of their honeymoon. As a soldier she was sure he would be experienced in the bedroom, though he had never attempted to coerce her during their brief courtship. She had no sexual experience at all but she hoped that her desire for him would enable her to cope, to respond. As the car slipped along the highway she felt a mixture of excitement, anticipation, and apprehension. When they finally checked into their room, he seemed relaxed. He was patient as she brushed her teeth and changed into a pink nightgown. She had smiled nervously at him as she came back into the bedroom, and he held her reassuringly, kissing her gently before going into the bathroom to brush his own teeth and prepare for bed.
She slipped out of the pink nightie and climbed between the crisp sheets, shivering a little as the cool fabric touched her body, or perhaps it was apprehension that made the goose bumps rise on her arms. Gary emerged from the bathroom, smiling at her again as she lay in the bed with the covers drawn up around her neck. He undressed slowly, deliberately, not showing any shyness as he hung each discarded item of clothing over the back of a chair. She could not help but admire his well- developed body, his muscles rippling as he removed his clothes.
When he pulled down his underpants she gave a little start when she saw the huge erection. She had never before seen a naked man in a state of arousal, but she was sure he was abnormally large. How could she ever expect to take such a thing inside her body? He crawled into the bed beside her and took her in his arms, the hardness of his erection very much in evidence against her thighs. She shivered and recoiled a little, but he began kissing her with the same gentle passion he had shown since they first met, making no attempt to go any further until she was ready.
After a few minutes she felt herself responding, the unfulfilled sessions of their courtship returned with an urgency as innate instincts were aroused in wet expectation. Now she wanted him to make love to her, the years of chaste existence and the more recent weeks of self- denial gave way to raw feelings of desire as she clutched him to her. He was gentle but she still cried out a little, biting her lip as pain and pleasure became one. Afterwards they lay quietly together as he stroked her hair and stared into her eyes. She smiled up at him from the white sheets, her green eyes wide with wonder.
He slept then, but she lay awake in the darkness staring out of the bedroom window at the dark sea. A boat moved along the horizon, its lights winking through the darkness. She felt a little scared, a little detached from the events of the day. She could still feel the sensation of having had him deep inside her as a dull throb of painful pleasure rose up through her body.
‘But I am happy’, she told herself. ‘It is my wedding night, I must be happy. I just wish he was not so much of a man, I want to contact with his mind and emotions, to reach inside him and know his deepest feelings. I want him to show some vulnerability to go with the gentleness, maybe even cry or something. Perhaps he needs more time to reveal his inner emotions, in time I will reach him.’ She drifted to the edge of sleep at last, willing herself to believe that the wonderful physical relationship she now had would grow to fill her heart and mind as well. The roar of the breakers on the beach reached into the room, soothing her into slumber.
The rest of the honeymoon went quickly. She became more confident with her body and the sex became more pleasurable. They did a lot of tourist things, taking in the sights and experiences of the Gold Coast. At night they dined in style in one of the many restaurants the place had to offer, and they drank plenty of good wine. Gary was not a big drinker, as one might expect a soldier to be, but a few wines seemed to fire his passion.
Leanne