The Essential Julian Hawthorne Collection. Julian Hawthorne
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broken down by a stroke of feeling terribly real:
"I was a great fool--you should have told me; you knew more about it than I did. It was my self-conceit--I thought nothing was too good for me. When I saw you I thought you were the flower of the world, so I wanted you. Well--you are--the flower of the world!"
"He does love me!" said Cornelia to herself, and she knew a momentary pang of bliss which no consideration of honor or rectitude had power to dull or diminish.
"But, afterward," he went on, his voice lowering for an instant, "I saw an angel--something above all the flowers of this world--and I was fool enough to imagine she would suit me better still. You never thought so, did you, Cornelia?" he added, with a half laugh; "well--you should have told me!"
How he dragged her up and down, and struck her where she was most defenseless! Did he do it on purpose, or unconsciously?
"I mistook worship for love--that was the trouble, I fancy. Luckily, I found out in time it won't do to love what is highest--it can only make one mad. Love what you can understand--that's the way! See how wise I've become."
Bressant's laugh affected Cornelia like a deadly drug. Her speech was fettered, and she moved without her own will or guidance.
"I found out--just in time--that I needed more body and less soul--less goodness and--more Cornelia!" he concluded, epigrammatically.
So this was her position. It could hardly be more humiliating. Yet how could she rebel? for was not the yoke of her own manufacture? Indeed, had she been put to it, she might have found it a difficult matter to distinguish between the actual relation now subsisting between Bressant and herself, and that which she had been, for months past, striving to effect. He had met her half-way, that was all.
But surely it was only during this absence that this idea of abandoning Sophie, and turning to herself, had occurred to him. Half as a question, half as an exclamation, the words found their way through Cornelia's twitching lips--
"What has happened to you since you went away?"
"Oh! since we love each other, there's no use talking about that at present. If I had any idea of marrying Sophie, now, I should have to go and tell her every thing. It's so convenient to be certain that _nothing_ can change your love for me, Cornelia! No, no! I wouldn't be so suspicious of you as to tell you now."
"When am I to know, then?" she asked, fearful of she knew not what.
"After we're married, there shall be a clearing up of it all. You'll be much amused! By-the-way, I found out one queer thing--what my real name is!"
"Your real name!"
"Yes--who I am; you know I said I wasn't the same who was engaged to marry Sophie. Well, I'm not; he was a myth--there was no such person. I always thought 'Bressant' was an _incognito_, didn't you? But it turns out to be the only name I have! I hope you like it; do you think 'Mrs. Bressant' sounds well?"
"What does all this mean? What are you going to do with me? Are you making a sport of me?" cried Cornelia, clasping both hands over Bressant's arm, in a passion of helplessness. Much as she loved life, she would, at that moment, have died rather than feel that she was ridiculed and deserted by him.
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