The Red House Mystery and Other Novels. A. A. Milne
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(_taking it_). Thank you, Mary. (_Exit_ Mary _to work up her next line._) A letter! I wonder who it is from! (_Reading the envelope._) "Miss Prendergast, Honeysuckle Lodge." (_She opens it with the air of one who has often received letters before, but feels that this one may play an important part in her life._) "Dear Miss Prendergast, I hope you will pardon the presumption of what I am about to write to you, but whether you pardon me or not, I ask you to listen to me. I know of no woman for whose talents I have a greater admiration or for whose qualities I have a more sincere affection than yourself. Since I have known you, you have been the lodestar of my existence, the fountain of my inspiration. I feel that, were your life joined to mine, the joint path upon which we trod would be the path to happiness, such as I have as yet hardly dared to dream of. In short, dear Miss Prendergast, I ask you to marry me, and I will come in person for my answer. Yours truly (_in a voice of intense surprise_) Jas. Bootle!"
(_At the word "Bootle" a wave of warm colour rushes over Alice and dyes her from neck to brow. If she is not an actress of sufficient calibre to ensure this, she must do the best she can by starting abruptly and putting her hand to her throat._)
~Alice~ (_aside, in a choking voice_). Mr. Bootle! In love with Jane!
~Jane.~ My dear! The man who took me down to dinner! Well!
~Alice~ (_picking up her work again and trying to be calm_). What will you say?
~Jane~ (_rather pleased with herself_). Well, really--I--this is--Mr. Bootle! Fancy!
~Alice~ (_starting up_). Was that a ring? (_She frowns at the prompter and a bell is heard to ring._) It is Mr. Bootle! I know his ring, I mean I know---- Dear, I think I will go and lie down. I have a headache.
(_She looks miserably at the audience, closes her eyes, and goes off with her handkerchief to her mouth, taking care not to fall over the furniture._)
_Enter_ Mary, _followed by James Bootle._
~Mary.~ Mr. Bootle. (_Exit finally._)
~Jane.~ Good morning, Mr. Bootle.
~Bootle.~ I beg--I thought--why, of course! It's Miss--er--h'm, yes. How do you do? Did you get back safely last night?
~Jane.~ Yes, thank you. (_Coyly._) I got your letter.
~Bootle.~ My letter? (_Sees his letter on the table. Furiously._) You opened my letter!
~Jane~ (_mistaking his fury for passion_). Yes, James. And (_looking down on the ground_) the answer is "Yes."
~Bootle~ (_realising the situation_). By George! (_Aside._) I have proposed to the wrong lady. Tchck!
~Jane.~ You may kiss me, James.
~Bootle.~ Have you a sister?
~Jane~ (_missing the connection_). Yes, I have a younger sister, Alice. (_Coldly._) But I hardly see----
~Bootle~ (_beginning to understand how he made the mistake_). A younger sister! Then you are Miss Prendergast? And my letter--Ah!
_Enter_ Alice.
~Alice.~ You are wanted, Jane, a moment.
~Jane.~ Will you excuse me, Mr. Bootle?
(_Exit._)
~Bootle~ (_to Alice, as she follows her sister out_). Don't go!
~Alice~ (_wanly, if she knows how_). Am I to stay and congratulate you?
~Bootle.~ Alice! (_They approach the footlights, while_ Jane, _having finished her business, comes in unobserved and watches from the back._) It is all a mistake! I didn't know your Christian name--I didn't know you had a sister. The letter I addressed to Miss Prendergast I meant for Miss Alice Prendergast.
~Alice.~ James! My love! But what can we do?
~Bootle~ (_gloomily_). Nothing. As a man of honour I cannot withdraw. So two lives are ruined!
~Alice.~ You are right, James. Jane must never know. Good-bye!
(_They give each other a farewell embrace._)
~Jane~ (_aside_). They love. (_Fiercely._) But he is mine; I will hold him to his promise! (_Picking up a photograph of Alice as a small child from an occasional table._) Little Alice! And I promised to take care of her--to protect her from the cruel world. Baby Alice! (_She puts her handkerchief to her eyes._) No! I will not spoil two lives! (_Aloud._) Why good-bye, Alice?
(Bootle _and_ Alice, _who have been embracing all this time, unless they can think of something else to do, break away in surprise._)
~Alice.~ Jane--we--I----
~Jane~ (_calmly_). Dear Alice! I understand perfectly. Mr. Bootle said in his letter to you that he was coming for his answer, and I see what answer you have given him. (_To_ Bootle.) You remember I told you it would be "Yes." I know my little sister, you see.
~Bootle~ (_tactlessly_). But--you told me I could kiss you!
~Jane~ (_smiling_). And I tell you again now. I believe it is usual for men to kiss their sisters-in-law? (_She offers her cheek._ Bootle, _whose day it is, salutes her respectfully._) And now (_gaily_) perhaps I had better leave you young people alone!
(_Exit, with a backward look at the audience expressive of the fact that she has been wearing the mask._)
~Bootle.~ Alice, then you are mine, after all!
~Alice.~ James! (_They k---- No, perhaps better not. There has been quite enough for one evening._) And to think that she knew all the time. Now I am quite, quite happy. And James--you _will_ remember in future that I am Miss _Alice_ Prendergast?
~Bootle~ (_gaily_). My dear, I shall only be able to remember that you are The Future Mrs. Bootle!
CURTAIN.
XLIII. "AT DEAD OF NIGHT"
_The stage is in semi-darkness as_ Dick Trayle _throws open the window from outside, puts his knee on the sill, and falls carefully into the drawing-room of Beeste Hall. He is dressed in a knickerbocker suit with arrows on it (such as can always be borrowed from a friend), and, to judge from the noises which he emits, is not in the best of training. The lights go on suddenly; and he should seize this moment to stagger to the door and turn on the switch. This done he sinks into the nearest chair and closes his eyes._
_If he has been dancing very late the night before, he may drop into a peaceful sleep; in which case the play ends here. Otherwise, no sooner are his eyes closed than he opens them with a sudden start and looks round in terror._
~Dick~ (_striking the keynote at once_). No, no! Let me out--I am innocent! (_He gives a gasp of relief as he realises the situation._) Free! It is true, then! I have escaped! I dreamed that I was back in prison again! (_He shudders and helps himself to a large whisky-and-soda, which he swallows at a gulp._) That's better! Now I feel a new man--the man I was three years ago. Three years! It has been a lifetime! (_Pathetically to the audience._) Where is Millicent now? (_The audience guesses that she is in the making-up room, but musn't say so._) Alas! (_He falls into a reverie, from which he is suddenly wakened by a noise outside. He starts, and then creeps rapidly to the switch, arriving there at the moment when the lights go out. Then he goes swiftly behind the window curtain. The lights go up again as_ Jasper Beeste _comes in with a revolver in one hand and a bull's-eye lantern of apparently enormous candle power in the other._)
~Jasper~ (_in immaculate evening dress_). I thought