The Red House Mystery and Other Novels. A. A. Milne
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I meant-----
BELINDA. Mr. Devenish said I was as old as the--now, I must get this the right way round--as old as the-----
TREMAYNE. I don't want to talk about Mr. Devenish.
BELINDA (_with a sigh_). Nobody ever does--except Mr. Devenish. As old as the stars, and as young as the dawn. (_Settling herself cosily_.) I think that's rather a nice age to be, don't you?
TREMAYNE. A very nice age to be.
BELINDA. It's a pity he's thrown me over for Delia; I shall miss that sort of thing rather. You don't say those sort of things about your aunt-in-law----not so often.
TREMAYNE (_eagerly_). He really is in love with Miss Robinson!
BELINDA. Oh yes. I expect he is out in the moonlight with her now, comparing her to Diana.
TREMAYNE. Well, that accounts for _him. _Now what about Baxter?
BELINDA. I thought I told you. Deeply disappointed to find that I was four years older than he expected, Mr. Baxter hurried from the drawing- room and buried himself in a column of the _Encyclopedia Britannica_.
TREMAYNE. Well, that settles Baxter. Are there any more men in the neighbourhood?
BELINDA (_shaking her head_). Isn't it awful? I've only had those two for the last three weeks.
(TREMAYNE _sits on the back of the Chesterfield and looks down at her_.)
TREMAYNE. Belinda.
BELINDA. Yes, Henry!
TREMAYNE. My name is John.
BELINDA. Well, you never told me. I had to guess. Everybody thinks they can call me Belinda without giving me the least idea what their own names are. You were saying, John?
TREMAYNE. My friends call me Jack.
BELINDA. Jack Robinson. That's the man who always goes away so quickly. I hope you're making more of a stay?
TREMAYNE (_seizing her by both arms_). Oh, you maddening, maddening woman!
BELINDA. Well, I have to keep the conversation going. You do nothing but say "Belinda."
TREMAYNE (_taking her hand_). Have you ever loved anybody seriously, Belinda?
BELINDA. I don't ever do anything very seriously. The late Mr. Tremayne, my first husband--Jack---- Isn't it funny, _his_ name was Jack--he used to complain about it too sometimes.
TREMAYNE (_with conviction_). Silly ass!
BELINDA. Ah, I think you are a little hard on the late Mr. Tremayne.
TREMAYNE. Belinda, I want you to marry me and forget about him.
BELINDA (_happily to herself and lying back_). This is the proposal that those lamb cutlets interrupted this morning.
TREMAYNE. Belinda, I love you--do you understand?
BELINDA. Suppose my first husband turns up suddenly like--like E. A.?
TREMAYNE. Like who?
BELINDA. Well, like anybody.
TREMAYNE. He won't--I know he won't. Don't you love me enough to risk it, Belinda?
BELINDA. I haven't really said I love you at all yet.
TREMAYNE. Well, say it now.
(BELINDA _looks at him, and then down again_.)
You do! Well, I'm going to have a kiss, anyway, (_He kisses her quickly--moves to_ L. _of Chesterfield_.) There!
BELINDA (_rising_). O-oh I The late Mr. Tremayne never did that. (_She powders her nose_.)
TREMAYNE. I have already told you that he was a silly ass. (_He makes a move as if to kiss her again_.)
BELINDA (_holding up her hand and sitting on the_ R. _side of the Chesterfield_). I shall scream for Mr. Baxter.
TREMAYNE (_sitting down on the Chesterfield, on her_ L, _side_.) Belinda----
BELINDA. Yes, Henry--I mean, Jack?
TREMAYNE. Do you know who I am! (_He is thoroughly enjoying the surprise he is about to give her_.)
BELINDA (_nodding_). Yes, Jack.
TREMAYNE. Who?
BELINDA. Jack Tremayne.
TREMAYNE (_jumping up_). Good heavens, you _know_!
BELINDA (_gently_). Yes, Jack.
TREMAYNE (_angrily_). You've known all the time that I was your husband, and you've been playing with me and leading me on.
BELINDA (_mildly_). Well, darling, you knew all the time that I was your wife, and you've been making love to me and leading me on.
TREMAYNE. That's different.
BELINDA (_to herself_). That's just what the late Mr. Tremayne said, and then he slammed the door and went straight off to the Rocky Mountains and shot bears; and I didn't see him again for eighteen years.
TREMAYNE (_remorsefully_). Darling, I was a fool then, and I'm a fool now.
BELINDA. I was a fool then, but I'm not such a fool now--I'm not going to let you go. It's quite time I married and settled down.
TREMAYNE. You darling I (_He kisses her_.) How did you find out who I was?
BELINDA (_awkwardly_). Well, it was rather curious, darling. (_After a pause_.) It was April, and I felt all sort of Aprily, and--and--there was the garden all full of daffodils--and--and there was Mr. Baxter--the one we left in the library--knowing all about moles. He's probably got the M. volume down now. Well, we were talking about them one day, and I happened to say that the late Mr. Tremayne--that was you, darling--had rather a peculiar one on his arm. And then he happened to see it this morning and told me about it.
TREMAYNE. What an extraordinary story!
BELINDA. Yes, darling; it's really much more extraordinary than that. I think perhaps I'd better tell you the rest of it another time. (_Coaxingly_.) Now show me where the nasty lion scratched you.
(TREMAYNE _pulls up his sleeve_.) Oh! (_She kisses his arm_.) You shouldn't have left Chelsea, darling.
TREMAYNE. I should never have found you if I hadn't.
BELINDA (_squeezing his arm_). No, Jack, you wouldn't. (_After a pause_.) I--I've got another little surprise for you if--if you're ready for it. (_Standing up and moving to the chair_ L. _of the table_.) Properly speaking, I ought to be wearing white. I shall certainly stand up while I'm telling you. (_Modestly_.) Darling, we have a daughter--our little Delia. (_He is standing in front of the fireplace_.)
TREMAYNE. Delia? You said her name was Robinson.
BELINDA. Yes, darling, but you said yours was. One always takes one's father's name. Unless, of course, you were Lord Robinson.
TREMAYNE. But you said her name was Robinson before you--
(_She makes a playful move_.)