By Example: Twelve Personal Missions That Will Maximize Your Human Potential. Travis Slone
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surgery. I still remember sitting in the quiet office with the cardiologist, trying my best not to space out while she explained the situation. Talk about a jaw dropper... I woke up that morning thinking about what to eat for breakfast, and then went to bed that same night worried about which type of prosthetic aortic valve I would prefer... hmmm, hadn’t thought about that one before. It was the first of many sleepless nights.
The following week was spent undergoing various tests and procedures as the surgeons prepared for the big operation. Gaps of free time were filled with calls from family, or trying to keep track of my new grocery list of medications, and the even longer list of unpleasant side-effects that came with each pill. I started with a good attitude, sure that I could will myself to a speedy recovery, but it was all more exhausting than I could even imagine.
My family was there every step of the way, doing their best to comfort me and appear strong, although I saw in their eyes a greater fear than my own. It was the fear of losing a husband, a son, or a father... a fear that I did not understand at the time. My military comrades, civilian co-workers, and local friends were also very supportive, and always trying to help in whatever ways they could. But as reality set in over the following weeks, my worldview darkened, and the help of others became a constant nagging reminder of how helpless I had become.
My one scheduled week in the hospital turned into three, with multiple frightening trips back to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). Each time I tried to walk around the ward or take a stroll around the block, I would wind up having some crazy palpitations or an inflamed heart muscle. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. Coughing was avoided at all costs, and sneezing was entirely out of the question. I went nowhere without my heart-shaped pillow from the hospital and a spare pain pill or two. It was like the old saying, “one step forward and two steps back” over and over again. I missed running and exercise so badly, for it was how I always coped with stress, how I met friends, and how I had come to be proud of myself. I soon discovered that without my physical abilities, I was very weak overall, and that made me feel vulnerable and afraid to lose even more.
Throughout the whole ordeal, I spent so much of my time thinking about the past and future, that I actually felt lost in the present. Being an injured or ill soldier is a scary place to be, especially if you love the job and want to continue as part of the team. It’s just not a culture where being weak is acceptable, even if you are the only one who sees yourself that way. For it takes strong people to accomplish the mission, and it was hard to see myself as strong while recovering in a military environment.
I tried to cope normally at first, but with my physical limitations I failed miserably. I turned my frustration inward, and denied the emotional pain that I was in. Soon after, it began to surface as anger and resentment with the people around me, and with the system as a whole. I slowly isolated myself by pushing people away until I eventually lost my family, my job, my home, my health, and my pride in who I was. With few other viable options in mind, I turned to substance abuse, and eventually had serious thoughts of ending my own life. For the first time ever, I knew what it was like to be lost and without hope.
While at an all time low, I decided that my SGLI (life insurance) was worth more than I could provide on my own, so I got in my Ford Mustang and headed down a dead end country road at more than 100 miles per hour. As the speedometer pushed higher, I unbuckled my safety belt, closed my eyes, and thought for sure I was done... But there would be more to my story.
My life flashed before my eyes, and I suddenly realized that I was running from my problems once again. I considered the struggles that my mother had overcome, and the positive impact she had made on many lives as a result. Before it was too late, I slammed the brakes, turned the car around, and decided to make something positive out of the adversity that I was in. If I died from a heart valve problem or an unexpected blood clot, I was ok with that. But I was going to use every minute I had left to put my life back together, to hold my daughter in my arms once again, and to lead by example in whatever ways I could manage. My story, as I began to recognize, was a perfect opportunity to inspire others. The only thing that it lacked was a positive ending, and creating that ending became my new mission.
Fortunately, though I was lost and alone at the time, I was lost in the right place... The Present Moment. I chose to begin a new life… with only what I had… precisely where I was, and that has made all the difference. After the surgery, the ensuing year-long medical-board process, and an arduous personal journey, I took control of my time, and began to spend it more wisely.
My family reunited after an unfortunate separation, and we had two more children while stationed overseas. I was promoted to Sergeant, and then Staff Sergeant within two years, which afforded me the priceless gift of leading soldiers and watching them grow for nearly a decade. I completed a bachelor’s degree by attending classes at night, did my master’s through the Army Social Work Program, and received a commission as a behavioral science officer.
One thing I did to motivate myself was that I started an experience journal. In it, I simply put one liner entries about places I go and experiences I have with certain people who have made my life more meaningful. Think bucket list, but backwards. I make an effort to add diversity to the book, and to leave behind a little piece of who I was, and what I saw. In some ways, I see it as part of my legacy, and I hope that it will inspire my children or grandchildren when I’m gone. To date, the book has more than 750 entries, and I look through it on days when I’m feeling down or just bored. The journal always reminds me that if I want a more rewarding life, I have to begin where I am... and create it.
After more than ten years with a plastic heart valve, I now see it as my greatest strength, ever reminding me to be thankful, and to make the most of life while I can. I have traveled extensively throughout Europe and the United States, and enjoy long-distance treks through the wilderness. As of the time we wrote this book, I am climbing mountains for fun, and have ascended more than 25 peaks over 14,000 feet. I even hiked over 41 miles of the Colorado Trail in a single day (my personal best) ten years after the operation. As for the heart valve, it still offers its limitations, and will need to be replaced again in the coming years. However, my focus isn’t on limitations anymore, it is on possibility.
As I have come to believe through my journey in life, I am just a guy who wakes up every morning with 24 hours to spend on anything I want. While I am by no means an expert at living, I have learned to live very differently than I did as a young Private First Class. The important lesson here is that my open-heart surgery, and the subsequent adversity, forced me to erase what I had envisioned of my future, and leave my past behind. I was a changed person with an evolving identity, and I was focused on the present... for that was all I could manage at the time.
- Travis R. Slone
We chose this story to kick of the By Example experience because, in many ways, it touches on all twelve of the personal missions that you will encounter along the way. First and foremost, you must begin where you are, and work with what you have.
Travis’ story brings to mind the words of Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and holocaust survivor who once wrote,
“When we are no longer able to change our situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
By changing ourselves, we agree to participate in the natural processes within the Universe, rather than fight a losing battle against them.
To this point, Marsha Linehan coined the term Radical Acceptance, which describes a decision to be where we are, and to accept our circumstances without judgment. For in doing so, we agree to seek understanding rather than blame, and to be the change that we wish to see.
As you begin this individual journey in search of true satisfaction with your own life, it is important to begin where you are by acknowledging the reality of your own unique situation. This includes, but is not limited to, your environment, experience, resources, personality, strengths, challenges, and so on. Not so much what you imagine these things to be, but what actually is. It is time to face the facts, and to tell yourself the truth.