The Life and Death of Rochester Sneath. Humphry Berkeley
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certainly wish the scale of its hospitality to be second to none.
With kind regards and all good wishes.
Yours sincerely,
H. Rochester Sneath
Headmaster
March 19th, 1948
The College, Marlborough, Wilts
Dear Mr Sneath,
I have your letter of March 15th. I did nothing whatever to engineer the recent Royal visit, I merely received a communication from the King’s Private Secretary saying that the King and Queen could visit the school on March 12th if that day would be convenient.
No doubt the fact that the King’s Private Secretary, the Lord Chancellor and the Archbishop of Canterbury are all Old Marlburians had something to do with the matter.
I simply made arrangements for the day when I knew that the King and Queen would come.
I am in no position to help you in your request.
Yours truly,
F. M. Heywood
Master
March 26th, 1948
Selhurst School, Near Petworth, Sussex
Dear Heywood,
I am writing you this letter in the strictest confidence. I understand from a Mr Robert Agincourt who was Senior French Master at Selhurst, for one term two years ago, that he is applying for a post on the staff of Marlborough College.
He has asked me if I could give him a testimonial to present to you and I told him that by no stretching of veracity was I able to do this. You will understand that nothing that I have to say about Mr Agincourt is actuated by any personal malice but I feel it my duty to inform you of the impression that he gave while he was at Selhurst.
During his brief stay no less than five boys were removed from the school as a result of his influence, and three of the Matrons had nervous breakdowns. The pictures on the walls of his rooms made a visiting Bishop shudder and would certainly rule out another Royal visit. His practices were described by the Chairman of the County Hospital as ‘Hunnish’. The prominent wart on his nose was wittily described as ‘the blot on the twentieth century’ by a visiting conjuror.
As you can not fail to have noticed, his personal appearance is against him, and, after one memorable Carol Service, a titled Lady who was sitting next to him collapsed in a heap. He was once observed climbing a tree in the School Grounds naked at night and on another occasion he threw a flower pot at the wife of the Chairman of the Board of Governors.
Should you wish any further information, I should be glad to furnish it for I could not wish another Headmaster to undergo the purgatory that I suffered that term.
I am staying for some days with my sister Mrs Harvey-Kelly at Castle Brae, Chesterton, Cambridge and I would be grateful if you would reply to this address.
Yours sincerely,
H. Rochester Sneath
Headmaster
March 28th, 1948
The College, Marlborough, Wilts
Dear Mr Sneath,
The man whom you have mentioned has not made any approach to me and I require no further information about him.
Yours truly,
F. M. Heywood
Master
April 2nd, 1948
Selhurst School, Near Petworth, Sussex
My dear Heywood,
I am sorry to trouble you yet again but I thought it right to inform you that Mr Agincourt has abandoned the idea of an academic career and has now become a waiter in a Greek restaurant in Soho.
Incidentally, I dined with the Lord Chancellor last night and he spoke of you to me in the highest possible terms.
There are just two things that you can do for me. In the first place I am anxious to engage a private detective and would be grateful if you could give me the name of the man you normally use. Could you also recommend a competent nursery maid?
With kind regards.
Yours ever,
H. Rochester Sneath
Headmaster
April 4th, 1948
The College, Marlborough, Wilts
Dear Mr Sneath,
I cannot imagine why you should suppose that I employ a private detective, and I am not an agency for domestic servants. I really must ask you not to bother me with this kind of thing.
Yours truly,
F. M. Heywood
Master
To Mr George Bernard Shaw
Selhurst School, Near Petworth, Sussex
Dear Mr Bernard Shaw,
In view of the long-standing connection between your late wife’s family and Selhurst School I am emboldened to invite you to be present at the tricentenary celebrations of the foundation of the School, which will be taking place during the weekend of the 19-20th June, honoured by the presence of the Minister of Education, Mr George Tomlinson. I venture to hope that you might be willing to address a few words to our boys, and, should you accept, I will be glad if you would take as your text ‘A Clarion Call to Youth’. Incidentally you may remember meeting me in Dublin some years ago.
Yours sincerely,
H. Rochester Sneath
Headmaster
Mr Bernard Shaw has long since been obliged by advancing years to retire from his committees and his personal activities on the platform. He therefore begs secretaries of societies to strike his name from their lists of available speakers. Mr Shaw does not open exhibitions or bazaars, take the chair, speak at public dinners, give his name as vice-president or patron, make appeals for money on behalf of hospitals or ‘good causes’ (however deserving), nor do any ceremonial public work. Neither can he take part in new movements nor contribute to the first numbers of new magazines. He begs his correspondents to excuse him accordingly.
Never heard of any such connection. Too old (91 and a half) anyhow. – G.B.S.
Ayot Saint Lawrence, Welwyn, Herts 29/3/1948
To Sir William Reid Dick
April 22nd, 1948
Selhurst School, Near Petworth, Sussex
Dear Sir William Reid Dick,
As you may perhaps be aware, Selhurst is this year to celebrate the third centenary of its foundation. A committee has been formed, and it has been decided that a statue should be erected in the forecourt. I have been asked to enquire if you would undertake the work, for it is the opinion of the Committee that none but the best will do for Selhurst. The details of size and material could be settled at a later date. Unfortunately no authentic portrait exists of our founder, the Puritan leader Ebenezer Okeshot, although I understand that there