Rite of Passage for the Home and Church. D. Kevin Brown
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happens next would send goose bumps over the arm of even the most hardened person. On the TV screen appear three small, red parachutes above the blackened, silvery spacecraft dangling below. Suddenly, through the static of the radio, everyone hears these words, “Uh, Hello Houston, this is Odyssey. It’s good to see you again!” The engineers, scientists and experts at Mission Control and literally all of America explode in spontaneous cheering and clapping! Tears flow uncontrollably even from Walter Cronkite, who removes his black, horn-rimmed glasses to wipe his cheek. The cheering, hugs, kisses, tears and joy flow in tumultuous jubilation! They made it! They made it! Thank God they made it home!
I’ve watched that movie and that scene at least a dozen times through the years and even in writing the last paragraph there are tears in my eyes. It’s emotional! Against almost all odds these three men made it home safely! “Welcome home!” they were told by Mission Control in Houston. When I think about the total relief that must have flooded the minds and hearts of the families and all the friends of the astronauts, it is awe-inspiring to me. They made it back home! They are alive, safe and sound!
OUR PROBLEM
I share this extended account of the journey of Apollo 13 to the moon because it parallels what I would like to share with you in this book. Apollo 13 and its voyage to the moon is analogous to the journey of raising and training young adults. It is a journey filled with many difficulties and uncertainties. Much like the training of astronauts, we are training our children or young people in an attempt to one day catapult them into adulthood. I’m not talking about just raising young adults for the sake of saying they are grown; rather, I’m talking about raising Christ-centered young adults. If that is a goal for you and your family, or for you and your ministry, then we must realize something. Many are sending their children off to college, work and adulthood, just as rockets sent the Odyssey to the moon. The mission of Apollo 13 was to land on to the moon, yet they didn’t make it. Many of our children aren’t reaching their destination. What is that destination? Christ-centered adulthood is their mission, yet many of our young people are not developing into Christ-centered young adults. Therefore, we must sound the alarm and declare, “Houston, we have a problem.”
There are no magic potions or sure-fire methods that can guarantee the mission of producing young adults who will be Christ-centered and rock-solid in their faith. Yet, I am convinced there are Scriptural patterns, if heeded, which can give us greater confidence toward accomplishing our mission. The purpose of this book is to share what I believe are those patterns and how we can implement them in our homes and churches.
After being a business man for many years, I realized God was moving me toward and giving me a desire to become a pastor. Initially, I served in an associate pastor role, yet, I was viewed by most as the “youth pastor.” Later I became the pastor of this same church and it’s where I continue to pastor today. Prior to sensing God’s prompting me to be recognized as an elder/pastor, I had taught the high school Sunday School class for 17 years. I saw firsthand and had become very dismayed by the exodus of our young adults from the church soon after graduation. I saw this abandonment was not just taking place at the church I attended and helped to lead, but was, and is, taking place in many churches throughout the nation across all denominations.
I consider it unfortunate that I have first-hand experience of this exodus. Yet, because of my many years of teaching and subsequently having seen many young adults walk away from the church and ultimately the faith, I began to seek answers to this troubling dilemma. At this point I want you to know that I in no way intend to come across as one having all the answers. I don’t want to give even the slightest impression that I have even most of the answers. The truth is that my family and I are still a “work in progress.” I struggle every day as a parent. Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Yet, I believe through the many years of being in the trenches, I have learned some things that may warrant consideration.
In America today, we have a problem in Christendom. Our young people are graduating from our high schools and heading off to work or college and are subsequently walking away from their faith. Simply put, we are not accomplishing the mission of making disciples. Jesus said that we are to go and make disciples of all nations (see Matt. 28:19-20). But, we are making very few. Indeed we should say, “Houston, we have a problem!” Statistics show we are failing miserably in producing godly young adults that continue or remain in their faith (see barna.org for many of these studies and statistical analysis.) To use the failed Apollo 13 mission to describe our families, there has been an “explosion” onboard and now we must figure out a way to get our young people safely home. I’m not talking about the home where they grew up; instead, I’m talking about the home in heaven that awaits the genuine believer in Christ. We must change our mindsets, course of action and ultimately our ecclesiology. If we don’t, we stand to lose an entire generation of young adults; if this hasn’t already happened right under our noses, not to mention subsequent generations.
We must come to grips with the truth that stares us in the face. We must admit that we have a problem. Many have become comfortable with simply dropping their kids off at church and claiming “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6 KJV). Yet, we will come to understand this modern-day pattern is not Scriptural and is an utter failure. The problem of our young people walking away is centered in a problem that is in our homes, not our churches.
WHAT’S GOING ON?
To illustrate this problem, consider what is happening in many “Christian” homes today. A child or young person is disrespectful and dishonoring in their actions and their speech. They have little or no desire for the things of God and they have to be coaxed, begged or bribed to attend church. They struggle mightily in how they speak to you as their parent and their siblings. Their speech is often rude, unkind or mean. Yet, they claim to be a Christian. If this is the case, can you see there has been an “explosion” onboard? Should we be entrusting their eternity in their profession of faith in Christ if this is the behavior we are witnessing? Could it be that what we are seeing evidenced in their lives is the absence of the Holy Spirit of God? Some would say, “No, it’s just immaturity.” I understand that conclusion. But the Bible says, “Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright” (Prov. 20:11). Could it be that their behavior is revealing the truth of who they really are? Would we want to swallow hard and admit that their selfishness, irresponsibility and lack of godliness are quite simply indications that they are a sinner? After all, isn’t this how a “sinner” behaves?
I understand what I’ve described might not be indicative of your situation, but do you know homes like this? What I will describe in this book has everything to do with the work of the Holy Spirit of God and very little to do with some new approach or program.
I will attempt to define the patterns of raising Christ-centered young adults through a process I call “Rite of Passage” (ROP). From the beginning, I want you to understand ROP is not something new. It is actually something as old as Scripture. It is a process of teaching, admonishing and training our young people that brings with it specific expectations and encouragements that work within families and between families in the Body of Christ.
ROP exposes parents and children to what the Bible teaches about becoming and acting like a young adult. ROP has become a high water mark for many young people in the church I help to lead. In fact the children in our church can’t wait to turn 12 and be eligible, upon parental approval, for participation in this spiritual process. I describe ROP in detail in chapter 5, but I want you to understand at this point that ROP is simply a process that mirrors Scripture in training our young people. ROP has as its ultimate goal the statement of Christ as a 12-year-old: “Didn’t you know I had to be about my Father’s business?” ROP is much more than just another program that you have in your church or in your home. It’s also not a quick-hit program that one uses at the end of the child’s upbringing. ROP is truly a way of life or the ultimate mission of a family that begins when the children are born. It is a way of describing the spiritual nature and process of the training and admonition which must take place on a daily basis so