Bad Boy Nietzsche! and Other Plays. Richard Foreman
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a spell on Nietzsche): Shit-heads of the entire world. Do you really believe that Mr. Nietzsche’s purpose here on earth is to bring light into places where up till now there has been darkness?
NIETZSCHE (Sings, cuddling his horse in a corner): Nobody sees my Chinese horse.
THE CHILD (Lifting a whip): You’ve never even been to China, you bad bad bad boy.
NIETZSCHE: Whip me, sir, and you whip my horse. (She whips) Whip my horse, sir—and I, also, suffer those same blows. Remember—I’ll pay you very well.
THE CHILD (Backing away; singing): Jews in my bread . . . (Falls over a horse, cries out, and then recovers) I have wonderful—Jews in my bread.
THE DANGEROUS MAN: This does not look like China, you crazy man!
NIETZSCHE: Maybe not . . . but—I’m on my way.
(A tone sounds as the giant shipwreck puppet slides in again. This time, dangling from his fingers, there is a blackboard on which are written magical Hebrew letters. A pair of legs rises feetfirst from the ocean, and, between the two legs, the Phallic Serpent. Nietzsche grabs the whip and starts beating at the waves, rather ineffectively. A Voice sings out: “Hello! Hello! Hello!”
Nietzsche drops the whip and tries to erase the kabbalistic letters on the blackboard as the lights fade to black.
In the darkness a Deep Voice says: “Remember,” and Nietzsche cries out: “Hello!” Then the lights return, the puppet is gone, and Nietzsche sits alone on a bench. A moment later, a big snake with a human hand instead of a head jumps up from the ocean and plops onto the bench next to Nietzsche, with its tail still hidden, invisible inside the ocean.
The Child is heard crying, and then appears onstage, struggling step by step, supported by two crutches that are too big for her.)
(Running back and forth nervously; to the Child) Don’t cry . . . don’t cry . . .
(More and more of the snake’s body pours over the edge of the ocean wall. As the Child continues sobbing, the Scholars enter on their hands and knees, scrubbing the floor. Nietzsche starts throwing all available objects, including the leftover stuffed horses, over the wall into the ocean. The Beautiful Woman enters, also crawling on her knees, laboriously rolling a big boulder. Nietzsche grabs the boulder and she screams and falls flat on the floor. He throws the boulder into the ocean, then flexes his muscles, trying to believe in his own powers.)
VOICE:
Here is a man.
Here is a man.
(Nietzsche grabs the hand on the end of the snake and struggles with it, becoming wound up in the snake’s coils, but eventually he subdues it and throws the beast into the ocean. He collapses against a wall in exhaustion, but quickly pushes himself away, lifting his arms and uttering an inarticulate cry of triumph. He races to the side of the room, where he pounds on a piano keyboard.)
NIETZSCHE (Stepping back from the piano as the Beautiful Woman struggles to her feet): What do I need? I mean—NEED—most of all?
(He runs over to pull the cabinet with the cannon into the center of the room, falling to his knees in the midst of his frantic efforts, then scrambling up again to complete the task. He stands panting, hitched to the cabinet as if he were a workhorse pulling a wagon. We can now see that the cabinet resembles an armor-plated tank. The Beautiful Woman picks up a whip.)
THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN (As frantic music quiets, she leans seductively toward Nietzsche): Say “need,” Mr. Nietzsche. Say, “What do I need?!”
NIETZSCHE (Embarrassed): I need you—looking at “me.”
THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN: Well. I NEED it, too, Mr. Nietzsche—you— (Whips him once and he screams) —looking at me.
(The cabinet is pulled back to the side as Scholars strap a belt around Nietzsche’s chest. Many wooden sticks extend from the belt to the floor, forming a kind of “stick tent” that makes it impossible for him to move.)
(To Nietzsche) Are you looking at me?
(The Dangerous Man strides onstage; the Child tracks him.)
THE DANGEROUS MAN (Stopping suddenly and whirling about suspiciously): Why is everybody looking at me!
(A lightning flash—all react with a scream and a whirl to protect their eyes, except Nietzsche, who cannot move.)
How the hell do I know what kind of movements to make next?
(A High Voice sings: “Hello!” The Dangerous Man and the Child go and thrust their chests against the probes, and the Dangerous Man whispers: “Stage fright!” The Voice sings: “Hello!” and the Scholars hold a target in front of Nietzsche’s face.)
ALL (Shouting in fear): Stage fright!
(Other Scholars spin the Child and the Dangerous Man in a fast whirl. The Child cries out: “Help.” All are suddenly frozen.)
THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN: Thought has now come to faraway China.
(The target in front of Nietzsche switches to a kabbalistic sign.)
Thought is now upside-down, of course—
(Another flash of light startles everyone. The Voice sings: “Hello!”)
—on the other side of the world—
(Nietzsche moans as the sign reverses to the target. The others gently wave their arms like slow-flying vultures.)
—something wiped out—immense—where death rules things.
NIETZSCHE (Peeking out from behind the target): This does not mean that death rules things.
(The Scholars detach Nietzsche from his tent of sticks.)
THE DANGEROUS MAN: Death? I better look that up in my Chinese dictionary. But in the meantime, let’s have drinks! Drinks for everybody!
(The Scholars carry in one tray with drinks and another with the large loaf of bread.)
THE CHILD: On an empty stomach?
THE DANGEROUS MAN: Why the hell not?
THE CHILD: We’d stagger around being drunk.
THE DANGEROUS MAN: That sounds OK to me—
THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN (Seizing the bread): There is bread, to calm such terrible stomachs.
THE DANGEROUS MAN: Where the hell did that bread come from?
(Lightning and thunder as the wall rolls in again, hiding the rear of the room. The Child screams, and Nietzsche grabs the bread.)
NIETZSCHE: Do not be afraid! Do not be afraid! I will protect this holy bread—from wind, rain, thunder and lightning!
(Nietzsche, the Dangerous Man and the Child sit on a bench that has been placed in front of the moving wall. They face the audience.)
THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN: Careful, shithead Nietzsche—there are jewels in that bread!
THE DANGEROUS MAN: If there are really jewels in that holy bread, which I don’t think very likely—
NIETZSCHE: There are jewels in this holy bread.
THE DANGEROUS MAN: That would make it goddamn dangerous to eat that holy bread.
THE CHILD: Oh, how dangerous