The Count of Monte Cristo, Part Three. Александр Дюма
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the door)
His Excellence—the Count of Monte Cristo.
MONTE CRISTO
(entering)
Punctuality is the politeness of Kings, I believe one of your sovereigns pretended, but whatever may be their wish, it isn’t always that of travelers. Now, my dear Vicomte I hope you will excuse, in favor of my good intentions, the two or three seconds delay I have taken in arriving at the meeting. Five hundred leagues are not without some inconveniences, in France especially where it is forbidden, it seems, to beat the coachmen.
ALBERT
Count, I was just occupied in announcing your visit to some of my friends that I had brought here on the occasion of the promise you had kindly given me in Rome of coming to visit me in Paris, on June 25 at 10:30 in the morning. I have the honor of presenting them to you—they are the Marquis de Châteaubrun whose noble ancestors include a dozen peers of the realm and whose ancestors had their place at King Arthur’s roundtable. Mr. Lucien Debray, private secretary to the ministry. Mr. Beauchamp, a terrible journalist—terror of the government and delight of his friends.
MONTE CRISTO
Gentlemen, permit me, I beg you, an admission which will be my excuse for all the inconveniences I may ever cause. I am a stranger, but a stranger to such a degree that this is the first time I have ever been to Paris. French life is completely unknown to me, and until the present moment, I’ve practiced an oriental life, the most antipathetic to all Parisian traditions—I beg you to excuse me if you find me too Turkish, too Neapolitan, too Arabic.
ALBERT
And, I, Count, I am fearful that the cuisine of the Rue Helder won’t be to your liking. I should have asked you your taste and prepared a plate to your fancy.
MONTE CRISTO
If you knew me better, sir, you wouldn’t bother yourself with such an almost humiliating case for a traveler like me, who has successively lived on macaroni in Naples, polenta in Milan, olla-podrida in Valencia, Pilaf in Constantinople, Karic in Calcutta and birds nests in Canton. There is no cuisine for a Cosmopolitan like me. I eat everything everywhere. Only I eat little and today you will excuse me if I don’t eat at all.
ALBERT
What? If you don’t eat at all?
MONTE CRISTO
I was obliged to go out of my way to get some information in the environs of Nimes with the result that I was a little delayed and I didn’t want to stop to eat.
ALBERT
So you ate in your carriage then?
MONTE CRISTO
No, I slept—which is what happens to me when I am bored and lack the courage to distract myself and when I’m hungry without the desire to eat.
BEAUCHAMP
You order yourself to sleep then?
MONTE CRISTO
Exactly.
DEBRAY
The Count has a recipe for this!
MONTE CRISTO
Infallible, sir.
ALBERT
And can one learn what this recipe is?
MONTE CRISTO
Oh, my God, yes, Vicomte—it’s a mixture of excellent opium that I went to look for in China to be certain it was pure and some of the finest hashish which is grown in the Orient. One mixes these two ingredients in equal portions and makes a sort of pill that’s swallowed in a moment when needed—ten minutes later, the effect is produced.
BEAUCHAMP
And you carry this on you?
MONTE CRISTO
Always!
BEAUCHAMP
Would it be indiscreet, sir, to ask to see these precious pills?
MONTE CRISTO
No, sir.
(He takes a little box made of a single emerald from his pocket.)
DEBRAY
And this is your cook who fixes you up so regally?
MONTE CRISTO
Oh, no sir, I don’t entrust my purest pleasures to unworthy hands. I am a good enough chemist to prepare my pills myself.
CHÂTEAUBRUN
That’s an admirable emerald, the most beautiful I have ever seen, although my mother has family jewels remarkable enough.
MONTE CRISTO
I had three such, sir. I gave one to the Great Turk, who had it mounted on his saber—the other to the Holy Father which he had encrusted on his tiara, next to an emerald a little like it, but less beautiful that had been given to his predecessor Pius VII by the Emperor Napoleon, I kept the third for myself—only I had it cut which cut its value in half but which made it more useful for the purpose I wanted it for.
DEBRAY
And what did these two sovereigns give you to deserve such magnificent gifts?
MONTE CRISTO
The Grand Turk freed a woman, our Holy Father spared the life of a man, with the result that twice in my existence, I have been more powerful than if God had let me be born on the steps of a throne.
(Germain enters and speaks low to Albert)
DEBRAY
What’s wrong? Is it the lunch?
ALBERT
Yes, sir. Morcerf, before leaving for the Senate knowing that you were here—wanted to thank you.
MONTE CRISTO
Well, sir, nothing simpler. I would be a bad guest, leave me here. I will have, if Mr. Albert permits, the honor of receiving Mr. Morcerf here.
ALBERT
Marvelous—but don’t go disappear without my knowing.
MONTE CRISTO
Why, sir? I belong to you and promise not to retake my liberty until you have given it to me.
BEAUCHAMP
How he says all this! He is decidedly a great Lord!
DEBRAY
A foreign lord.
CHÂTEAUBRUN
A great lord in all countries.
ALBERT
You will excuse us, Count, but these gentlemen are dying of hunger and my father is coming down.
MONTE CRISTO
Go, sir, go.
(The men go into the dining room.)
MONTE CRISTO
I am going to see him—and her, perhaps, silence, my heart—it’s old hatred! Silence my soul! For it’s old love!
(Morcerf enters.)
ALBERT
Father, I have the honor to present to you the Count of Monte Cristo, this generous friend, whom I had the happiness to meet in the difficult circumstances you know of.
MORCERF
The gentleman is welcome among us—and he has given our house a unique service which solicits our eternal recognition in conserving its only heir.
(He points Monte Cristo to a seat.)
ALBERT
Can I go?
MORCERF
Go