Copyright Information

      Copyright © 2004, 2011 by Frank J. Morlock

      Published by Wildside Press LLC

      www.wildsidebooks.com

      DEDICATION

      For my new friend,

      Ben Meade

      CAST OF CHARACTERS

      LAGARDÈRE

      GONZAGUE

      CHAVERNY

      THE REGENT

      NEVERS

      NAVAILLE

      COCARDASSE

      PASSEPOIL

      D’ARGENSON

      BONNIVET

      TONIO

      PEYROLLES

      CARRIGUE

      STAUPITZ

      NATHANIEL

      BREANT

      LACROIX

      FIRST BOURGEOIS

      SECOND BOURGEOIS

      AN ARCHITECT

      BLANCHE DE CAYLUS

      BLANCHE DE NEVERS

      FLORA

      PEPITA

      A PAGE

      ANGÉLIQUE

      MADELEINE

      MARTON

      PROLOGUE, SCENE 1

      The Adam’s Apple Inn. A room in a hotel on the frontier of France and Spain. To the right, near the audience, a window opening on the moats of the Château. Further back, in cutaway, a gate opening on the street. To the left, near the audience, a door opening on a garden. To the left, at the back, an entry with two doors, between them a tall dresser, Tables, chairs, etc, etc.

      Martine is hurriedly arranging bowls and glasses. Peyrolles is by the door at the left.

      MARTINE: With what sort of characters have you arranged a meeting at my place?

      PEYROLLES: (pointing to six rapiers hanging on the wall.) Swordsmen.

      MARTINE: Rather of sack and rope.

      PEYROLLES: No news yet of the little page of Mr. de Nevers?

      MARTINE: Of that poor lad you made me put to sleep by means of I don’t know what drug mixed in his wine?

      PEYROLLES: He hasn’t returned with a reply to the letter?

      MARTINE: The one you took from him in his sleep?

      PEYROLLES: Oh, just borrowed, merely borrowed, dame Martine. I faithfully put it back in his pocket.

      MARTINE: Yes, after having read it, and copied it even.

      PEYROLLES: Did he notice?

      MARTINE: Aren’t you a sorcerer, Mr. Peyrolles?

      PEYROLLES: I’m not clumsy, that’s all. (going to the door at the right) Where are my braves?

      MARTINE: Your strong breed? They were under the tunnel gambling when they are not drinking, drinking when they are not gambling.

      PEYROLLES: I am expecting two others, the best, Master Cocardesse the younger, and Amable Passepoil, his provost.

      MARTINE: Again!

      VOICE (from the tunnel) Wine! Wine! (Martine goes into the room at the right)

      PEYROLLES: Give these gentlemen all that they ask for.

      MARTINE: Nice work! Happily, you’re the one who’s paying! Were it not for that—

      VOICES: Wine! Wine!

      PEYROLLES: I will return once they’re full. Let them drink but keep them quiet.

      (Peyrolles leaves)

      MARTINE: I will never be able to prevent those demons from continuing their Sabbath. What’s that I hear on the highway? Is it at least a practicing Christian who’s coming to me?

      (looking) Ah! Those are the two bandits that Mr. de Peyrolles is expecting. They are more sinister than the others.

      COCARDASSE: (appearing) Hey! Goddam! Here it’s been two hours that we’ve seen this devil of a château on its mountain; it seems to me it moves as fast as we do. Finally, we’ve got it. (enters and swaggers with an impudent pride) Have no fear, my snail, come in, my good man, we are in port.

      PASSEPOIL: Throw us an anchor.

      COCARDASSE: Sonofabitch! Wine! (taking the bowl on the table and drinking)

      PASSEPOIL: (noticing Martine) Son of a bitch! A woman! (grabbing her by the waist and trying to kiss her)

      MARTINE: (escaping) Help! Help!

      PASSEPOIL: Let’s not shout, Venus. Come on, a little kiss, Queen of Love.

      MARTINE: That fat guy is crazy!

      PASSEPOIL: I am mad, yes, but I am not fat. It seems I have a heart that’s not common. It keeps getting bigger, and, as the body envelops the heart, naturally, the body enlarges. But I am all heart, beauty of beauties, and this heart is yours!

      MARTINE: Let me go or I scream fire!

      COCARDASSE: (who’s been drinking) Caramba! Can’t you even control your passions?

      PASSEPOIL: I’m only asking for a kiss on the hand.

      MARTINE: My hand! Here it is. (smacking him and moving away)

      PASSEPOIL: It’s still a favor. From a woman all is good.

      MARTINE: Then let me go announce you to the others.

      COCARDASSE: They’ve got here. Er, yes, dammit! I see their rapiers. Announce to them, Cocardasse, Jr.

      PASSEPOIL: And Amable Passepoil, who is addressing you, Calypso.

      COCARDASSE: They’ve seen us. They’re rushing to meet us, here they are.

      ALL: Cocardasse!

      PASSEPOIL: (aside) Oh, villainous faces!

      COCARDASSE: Have no fear! All friends. (they exchange hand grips)

      STAUPITZ: (at the table) Wine, as if it were raining, to celebrate the arrival of friends.

      MARTINE: (serving) Here, here. You need a flood to satisfy you.

      PASSEPOIL: A flood of kisses, my beautiful angel!

      MARTINE: I debit only whacks.

      COCARDASSE: By Jove! We are here to speak seriously; be gone, little one, you are inflaming him.

      MARTINE: Get out? I ask nothing better. (she leaves)

      COCARDASSE: Women will be the ruin of this little fellow. Now, my pretties, let’s talk about our business. There are eight of us here. All professors of the art of swordsmanship! Each of us can hold his head against three men properly handling the sword: In that case, are we going to have a dust-up with an army?

      STAUPITZ: No, we are going to have business with a single cavalier.

      COCARDASSE: And what then is the name of this giant who fights against eight