The Hunchback. Paul Feval
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It’s Duke Philippe de Nevers.
CARCADASSE: (grimacing) Him! Him!
PASSEPOIL: (imitating him) Him! Him!
ALL: What’s wrong with you?
STAUPITZ: It seems you want to abandon the party?
PASSEPOIL: We saw the Duke de Nevers in Paris. He’s a chap that will settle your accounts.
ALL: (shouting) Ours!
COCARDASSE: You’ve never heard tell of the thrust of Nevers?
STAUPITZ: Just balderdash these secret thrusts!
ALL: Yes, yes.
COCARDASSE: (proudly) Sonofabitch! I think I’ve got a good foot, and good eye, and good guard, my pretties, and yet I was touched three times in a row right in front of my whole academy.
PASSEPOIL: In our own academy!
COCARDASSE: There’s one man alone capable of holding his head with Philippe de Nevers, sword in hand.
PASSEPOIL: One alone.
ALL: And this man?
COCARDASSE: It’s a little Parisian, the Chevalier Henri de Lagardère.
(A moment of silence, the bravos look at each other)
STAUPITZ: The one who killed all the Flemish provosts beneath the walls of Senlis?
COCARDASSE: There’s only one Lagardère, Here’s Mr. de Peyrolles, the agent of the Prince of Gonzague! Gentlemen, the thrust of Nevers is worth gold, let my noble friend and myself act, and whatever we say to this Peyrolles, support us. And those who tonight, have not had their thighs pierced by the sword of Philippe de Nevers will have enough money to empty a cask to the memory of the deceased.
(Peyrolles enters. All rise and bow to him)
PEYROLLES: (after having counted with his eyes) Here you all are, my masters, that’s fine. Shut that door. I am going to tell you briefly what you will have to do.
COCARDASSE: (to the table) We are listening, my good Mr. de Peyrolles. (leaning on his elbows) Well then?
PEYROLLES: (at the window) This evening, around nine o’clock, a man will come on this highway you see here. Look, there in the ditches beneath the drawbridge, all is rising; do you notice a low window closed by oak shutters?
COCARDASSE: Perfectly, my good Mr. Peyrolles.
PASSEPOIL: Perfectly, my good Mr. Peyrolles.
ALL: Perfectly.
PEYROLLES: The man will approach this window.
COCARDASSE: And, at that moment we will accost him.
PEYROLLES: (laughing) Politely.
ALL: Politely.
PEYROLLES: And you will earn all your money.
COCARDASSE: This good Mr. Peyrolles; there’s still a word to be said.
PEYROLLES: It’s agreed.
ALL: Agreed.
(Peyrolles makes a move to leave.)
COCARDASSE: How can you speak like this without revealing to us the name of the man we are to accost—politely?
PEYROLLES: What’s it to you?
COCARDASSE: (coming forward ) Dear me! You didn’t tell me that this nocturnal visitor is none other than the Prince Philippe de Lorraine, Duke of Nevers, who is the best blade in France and Navarre.
PEYROLLES: There will be eight of you against him.
COCARDASSE: To begin with, but who knows if even one will remain at the end?
PEYROLLES: Come on!
COCARDASSE Hum! From the moment it’s a question of Mr. de Nevers—
PEYROLLES: You hesitate?
COCARDASSE: No, I refuse. I don’t know if my little provost Passepoil will be more enterprising than I am.
PASSEPOIL: I’m leaving.
PEYROLLES: You want to laugh my funny fellows! If the job is more difficult, we will pay more dearly, that’s all.
COCARDASSE: With men of wit one always comes to an agreement.
PASSEPOIL: One always comes to an agreement.
COCARDASSE: What sum was agreed on?
STAUPITZ: Two hundred miserly pistoles!
CAOCARDASSE: I want, hum, two thousand, two thousand. Is that enough, my pebble?
PASSEPOIL: No.
COCARDASSE: The little fellow says no.
PEYROLLES: Cut short the verbiage. What do you want?
COCARDASSE: Three thousand pistoles.
PEYROLLES: Agreed.
COCARDASSE: Is that enough, my pebble?
PASSEPOIL: Yes.
COCARDASSE: The little fellow says yes.
PEYROLLLES: That’s lucky.
COCARDASSE: Deal done.
PEYROLLES: Shake.
(Cocardasse looks at his hand without taking it; then he raps his hand on his sword, gesture by Peyrolles)
COCARDASSE: There’s the scrivener who answers to me for you, my good man.
(he bows affectedly, all imitate him)
PEYROLLES: (ready to leave) If you fail, you get nothing
COCARDASSE: That goes without saying.
(Peyrolles leaves, everyone bursts out laughing)
COCARDASSE: Wine! Something to drink!
(Staupitz, Pinto, and Faenza have accompanied Peyrolles to the door, making an ironic bow)
SHOUTS (outside) Help! Help!
COCARDASSE: What’s that?
STAUPITZ: Those are partisans coming to forage in the moats of the Castle.
COCARDASSE: Those clowns are bold. How many are they?
STAUPITZ: (at the door, counting) Three, Four, Six, Eight.
COCARDASSE: Exactly as many as us. We could laugh a bit.
PASSEPOIL: Exactly. I’m beginning to get bored. There they are.
CARRIGUE: This way, gentlemen.
COCARDASSE: My masters, I think it’s time to unhook your rapiers. (they gird on their swords) Now we will be in ranks. (they go back to the table, all elbows are touching)
CARRIGUE (outside) There’s one thing.
CORCADASSE: We say the best way to keep on guard is a left handed provost.
CARRIGUE: (in the doorway) Holá! The inn is full. It must be emptied. (they enter) There, beat it, and fast; there’s only room here for volunteers of the king. (all the bravos want to leave; Cocardasse stops them)
COCARDASSE: Stay put. Let’s be sociable and make these gentleman volunteers of the king dance in tune. (they rise