Peter and Alexis. Frank J. Morlock
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all present, except Alexis, applaud.)
Peter
This is the source of the miraculous tears.
Tolstoi
I confess it troubles my conscience, in that being Christians, we worship idols.
Alexis
What idols?
Tolstoi
Why, this one—the Venus. They say there is no sin because these Gods never existed. But this is where folk fatally err. Because the ancient Gods do exist.
Peter
You believe in their existence?
Tolstoi
Most certainly. The Gods are evil spirits who, being cast out of their temples in the name of Christ, sought refuge in dark and desert places.
Peter
What the devil are you talking about? Excess of reading has muddled your brain.
Tolstoi
I have myself experienced the power of evil spirits. It was Satan himself who enticed me to translate Ovid and Machiavelli. Ever since, I have been an insatiable lecher and politician. And the Goddess, Venus, haunts my dreams.
(Everyone, including Peter, laughs.)
Peter
In what guise?
Tolstoi
In the guise of Akoulina, the dancing girl.
Alexis
No doubt it was she herself you slippery old lecher.
(More laughter and applause.)
Peter
Zoon! (Peter is using Dutch)
(Alexis comes forward and bows to his father.)
Alexis
Father.
Peter
Thank you, Aliosha. Thank you for the timber. It came in the nick of time. My own supply was lost in a storm, so, but for your thoughtfulness, our latest man of war would not have been finished.
Alexis (desperately ill at ease)
Always glad to be of help.
Peter (embracing him)
God be with you.
Alexis (abashed)
Thank you, Daddy.
Peter
You must stay for the conclave.
Alexis
Ah—
(A clown dressed as the Pope enters, surrounded by Cardinals.)
Kniaz Pope
Grace and peace be unto you, noble assembly. In the name of Bacchus, may the spirit of drunkenness be with you.
(All the guests bow to his holiness and kiss his ring or his slipper as suits them. The more solemn and outlandish a mockery, the more there is applause.)
Tolstoi
I propose a toast to the Tsar and Tsaritsa.
(All drink.)
(Catherine, Peter, and Alexis drink. A cannon is fired. The Kniaz Pope anoints the guests from a brandy bottle.)
Kniaz Pope
May the drunkenness of Bacchus which passeth all understanding, in complete lack of steadiness and uprightness and sanity, be with you all the days of thy lives.
(Cannon fire.)
(The Tsaritsa, pulling up her skirt, begins to dance.)
Peter
Count Tolstoi, it has come to our attention that you have an unnatural aversion to oysters. Is it so?
Tolstoi (backing away)
I can’t abide the filthy things.
Peter
Therefore, you must consume two buckets of them.
(Tolstoi bolts to escape but the Cardinals grab him and bring him back. A servant with two pails of oysters appears. Peter shucks one and dangles it before Tolstoi’s face.)
Peter (laughing)
Open wide.
Tolstoi (through his teeth)
Never!
Peter
Will you refuse your Tsar?
Tolstoi
About this, yes!
Peter (grasping Tolstoi’s jaw and prying it open by brute force)
For Tsar and Country, Count.
(More cannon fire. Alexis, who has been drinking, now slumps down in a stupor. Several persons are beginning to fight. Catherine whirls by in a wild dance. Peter forces the oyster down Tolstoi’s throat.)
Peter (shucking another oyster)
One down. Only a hundred and forty-nine more.
(Tolstoi looks bilious and tries to vomit. More cannon fire.)
ACT I
SCENE 3
The other side of the Neva river, across from the Peterhof gardens, the same night.
A clearing with barges. Cannon fire and cheers can be heard from the other side of the river.
Ivan (singing)
A coffin of pinewood tree
Stands ready prepared for me.
Within its narrow wall,
I wait the trumpet call.
Cornelius (an old man)
Come to supper, Ivan.
(Larion Dokoukin enters.)
Dokoukin
May I join you, brothers?
Cornelius
If you come with God.
Dokoukin
I do.
Ivan
You are welcome.
Cornelius (suspiciously)
You come from Petersburg?
Dokoukin
From that cursed place.
Cornelius
The times are sad for fear that Antichrist is invading the world.
(Cannonading.)
Ivan
What hellish thing are they doing in the Palace?
Dokoukin
They have found a statue of a female devil and are worshipping it.
(They all cross themselves.)
All
Abominations!
Cornelius
The world’s sands are running short.
Dokoukin
The Lord be merciful unto us.
All
Amen.
Ivan
I heard today, in the market, that there is no Tsar in Russia. This Peter publicly dances with foreign courtesans and drinks wine and spirits like a drunkard. He calls his drinking companions by holy names like Bishop and Cardinal to defile sacred names.
Dokoukin