Birth Order & You. Dr. Ronald W. Richardson & Lois A. Richardson
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characteristics that they pick up from the society around them. So, for example, if you are an oldest female, you should look at the chapter on oldests in general and then the chapter on oldest sisters.
3. Number of years between siblings
The smaller the age difference between siblings, the more influence they usually have on each other. A middle child who is closer in age to the oldest child usually develops more youngest child characteristics than oldest child characteristics in relation to the youngest child. However, if that middle child became the primary caretaker of the younger sibling, and spent a great deal of time with him or her, then the middle child would have more characteristics of an oldest.
If there are more than five or six years between siblings, each will have many of the characteristics of an only child in addition to the characteristics of his or her own birth order. For example, Alfred Hitchcock was the youngest in his family but he followed his sister by seven years, so he developed many attributes of an only child. He was alone often and “more given to observation than participation,” says biographer John Russell Taylor. “He invented for himself games with ship routes...planning imaginary journeys, always by himself, for he recalls no playmate to share his childish enthusiasms.” Similarly, the oldest sister of a brother seven years younger is most like an only child (which she was for seven years), but also has some of the traits of an oldest sister of brothers.
When there are large age gaps between groups of siblings, sub-groups will form, with those in each sub-group developing the characteristics of the position they occupy within that group. For example, in a family where there are three female children, then a gap of six years followed by two males two years apart, the oldest male will usually be more like an oldest brother of brothers than like a younger brother of sisters. The greater the age gap is, the more this is true. However, the characteristics of an oldest of a sub-group are seldom as pronounced as those of the true oldest child in that family.
4. Sex of the siblings
The way you relate to your siblings depends not only on your sex, but theirs too. For instance, there is usually more jealousy between two brothers than between a brother and a sister. The chapters on oldest sisters and oldest brothers and youngest sisters and youngest brothers are subdivided further according to the sex of the siblings. So, if you are an oldest brother of brothers, you should read that section as well as the general chapter on oldests. If you have both younger brothers and sisters, you will have some characteristics of an oldest brother of brothers and some of an oldest brother of sisters, so you should read both those sections as well as the section on oldest brothers of brothers and sisters.
Usually the sibling closest in age to you will have the most impact on you, so if you are an oldest sister followed by a brother, then a sister, you will probably be closer in personality to the oldest sister of brothers than to the oldest sister of sisters, though you will have some characteristics of that position as well. However, if your brother, at age six, was sent to boarding school, then you probably developed more characteristics of an oldest sister of sisters.
It also makes a difference when all the siblings are the same sex. For instance, one study of 25 highly successful business women found that all of them were either oldests or onlies, and that none of the oldests had brothers. This indicates that when there are no boys, the parents’ ambitions are focused on the oldest female. However, in families where a boy is born later, it is not at all unusual for this oldest female to be supplanted.
5. Birth order of the same-sex parent
Because most children emulate to some degree their same-sex parent, that parent’s birth order is also a factor. Even if you consciously try as an adult not to be like your same-sex parent (the “I’ll never treat my kids like that” syndrome), some of those characteristics will be embedded in your personality. It’s easier to ferret them out when you know what your same-sex parent’s birth order is and what traits are commonly associated with that birth order.
In talking with his new wife about child-raising philosophies, only child Jorgi said he never wanted to be the kind of father his father (a youngest) was. He provided little guidance or nurture for Jorgi. However, after they had children, Jorgi found he had little tolerance for the children’s constant demands. Though he felt loving toward them, he did not know how to behave with them and found himself avoiding them much as his father avoided him.
Those who have siblings of both sexes are more likely than others to be influenced by the sibling position of the same-sex parent, particularly if that parent’s position is the same as one of the positions of the child. For example, if you are a youngest brother of brothers and sisters and your father is a youngest brother of sisters, you will probably have more of the traits of a youngest brother of sisters than of brothers.
If you and your same-sex parent are the same birth order, you are likely to have more of the characteristics of that birth order as described here than if your parent is a different birth order.
Stewart was the middle of three boys as was his father. His personality was much like his father’s, and he had the same kind of uneasy relationship with his older brother that his father had with his older brother. Stewart’s mother often said to him, “You’re more like your father than he is.” Because Stewart saw the problems that his father and uncle had in the business they ran together, Stewart refused to go into business with his older brother, but they still had the same battles as the older generation brothers had. In later years, Stewart and his father became drinking buddies and commiserated with each other about the unfairness of life.
Only children, with no siblings to react to, tend to develop more of the characteristics of their same-sex parent than do other children. The only girl child whose mother is an oldest is likely to be more serious and more academic than an only girl whose mother is a youngest and is more playful and flighty.
b. Being Aware of Birth Order
Until recently, there has been little general discussion of the effects of birth order on personality. However, we have probably always been intuitively aware of them. One of the best places to see evidence of this is in the many biographies and autobiographies that unintentionally provide almost clinically accurate descriptions of people according to their birth order.
One of the most striking examples of this can be seen in the writing of historian Ariel Durant. Her descriptions of her siblings in her autobiography, Will and Ariel Durant: A Dual Autobiography reveal their birth order characteristics very clearly. She wrote that her oldest brother, 13-year-old Maurice, was a “good” and “hard-working” boy who had his own newsstand. He “bore the labor of the day without a word of complaint....”
The next oldest, a sister, “became head of the family and served as little mother, watching over us with a fear-full [sic] love,” while the parents and Maurice were at work.
Sarah, who was two years older than Ariel, “seemed eons apart.” Ariel commented that she never realized until Sarah nursed her how loyal and affectionate Sarah could be.
Ariel described herself as “open, brash, loud, simple, and talkative.” Following Ariel was the “frisky” Mary, “blessed with a pretty face.” Michael, the youngest, was “cheerful through whatever trials,” and as an adult the “joy” of Ariel’s old age.
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