Nightmare rental weekend

      It’s the first long weekend of the summer and you arrive at your vacation home to see your first guests in, excited at the prospect and eager to meet them and show off your special place. You had received many responses to your ad in The Star, but had decided to rent to the first person who phoned because she sounded so nice — a real family person. She said they’d arrive by 4 p.m. on Friday, so you’ve taken an afternoon off work to get there in plenty of time to check that everything’s in place for their arrival. Six o’clock passes, seven, then eight, and still they don’t show up. There are no messages on your voice mail, and no answer at their home phone. Now you are worried. Have they had an accident? Are they lost? Should you stay, although you need to get back home to the family? At least you got a deposit from them. But you had said it would be OK for them to pay the balance on arrival — perhaps not such a good idea now. And … darn … you told them you’d wait, so didn’t let them know where the key would be. So you’ll just have to sit it out.

      Just a few more … and the dog!

      Just as you are beginning to despair, the phone rings. The guests stopped off to see friends on the way and are now totally lost, as they forgot to bring the directions you gave them over the phone last week. They are over an hour away and are not going to arrive much before 11 p.m. Irritated and annoyed, you settle back to wait. A van finally pulls into the driveway at 11:30 p.m., spilling out three more people than you were expecting. On the phone, your contact had said it would be her and her husband and their three children, but on your doorstep, and piling into the house, are five children and a third adult. Airily they tell you that the renter’s sister decided to join them at the last minute. They didn’t think you would mind, and the kids are all happy to bunk in together. You do mind, particularly when you see a small dog being unloaded from the van along with the luggage. They hadn’t mentioned a dog. But neither had you!

      It’s late, though, you’ve got a long drive home, and you need to explain some of the quirkier bits of cottage living they may not have encountered before. Eager to get the children settled, the moms go off, and you go through the list you’ve prepared with dad. He assures you he’ll go through it in the morning and call you if he has any questions. Feeling a little uneasy about the whole business, you set off back to the city wondering if renting really was such a good idea after all.

      Emergency calls

      You are woken by the phone at 6 a.m. — you’ve only been home since three! The cottage toilet is blocked and overflowing and they can’t find a plunger. What next? You need to call out a local plumber but it’s a holiday weekend, so you spend the rest of the morning on the phone looking for someone willing to take an emergency call-out without charging the earth. Having tracked down a plumber, you call the cottage to let the guests know he’s on his way, only to be told that most of the family has gone to the local emergency room as one of the children slipped on the broken deck step and may have broken an ankle. You had meant to mention the step last night — it will be fixed on Monday — but in the confusion over their late arrival you forgot to warn them. Your guests are very unhappy and suggest they might pursue an insurance claim against you for not making it clear the step was dangerous. Now, your anxiety levels are really rising!

      Plumbing sucks!

      At midday, the plumber calls; there had clearly been much more than human waste going down the toilet, despite you having explained what the consequences would be. Just for good measure, the plumber adds that the septic tank needs emptying — it looks dangerously full and there is the beginning of that telltale odor around the septic bed. You’ve only had the property a couple of months, and the previous owners had told you they emptied it every five years and it was done about three years ago. Not being used to the finer points of septic and plumbing systems, you hadn’t given it much thought, but now you need to. When you tell the plumber to go ahead and make arrangements to empty the septic tank, he advises that in the interim the toilet should be flushed only when really required or the problem will get worse. Now you’ll need to speak to your guests again.

      How not to get to know the neighbors

      Just as you are about to call your guests, the phone rings again. It’s your neighbors on the lake. You’ve met them once or twice — a pleasant couple who run a small resort of five cottages. They have a lovely beach area for their clients with a range of watercraft — canoes, pedal boats, kayaks, and rowboats, and are very proud of the new water slide they have put in alongside their swimming raft. Unfortunately, they explain that your guests’ children have taken over the waterslide and raft, preventing their own guests from using it. When they spoke to the parents, apparently they were met with complete indifference: “They are kids and just having fun; we can’t keep at them all day long.” Your neighbors, although quite calm, are clearly upset and ask you to talk with your renters and firmly tell them that the waterslide and raft are the property of the resort and should not be used by their children. Just as you are about to end the call, your neighbor adds that one of the adults in your party has just taken out one of the resort canoes; please can you act quickly!

      Willing yourself to keep your cool, you phone the cottage. The line is busy, as it is when you call again — and again. An hour later, you’ve still failed to get through, so you phone the neighbors again to explain. This time their annoyance is really apparent — the children are still occupying the swimming raft