Soulmate Hunting After 40: The Mature Person's Guide to Finding and Keeping Love and Happiness. Marcia Gage
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desperate. You may recall from your twenties, needy and desperate may land you a roll in the hay. Let’s hope, however, that if you are over 40, you are looking for more complexity and longevity in your relationships (not dismissing physical intimacy, of course).
Conquering loneliness
The first step in overcoming or battling loneliness is to recognize and accept it. We all know people who outwardly appear to be deliriously happy but are inwardly miserable. It seems to be a dying ritual, but I still receive the occasional “Christmas letter” outlining the perfect life. Often, six months later, I hear what was portrayed as the perfect marriage and family has ended in divorce, suicide or worse.
It is okay and, quite frankly, healthy to realize you are human and therefore not perfect, and neither is your life. Again, loneliness is basically a void between what you are expecting or needing and what you are getting from your relationships.
Secondly, embrace your loneliness and ask yourself if it is a situation that can be changed, or if perhaps your attitude can be altered. I previously gave the example of my work environment. I chose, at least for the time being, to adapt my attitude rather than my physical situation. I could have sought out a job working with older people, but that would not have been a very practical endeavor.
One last note on workplace loneliness, it is not something to ignore. We spend a good deal of our time at work and it is important to have positive relationships. If you do not have anyone at work you feel comfortable talking to, consider a transfer or new position. Whether or not this is feasible, you may also want to explore social opportunities your employer has to offer, such as book clubs, ethnic- and lifestyle-specific clubs, and diet and exercise clubs. This is a great way to connect with people who have common concerns and interests.
The final step in conquering your loneliness, once you have defined your relationship void, is to develop a plan of action. Assuming the empty spot in your heart could be filled by that special someone, the next chapters discuss how to go about achieving and maintaining that relationship, while learning to appreciate yourself and enjoy the special person you are.
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