Tales of the Jazz Age. Фрэнсис Скотт Фицджеральд
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scrutinized him more closely with appraising blue eyes.
“You certainly look all shot.”
“I am. I’ve made a hell of a mess of everything.” He paused. “I’d better start at the beginning—or will it bore you?”
“Not at all; go on.” There was, however, a hesitant note in Dean’s voice. This trip East had been planned for a holiday—to find Gordon Sterrett in trouble exasperated him a little.
“Go on,” he repeated, and then added half under his breath, “Get it over with.”
“Well,” began Gordon unsteadily, “I got back from France in February, went home to Harrisburg for a month, and then came down to New York to get a job. I got one—with an export company. They fired me yesterday.”
“Fired you?”
“I’m coming to that, Phil. I want to tell you frankly. You’re about the only man I can turn to in a matter like this. You won’t mind if I just tell you frankly, will you, Phil?”
Dean stiffened a bit more. The pats he was bestowing on his knees grew perfunctory. He felt vaguely that he was being unfairly saddled with responsibility; he was not even sure he wanted to be told. Though never surprised at finding Gordon Sterrett in mild difficulty, there was something in this present misery that repelled him and hardened him, even though it excited his curiosity.
“Go on.”
“It’s a girl.”
“Hm.” Dean resolved that nothing was going to spoil his trip. If Gordon was going to be depressing, then he’d have to see less of Gordon.
“Her name is Jewel Hudson,” went on the distressed voice from the bed. “She used to be ‘pure,’ I guess, up to about a year ago. Lived here in New York—poor family. Her people are dead now and she lives with an old aunt. You see it was just about the time I met her that everybody began to come back from France in droves—and all I did was to welcome the newly arrived and go on parties with ’em. That’s the way it started, Phil, just from being glad to see everybody and having them glad to see me.”
“You ought to’ve had more sense.”
“I know,” Gordon paused, and then continued listlessly. “I’m on my own now, you know, and Phil, I can’t stand being poor. Then came this darn girl. She sort of fell in love with me for a while and, though I never intended to get so involved, I’d always seem to run into her somewhere. You can imagine the sort of work I was doing for those exporting people—of course, I always intended to draw; do illustrating for magazines; there’s a pile of money in it.”
“Why didn’t you? You’ve got to buckle down if you want to make good,” suggested Dean with cold formalism.
“I tried, a little, but my stuff’s crude. I’ve got talent, Phil; I can draw—but I just don’t know how. I ought to go to art school and I can’t afford it. Well, things came to a crisis about a week ago. Just as I was down to about my last dollar this girl began bothering me. She wants some money; claims she can make trouble for me if she doesn’t get it.”
“Can she?”
“I’m afraid she can. That’s one reason I lost my job—she kept calling up the office all the time, and that was sort of the last straw down there. She’s got a letter all written to send to my family. Oh, she’s got me, all right. I’ve got to have some money for her.”
There was an awkward pause. Gordon lay very still, his hands clenched by his side.
“I’m all in,” he continued, his voice trembling. “I’m half crazy, Phil. If I hadn’t known you were coming East, I think I’d have killed myself. I want you to lend me three hundred dollars.”
Dean’s hands, which had been patting his bare ankles, were suddenly quiet—and the curious uncertainty playing between the two became taut and strained.
After a second Gordon continued:
“I’ve bled the family until I’m ashamed to ask for another nickel.”
Still Dean made no answer.
“Jewel says she’s got to have two hundred dollars.”
“Tell her where she can go.”
“Yes, that sounds easy, but she’s got a couple of drunken letters I wrote her. Unfortunately she’s not at all the flabby sort of person you’d expect.”
Dean made an expression of distaste.
“I can’t stand that sort of woman. You ought to have kept away.”
“I know,” admitted Gordon wearily.
“You’ve got to look at things as they are. If you haven’t got money you’ve got to work and stay away from women.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” began Gordon, his eyes narrowing. “You’ve got all the money in the world.”
“I most certainly have not. My family keep darn close tab on what I spend. Just because I have a little leeway I have to be extra careful not to abuse it.”
He raised the blind and let in a further flood of sunshine.
“I’m no prig, Lord knows,” he went on deliberately. “I like pleasure—and I like a lot of it on a vacation like this, but you’re—you’re in awful shape. I never heard you talk just this way before. You seem to be sort of bankrupt—morally as well as financially.”
“Don’t they usually go together?”
Dean shook his head impatiently.
“There’s a regular aura about you that I don’t understand. It’s a sort of evil.”
“It’s an air of worry and poverty and sleepless nights,” said Gordon, rather defiantly.
“I don’t know.”
“Oh, I admit I’m depressing. I depress myself. But, my God, Phil, a week’s rest and a new suit and some ready money and I’d be like—like I was. Phil, I can draw like a streak, and you know it. But half the time I haven’t had the money to buy decent drawing materials—and I can’t draw when I’m tired and discouraged and all in. With a little ready money I can take a few weeks off and get started.”
“How do I know you wouldn’t use it on some other woman?”
“Why rub it in?” said Gordon, quietly.
“I’m not rubbing it in. I hate to see you this way.”
“Will you lend me the money, Phil?”
“I can’t decide right off. That’s a lot of money and it’ll be darn inconvenient for me.”
“It’ll be hell for me if you can’t—I know I’m whining, and it’s all my own fault but—that doesn’t change it.”
“When could you pay it back?”
This was encouraging. Gordon considered. It was probably wisest to be frank.
“Of course, I could promise to send it back next month, but—I’d better say three months. Just as soon as I start to sell drawings.”
“How do I know you’ll sell any drawings?”
A new hardness in Dean’s voice sent a faint chill of doubt over Gordon. Was it possible that he wouldn’t get the money?
“I supposed you had a little confidence in me.”
“I did have—but when I see you like this I begin to wonder.”
“Do you suppose if I wasn’t at the end of my rope I’d come to you like this? Do you think I’m enjoying it?” He broke off and bit his lip, feeling that he had better subdue the rising anger in his voice. After all, he was the suppliant.