American Monsters. Derek Landy
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faltered. “How did you know?”
“Because that’s why we’re here. You’re talking to Astaroth’s new representative.”
“Bullshit.”
“Afraid not.”
Mauk turned to Milo. “Bullshit.”
When Milo didn’t bother to respond, Mauk looked back at Amber. “How?”
“I proved myself,” said Amber. “Now I speak with Astaroth’s voice. You get that? I’m like a red, sexy pope with horns, so you’d better not tick me off, bearing in mind that I already don’t like you.”
“You think I’m gonna cower?” said Mauk. “You think I’m gonna bow and scrape to you, you little tramp? You screwed up my plans and it’s because of you, it is because of you, that I am back here in this Podunk little nowhere town!”
Amber took a step forward. “I’m sorry,” she said, “did you just call me a tramp?”
Mauk faltered. “What?”
“Did you just call me a tramp?” she repeated. “After I just told you not to call me any more names, you actually stood there and called me that?”
“It’s just a word—”
“No,” said Amber. “It is a word targeted at women. It’s meant to demean and belittle. Are you trying to belittle me, Elias?”
“I don’t know what you’re—”
“Because it looks like you’re trying to belittle me, Astaroth’s representative here on this mortal plane,” she interrupted. “It looks like you’re trying to insult me, even though to insult me is to insult the Shining Demon.”
“No, it isn’t,” Mauk said quickly.
“Yes, it is,” said Amber. “Even though his fury is my fury and his wrath is my wrath, you still insulted me.”
“I’m … I’m not gonna bow or—”
“Yeah, you said that already.”
“What, uh, what do you—?”
“What do I want?” she interrupted. “Is that what you were going to say? What do I want? What do you mean, what do I want? I’m Astaroth’s representative. What do you think I want?”
He swallowed. “The, uh, the offering?”
“Yes, Elias. Exactly. I’m here to collect the offering.”
“Well, I have it,” said Mauk. “I have it ready for you.”
“You think,” said Amber.
Mauk looked puzzled. “What?”
“You think you have the offering,” Amber said. “You think you’ve done enough to satisfy the Shining Demon for another year. It’s my decision as to whether or not that’s true.”
“Oh,” said Mauk.
“You’d better hope it’s a good offering, Elias. I am not in a forgiving mood right now.”
He nodded, and took a leather pouch from his boiler suit. Amber snatched it from his hand, opened it and peered in. She didn’t wrinkle her nose in disgust, even though she wanted to. She pulled the strings, closing the pouch.
“It’ll do,” she said.
“What’s going on up there?” Milo asked, nodding towards the cabin.
“Just, uh, just a little bit of fun I’m having,” Mauk said.
Amber showed him her fangs. “What kind of fun?”
Mauk cleared his throat. “Uh, just a bunch of college kids. They think they’re surrounded by zombies who want to eat their flesh. Those dead bodies up there don’t want to eat anything. They’re just doing what I tell ’em.”
“And what’s the point of this display?”
“The point? I don’t know what you …” Mauk suddenly chuckled. “One of the boyfriends, he got bit, and you know what the others did? They smashed his skull in. Even his girlfriend.” Mauk laughed. “Goddamn morons.”
Amber watched the corpses as they pounded on the boarded-up windows. “You’re going to kill everyone in that cabin?”
“It’s what I do,” said Mauk. “Although this is the first time I’ve done it like this. I thought it’d be a nice change from bashing their brains in with a hammer, and it is, but I don’t think I’ll be doing it again. Takes a lot of effort to keep the dead bodies going, especially when I’m having a conversation.”
“So sorry for distracting you,” said Amber. “Any particular reason you’re going after the people in that cabin?”
“Do I need reasons?” he asked. “Hell, no, I don’t, and you can’t say that I do. Astaroth made it very clear when we agreed to this deal that I can kill whoever the hell I want to. You ask him, you go ahead and ask him.”
“I don’t have to,” said Amber. “I know the terms of your contract better than you. I’m just curious as to who would deserve this kind of death.”
“Deserve’s got nothing to do with it,” said Mauk. “They were there. That’s all the reason I need.” He frowned. “What, you got a bleeding heart for these morons? How can you be Astaroth’s representative if you’ve got a bleeding heart for the innocent?”
“Better a bleeding heart than a bleeding nose,” Amber said, and banged the hammer into his face.
Mauk stumbled back, blood pumping, and she dropped the hammer and took the trail back to the Charger. Once she was there, she cleared a space in the grass around her.
“What do you reckon?” she asked Milo as he walked up.
“About what?”
“The kids in the cabin.”
He frowned. “Your parents are close, and we’ve already spent enough time on this little detour.”
“But we can’t just leave, can we? Come on. Kelly was right – being Astaroth’s representative is, like …”
“Morally reprehensible,” said Milo.
“Jesus,” she said. “You don’t have to be a dick about it.”
“That’s what she said.”
“She didn’t use those exact words, though. But anyway, yeah … It is kind of, y’know, reprehensible, in a way. Even if I was forced into it – which I most definitely was – and even if I am searching for a way to stab him in the back and get out of it – which I most definitely am. But just because I’m working for the bad guy does not mean I can’t do good things when I see the opportunity. In fact, I kinda have to, to make up for it.”
Milo narrowed his eyes. “You’re talking about being a hero.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are,” said Milo. “Doing good deeds. That’s what heroes do. That’s what Kelly and Ronnie and Linda and Warrick do.”
“And the dog.”
“We’re not heroes, Amber. We don’t have that luxury.”
“But … but, if we don’t at least try to be, then I’m going to be a villain,” she said. “I don’t want to be a villain, Milo.”
He glared at her. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay.”
“Be right back,” she said, drawing a talon across her palm. She let the blood drip, forming a circle around her. The circle flashed into flame and Milo was gone and the Charger was gone and she was back in the Shining Demon’s castle.