Communication. Carolyn Boyes
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internationally.
“The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain”
Daniel Goleman, American author
There are even differences between people from the town and from the country in terms of how much space they need around them. This means becoming aware of not only people coming into your space but also how you might be unconsciously becoming a ‘space invader’ as well.
To avoid becoming a ‘space invader’, follow these simple rules:
1 Pay attention to the body language of the other people you 1 meet in any business situation, particularly when abroad. Judge the distance people commonly stand apart.
2 If someone starts moving back from you while in conversation, don’t pursue them, but allow them to keep some distance between the two of you.
3 If they become comfortable in your company, they will close the gap a little or you will at least see their body language relax. You will probably feel the difference too, as the atmosphere warms and you feel more in rapport.
Be conscious of the invisible zones of personal space and avoid being a ‘space invader’.
Why are handshakes so important in business? Handshakes are one of the few times we let a stranger come into close contact with us and come into our invisble personal zone. Touching someone is such a personal interaction that, when someone touches us, we form an immediate impression of them.
A handshake is such a simple thing on the surface. After all, what are you doing? Just extending your right hand and shaking the other person’s right hand. But there are so many variations, partly due to personal preference but also to cultural acceptability.
A firm handshake gives a totally different impression to a light handshake. Too firm, and you come across as if you are trying to control the other person. But too soft, and it becomes the dreaded ‘wet fish’ handshake – a limp hand that lacks all authority and is very uncomfortable for the other person.
Here are a few pointers to the perfect handshake, which will make you appear businesslike and competent.
one minute wonder Anxiety shows in the hands. It makes them feel cool or clammy, which is very unpleasant for the person shaking those hands. Conversely, warm hands make us assume that the person is warm and trustworthy. So, smile and be relaxed when you shake hands, and the other person will feel it in your handshake.
Watch your grip. Ideally it should be strong and steady rather than held lightly with the fingertips just touching the other person’s hand. The fingertip grip can give the impression of a lack of confidence. In the perfect business handshake, your hands will be level with the other person’s. Your grip will be firm but neither too tight nor too loose. It will feel open and self-confident, whether you are a man or a woman.
Keep it simple. Some people will pat you on the shoulder or touch you on the elbow or wrist while they shake your hand. Others may place their hand on top of, rather than level with, yours. Be careful of any of these gestures and affectations, as they may be perceived as either too intimate or too dominant.
Don’t hurry. Hold the other person’s hand firmly and pump it three times or so. Only one pump, and you will come across as tentative. Give them time and attention when you greet them, and you will make a far better first impression.
Learn any local variants. The handshake is recognized in most cultures. However if you are doing business abroad then it is worth checking to see if any variants or alternatives are more common in business, for example bowing or praying-style gestures in parts of Asia.
Practise having a firm, level handshake where you take the other person’s hand and pump three times.
What happens when you look at someone and they break away and won’t look at you directly? You probably become a little suspicious about them. Direct eye contact, in contrast, can be seen as more open. Make sure you use appropriate eye contact, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you.
The key to eye contact is to be aware of who you are talking to. When you look directly into someone’s eyes, it is regarded positively in Western business practice, for there the eyes are very much regarded as ‘windows to the soul’. Direct eye contact is equated with being honest and trustworthy. Indeed, eye contact is so powerful in the West that
case study A trip to the zoo can be surprisingly instructive for learning about eye contact. An ape that stares directly at another ape, for example, is showing that they are the dominant animal. Humans are no different. If you were to stare directly at someone and hold your gaze, the other person would begin to feel as if you were trying to control them. It would either force them into a battle with you, in which they would try to ‘stare you out’, or they will break eye contact and glance away in a submissive gesture. These subtle forms of eye contact communication at the zoo are mirrored every day in the business world.
the phrase ‘wouldn’t look you in the eye’ is used in English to imply that someone might be shifty. This isn’t the case in all cultures though, and even in the West, prolonged eye contact can be disconcerting.
In a naturally flowing conversation, we tend to look at the other person more when we are listening than when we are talking. However, men and women with particular status, power or expertise within business tend to look more when they are speaking. Women need to be particularly conscious of eye contact. Research shows that, outside a business setting, a woman will generally look at a man when they are not being looked at, but will look away when the man looks directly at them. This is interpreted as submissive in many cultures.
Key points for using eye contact to appear confident:
Adopt a business persona. If lowering your eyes modestly is a natural habit for you, when you come to business you may find that you are giving out signals that you are submissive or in a lower position than you really are. Scrutinize and become aware of your habits, and, if necessary, learn to ‘perform’ differently in the business environment.
Look while you are talking. If you want to have more control in a presentation setting, adopt the habit of looking directly at your audience when you are talking. It signals an air of strength and confidence.
Use direct eye contact, but beware of appearing too dominant.
Every time you talk to someone, your body language either says, ‘Welcome, I am open to meet you and talk to you’, or ‘I am closed. I don’t want to listen to you. Go away.’ Even without speaking, we give out these welcoming or off-putting signals. What you feel shows up clearly in your posture, gestures and facial expressions.
Signs of positive, open lines of communication
Open stance. Uncrossing your legs and arms and directly facing the other person shows that you are eager to talk or listen to them. Combine this with good eye contact for great open communication skills.
Friendly expression. Generally, when your body language is open, you don’t have any defenses up because you have decided that you are with a ‘friend’. Your shoulders will be relaxed and you might be smiling or certainly have a relaxed expression on your face.
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