Crash Into You. Roni Loren
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protocol with a therapist where I went through a retelling. The exposure stuff hasn’t worked. It didn’t even get the nightmares to stop.”
“Experiencing the memory in the counselor’s office isn’t the same as putting yourself in your most feared situation. And it wouldn’t be like getting raped again. They have rules at places like that. You could make the person stop at any time.”
Brynn pinched the bridge of her nose, the pounding in her head getting worse. “Mel, I love you, but you’re talking crazy. Not only does the whole idea make me feel like I’m going to puke, but I’m not going to hand my body over to some stranger who gets off on hitting women. I spend all day working with my clients trying to get them away from men like that.”
She sighed. “Dominance and abuse are two totally different things. You and I both know that.”
Brynn quirked an eyebrow. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”
She shrugged, and then focused on picking invisible lint off her black pants. “I may have gone to one of those kink clubs once during grad school.”
“And you didn’t tell me? What sort of roommate leaves that kind of choice information out? I told you everything that was going on with me.”
“Oh, like that was so scandalous,” she said, looking up and smirking. “You were dating an accounting major for God’s sake. I didn’t want to freak you out. And anyway, I just went for research purposes. I didn’t actually participate in anything.”
Brynn propped her elbows on her desk and placed her chin in her hands. “So what exactly did you do if you didn’t join in?”
Melody rolled her eyes. “Duh. Watched.”
Brynn leaned back in her chair. “Oh, hell, I hadn’t even thought about that part. Even if I had the guts to try to get in the club, I forgot about the fact that others could see me.”
“Hey, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” Mel’s voice took on a saucy tone. “Some people find it exciting to be watched. You never know, you may be an exhibitionist under that good-girl facade.”
A long-dormant memory tickled the back of Brynn’s mind, making her cheeks heat. Her best friend had no idea how, once upon at time, she’d been far from angelic. She cleared her throat. “Sounds like my personal nightmare, not a fantasy.”
Mel gave her a sympathetic smile. “Fair enough. Just know I’m not trying to tell you what to do, hon. You need to figure out what feels right for you.” She stood and gave Brynn’s hand a quick squeeze. “But either way, Kelsey is lucky to have a sister who still cares enough to worry about her. A lot of people would’ve given up on her a long time ago.”
Mel’s words hung in the air long after her friend stepped out, wracking Brynn with guilt. Mel was wrong. Her sister was far from lucky. The only person in the world who cared about her was sitting on her ass in her office too scared of her own demons to try to help. A useless coward.
She pressed the heels of her hands to her forehead, turning Mel’s suggestion over in her mind again. Exposure therapy. Full immersion in her fear. The idea sounded padded-cell crazy, but what if her friend was right? What if the only way she was ever going to get past this was to jump off the proverbial cliff and plunge into her nightmare?
She was so tired. Tired of being scared. Tired of waking up in a cold sweat. Tired of letting what some monster did dictate so much of her life.
Maybe this was the answer. God knows nothing else had worked.
Her phone rang, startling her from her thoughts. She fumbled for the receiver. “Hello?”
“Brynn, it’s Tony Flores.”
Her contact with the police department. Thank God. “Hey, Tony.”
“Sorry I’m just getting back to you, but I had to check on a few things before I talked to you. Do you have a minute?”
She sat up straighter at the cop’s grim tone. She worked with Tony regularly for her clients’ domestic violence cases, and knew he only reserved that tone for bad news. “Of course, what’s going on?”
“I didn’t get your message until last night, but I ran your sister’s name through the system to make sure she hadn’t been arrested or hadn’t gotten in an accident or something. And I didn’t find either of those to be the case, but her name did pop up under something else.”
Her grip on the phone tightened. “What do you mean?”
“Saturday night we got called out to work an assault. Guy by the name of Nick Camden got himself beat up pretty bad.”
Kelsey’s on-again-off-again boyfriend. The knot of anxiety in her stomach grew larger.
“According to the report, the paramedics said your sister showed up a few minutes after the attack, running late to meet Nick. They asked her to wait for us to get there so we could talk to her, but she bailed before our officers arrived. Nick didn’t see his attacker, but he’s convinced it’s Raymond Miller, one of the big dealers in the area. Dangerous guy.” He sighed heavily. “Nick told us your sister owes this guy a lot of money. He thinks she was the intended target.”
“Oh, my God.” She sank back in her chair.
“Have you heard from your sister yet?”
She closed her eyes. “No, she’s not answering her phone, and I’ve called everyone I can think of. No one has a clue where she is.”
Another sigh. “Look, we have our guys trailing this Miller guy. He drove by your sister’s apartment this morning.”
“So he’s still looking for her?” The thought sent goose bumps across her skin.
“Looks that way,” he said, sounding tired. “The good news is he doesn’t seem to know where she’s hiding out. The bad news is we don’t know where to find her either. We want to offer her some protection if she’s willing to cooperate with us. We believe she has vital information that could put this guy behind bars. But we can’t do anything until we get a hold of her, and I don’t have the manpower to hunt her down. Unfortunately, Miller might.”
Brynn pinched the bridge of her nose once more. Kelsey cooperate with the police? Not likely. After their mother’s murder and Hank’s arrest, she’d developed quite an aversion to the boys and girls in blue. No wonder her sister had run off. She was hiding from the bad guys and the good guys.
“Tony, I promise I’ll keep doing what I can to find her and will let you know if I hear anything.”
“Thanks, Brynn. And I’ll call you if I have any news on this end. Just be careful poking around. You don’t want to end up on this guy’s radar, too. Lie low.”
Another thought hit her. “Wait, one more thing. Did Nick happen to say how much Kelsey owed this guy?”
The clicking of a keyboard, then: “Looks like somewhere in the neighborhood of ten or fifteen grand.”
Her head tilted back against her chair, the conclusion she’d spent the last day and a half trying to deny taking shape. Shit. “Thanks.”
She hung up the phone with a trembling hand and sucked in a few long, steadying breaths to quell the adrenaline rushing through her. She knew what she had to do. For her sister, and hell, maybe for herself, too. The only question was if she could actually do it without having a total mental breakdown in the process.
She stared at her desk calendar, the names of the women she counseled staring back at her. Women who she encouraged to take charge of their situations, to tackle their fears, to stand on their own feet and claim their lives.
She was such a goddamned hypocrite.
Her fists clenched and something strong and steely wrapped around the ball of fear in her chest, stifling its hold on her and straightening her spine.
Without