200 Harley Street: The Proud Italian. Alison Roberts
Читать онлайн книгу.
watching. And…oh, God…did he have tears tracing the edge of his nose, too? No… Rafael would never cry. But if he ever did, his face would look exactly the way it did right now.
The love he had for his daughter was almost as palpable as the wall Abbie had to reach out and touch for support.
He’d never expected to be able to hold her again, had he?
Or to see her smile. To hear that noise she made when she was really happy—a kind of cross between cooing and giggling that sounded like water going out of a sink.
Being a plughole, they’d called it. Ella’s being a plughole, they’d tell each other and then they’d both hold each other’s gaze and smile because they knew it was such a happy noise and it had been such a rare thing amongst the pain and sickness. Those poignant smiles and the silent communication of eye contact had been moments of connection that had given them strength to go on. That had made them feel that sharing this heartbreaking journey was making their relationship stronger. But, in the end, like it did so often with this kind of unimaginable stress, it had torn them apart.
Yes. Rafael still adored his daughter. She could see him rocking her now and hear his voice as he spoke rapidly in Italian. She caught the word fiorella. Ella’s proper name. His little flower. And he was singing now. Softly. Still in Italian. Stroking the odd patches of wispy hair on Ella’s head so gently. It was one of the things she loved about this man, that he could be so passionate. So demonstrative.
And for a moment when he’d been out here with her, he’d looked as if he still loved her like that, too.
Just before he’d stupidly said how hard it had been for him.
He hadn’t been there. Hadn’t sat for countless hours amongst the bank of monitors in the intensive-care unit, wondering if each breath Ella took would be her last.
Maybe she shouldn’t have taken the bait and reignited the old conflict but…it still hurt, dammit.
It wasn’t going to just go away by itself.
Being together in the same place wasn’t enough because it felt like there was no common ground between them.
Or if there was, the only person inhabiting it was a baby called Ella.
‘I CAN’T BELIEVE you’re starting back at work so soon.’ Ella’s nurse for today, Melanie, was watching Abbie spoon morsels of breakfast into her daughter’s mouth. ‘You’ve only just set foot back in the country.’
‘I just want to get back to normal.’ Abbie’s smile was a bit of an effort. Getting Ella back to London had been a huge step closer to getting back to a normal life but she had no real idea what ‘normal’ was going to be from now on.
She caught an escaping dollop of porridge with the edge of the plastic spoon and waited until Ella opened her mouth so she could pop it back where it belonged. ‘And I’ve had far too much time away already,’ she added. ‘You know what they say, Mel. “Use it or lose it.”’
Melanie looked up from the drugs she was preparing for Ella’s syringe driver. ‘You won’t go straight back into full time, though, will you?’
Abbie’s headshake was swift. There was no way she could suddenly cope with that kind of punishing schedule—the long surgery hours at the Lighthouse, outpatient clinics, ward rounds and the travel time and consultations at the Hunter Clinic. A schedule that Rafael had apparently ramped up to an unthinkable level while she’d been away. No work–life balance there but she could understand escaping like that. And her own life had been just as one-sided. For a very long time.
‘I haven’t been genuinely full-time for ages,’ she said aloud. ‘We started scaling things down when I got to about six months pregnant and then things got even more disrupted after Ella was born, of course.’
Melanie’s nod was sympathetic. She clicked the syringe into the driver. ‘You must be missing your work, too. You don’t get to be as good as you are if you don’t really love what you’re doing. Are you in Theatre today?’
‘No. It’s just an outpatient clinic this morning. They’re easing me in gently.’
‘That’s good.’ Melanie was making an exaggerated happy face at Ella. ‘You done yet, chicken? Ready to have a wash and get dressed and face the day?’
Abbie wiped Ella’s face with a damp cloth. ‘I think we both are.’ With a final cuddle she handed Ella to Melanie. ‘Be good, sweetheart. I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
Setting off to the Lighthouse’s outpatient department, she realised how nervous she was feeling. Maybe it was because she was out of her jeans for the first time in ages and wearing clothes more appropriate for her job. A neat blouse tucked into a long, swirly skirt that reached the top of her boots. An unbuttoned white coat as a jacket. The bright name badge that had a cute flower with a smiley face for a centre that told the world she was ‘Doctor Abbie.’
Or maybe it was because people would be bringing their precious children to her to have decisions made about potentially major surgery. She would have to weigh up the risks versus benefits for other people’s children when she was so acutely aware of how it felt to be a parent herself. What the repercussions of those risks might be.
Oh, for heaven’s sake, Abbie scolded herself. ‘It’s only an outpatient clinic. Hardly life or death.’
There was an expectation, however, that she would start again with the really high-pressure work as soon as possible and get up to reasonable speed so that she wouldn’t lose the skills that had won her such a prestigious position in the first place. The expectation wasn’t just coming from the Hunter brothers or the head of the paediatric surgical department at the Lighthouse Children’s Hospital.
It was coming from Abbie herself and that was why she’d told Ethan that she would start again so soon.
The passion that had led her into this career represented a part of herself that she had no intention of losing. First and foremost, it was who she was. Being a wife and a mother might be just as important but that part of her couldn’t survive in isolation. Not happily, anyway, and if she wasn’t happy she couldn’t do her best. Be her best.
This nervousness that made her stomach churn was very unfamiliar, though. Disconcerting. It was only an outpatient clinic she was heading for, she reminded herself again. One of her favourite parts of her job, where she could spend time with young patients and their families, either exploring the possible routes they could take to make a positive difference in their lives or checking up on progress and getting the satisfaction of seeing that difference.
Why was she so nervous?
Because she felt rusty from being away from the action for too long? Those kinds of nerves might be expected when she was back in Theatre with a scalpel in her hand but they would be welcome then because she’d know they would keep her focussed and would evaporate as her confidence returned.
This was different. This was the first time she would be working with Rafael since she’d accepted the ultimatum that meant their marriage was over. Would working together make things better or worse? Could it break through the polite distance they’d ended up in last night before Rafael had excused himself to do a post-operative check on his most recent patient?
Apparently not.
Rafael had arrived before Abbie and, against the background of a crowded waiting room, he was sorting files with the clinic’s nurse manager, Nicky. Like Abbie, he was wearing an unbuttoned white coat over his professional uniform of tidy trousers and a neat shirt and tie. He had a name badge on his pocket, too. Nothing as frivolous as a smiling flower, though. His was a far more dignified standard issue with the tiny lighthouse logo and his full name.
Abbie