The Gift of a Child. Sue MacKay
Читать онлайн книгу.
up that I’ll never know about. Surprising how much that hurt. Even when it was partially his own fault. Especially because of that. Jodi had carried the weight of his blind need to protect himself, had paid the consequences. Until tonight. ‘Tell me what brings you here now.’
When she finally answered it was with dignity. ‘Jamie’s very ill. He’s going to die if I don’t get the right care very soon. You might be able to help him.’
The strength went out of his knees. Gripping the edge of the table, he held himself upright. He’d asked and got the answers. Damn it. He stared at her. Her unwavering gaze spoke the truth. All of this nightmare was true. All of it. And more. His head whirled with angry questions. With denial. With acceptance. With—he didn’t know the hell what with but it sure as blazes hurt. Pain needled him, squeezed him, shook him like a defenceless kitten in a dog’s mouth.
Groping for his chair, he sank down into it and dropped his head into his hands. Could he rewind the clock an hour? Back to when the biggest problem he’d had was keeping his staff happy during the coming week? Back to when he’d been snoozing before going to a party?
‘What do you want from me?’ He didn’t recognise his own voice it was so croaky. ‘Money?’ He lashed out, trying to step through this mire of problems he’d never expected to have, trying to come out on top of it all. His way. The way he felt safe. The way he had some control over everything.
‘I’ll forget you said that.’ Ice chipped off Jodi’s words. ‘Jamie has renal failure. Cystinosis, to be exact. Our specialist in Dunedin believes he’s got a better chance up here. In this hospital.’
‘Bloody hell.’ Mitch leapt up and strode across the room, turned at the wall, strode back. Turned and slapped his hands on his hips as he bent down towards her. ‘Kick me in the guts, why don’t you?’
‘I know how you must be feeling.’
His eyebrows disappeared over the back of his head and his jaw clanged down on his chest. The situation got the better of him. ‘You know how I’m feeling? That’s rich.’
Her eyes were murky, like mud. Wet, brown and so, so sad. ‘I’ve been dealing with Jamie’s illness all his life. But I haven’t forgotten the day I was told about his condition. The terror, the sense of failing my baby, wanting to believe the doctors had made a mistake and that someone’s else’s son was sick and not mine. And then guilt for thinking that. So, yes, I do know.’
Did she have to sound so bloody reasonable? And so disappointed with him? Couldn’t she cut him some slack? It was all too much, too new, too raw. He tried to breath, struggled. Paced across the room and back, swallowed the lump blocking his throat, and strove for control. Back and forth across his office, which got smaller with every turn. He needed to get out of there, get some air. Stop thinking for a bit to give his mind time to settle down and absorb everything he’d learned over the last few minutes.
‘I’m going for a walk.’ He headed for the door.
Jodi was out of her chair and in his face so fast he hadn’t even reached for the door handle. ‘I’m coming with you.’
‘No, Jodi. Give me a break here, okay? I need time to myself. It’s not like you’ve given me a weather forecast or told me the cat’s got fleas. This is huge. I need to absorb it all before I decide what I’m going to do.’
Her lips tightened. ‘I understand. It’s been a big shock. But I’m coming with you. You’ll have plenty of questions once you start getting past the initial disbelief and I want to be there to answer them.’ When he narrowed his eyes at her she added quickly, ‘I won’t say a thing unless you ask me to.’
Maybe this really was a lookalike Jodi.
His phone sang a tune. He groaned as he read the message. ‘Samantha’s wondering why I haven’t turned up at the party yet.’
If looks could kill, he’d be a goner. Holding his hands up in a placating gesture, he added, ‘I’m definitely not in the mood for a party now.’ Probably never would be again. His finger pressed the ‘off’ button. Shocking how quickly life could change.
‘Samantha is?’
‘Not my girlfriend.’ He hauled the door open and Jodi slipped out right alongside him. She stuck to him all the way through the hospital corridors, through the car park and onto the street, where he strode blindly along the footpath, trying to outrun this nightmare.
And, true to her word, she didn’t utter a word.
Which was even more disturbing. He did not know this Jodi at all.
Jodi shivered in the chill night air. Wrapping her arms around her upper body, she tripped along beside Mitch.
Engrossed in thought, he didn’t seem to realise she was still with him, which gave her a chance to study him uninterrupted. Every time they passed under a streetlight she saw the raw shock still in his face. And the serious bent of his gaze. The clenched jaw.
At least he wasn’t shucking Jamie off like a used coat. That had to be good. Mitch was the champion of avoidance when it came to getting close to someone. He knew all the moves to keep people at arm’s length. Even in the best times they had together she’d known she had no future with him, that eventually he’d be gone.
That had made it a little easier to toss him out. Only a very little. The weeks and months following that disastrous day had been hard. Learning she was pregnant had added to her grief, but hadn’t broken her resolve to stay away from him after the conversation she’d overheard between him and his twin.
‘Here, put this on.’ Mitch shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to her.
‘Th-thanks. Wh-what about y-you?’ Her teeth hurt as they chattered from the cold.
‘I’ll be fine.’
The jacket came down to her knees and she could’ve wrapped it around herself twice. ‘A-anything y-you want to ask m-me?’
‘What field did you finally qualify in? Paediatrics or general practice?’
Okay, not about Jamie, then. ‘I opted for general practice when I learned I was pregnant.’
‘Why?’
As warmth seeped into her chilled muscles she concentrated on telling him what he wanted to know. ‘I didn’t like the idea of the horrendous hours that working in a hospital entailed. I wanted to be home at the end of the day for my child. Turned out it was a good move. Since Jamie became ill I’ve only worked part time.’ Very part time, some weeks.
‘Do you like being a GP?’
Still avoiding the real issue. She sighed. Maybe this was the way to the heart of the matter, giving him time to assimilate everything. ‘I love it. I see the same people regularly, get to know their families, watch the children growing.’ Her words dwindled away as she thought of Jamie and how he didn’t seem to grow at all these days. How a good day for him was one without pain or not being admitted to hospital.
‘Yeah, I can see you fitting right in there. You always could empathise with people as easily as breathing.’
Whereas he’d never enjoy spending his days working with the same people, getting to know their strengths and weaknesses, having them believe they had a connection with him beyond a fifteen-minute consultation. But she took the compliment, held it in her heart; a small warmth in an otherwise frosty situation. ‘You obviously still love the adrenalin rush of emergency medicine, though the hours seem to have taken their toll if that little snooze I witnessed is anything to go by.’
His elbows dug into his sides briefly. ‘Caught. But in defence I’ve been working for ten days straight. And before you say it, I haven’t changed in that respect. I do love the rush and drama of ED.’
Had he changed at all? In what ways? She hadn’t noticed anything different yet. ‘What about being HOD? More paperwork, less action, surely?’ Definitely not his forte.