Knave of Hearts. Caroline Anderson
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‘It’s been nearly eight years—things are different now. We aren’t at college any more, and I—I have responsibilities.’
‘Your daughter—Jo tells me she’s delightful.’
Anne looked away, unable suddenly to meet his eyes. ‘Yes—yes, she’s a real joy to me.’
Jake shifted, moving to the window to stare out at the light scattering of snow that blanketed the countryside behind the hospital.
‘Why didn’t you marry Duncan?’ he asked, his voice carefully casual.
Her heart crashed against her ribs. ‘I decided it wasn’t fair,’ she said carefully. ‘I didn’t love him the way I——’ She stopped herself in the nick of time.
‘The way you should?’
‘Yes,’ she agreed readily. ‘And it seemed unfair to a baby to have such a shaky start. My parents were very supportive.’
‘I would have married you, Annie, even though she wasn’t mine.’
She drew in a sharp breath. I must tell him, but not now, she thought frantically. Not here, in the hospital in front of anybody who walks in, and not now, out of the blue after all these years.
Sister popped her head round the door.
‘Anne, I’m sorry to disturb you but we need your help for a forceps delivery. Would you mind?’
She stood up. ‘Not at all, Sister. I’ll come right away.’
She turned to Jake. ‘Are you around later? There’s a lot to tell you. How about this evening?’
He shook his head. ‘I can’t—I’m going down to my parents’ to collect all my stuff. How about tomorrow evening?’
She thought quickly. ‘Eight?’ She could have Beth in bed by then. ‘I’m only on duty until five tomorrow, then I hand over to the other team.’
‘Fine. I’ll see you at your place—that way you won’t have to get a babysitter. What’s the address?’
‘Eight Bloomingdale Way,’ she told him.
A slow smile spread over his face. ‘Great. I’ll see you then, if not before.’
It was a long day, and an even longer night. She snatched a couple of hours to go and see Beth, who was with her childminder for the weekend as usual when Anne was on call, but for the most part her mind was on Jake and how she was going to break the news.
She didn’t see him again until Monday morning in the canteen, still in theatre greens and looking rumpled and deliciously sexy.
He came over and sat with her, and she noticed instantly that there were lines of strain around his eyes.
‘Problems?’ she asked quietly.
He shook his head. ‘Not really. I’ve just done three terminations on the trot—God, I hate it. I thought I was finished with all that.’
He must be referring to his posh New York clinic, Annie thought without compassion. She knew abortions were an unpleasant but sometimes necessary part of Obs and Gynae, but actively to seek to make money from it seemed the height of obscenity.
‘It keeps them away from the back streets,’ she said now, and he laughed without humour.
‘Oh, I know. There are pros and cons, and women in the middle fought over as if they were simply potting compost without any rights of their own, but I still hate doing it, and I hate myself for doing it, especially when it could so easily have been avoided by the simple expedient of birth control. God knows it’s readily enough available over here.’
And it wasn’t in the States? Annie stood up quickly before her tongue ran away with her. She really didn’t need to get into an argument with Jake of all people about the availability of birth control!
‘I have to go—don’t forget tonight.’
He tipped back his head, his eyes curiously intense. ‘When did I ever forget you, Annie?’ he asked softly.
Anne walked away, her legs shaking slightly. When did he forget? He’d totally ignored her for the last seven and a half years, and he didn’t even remember doing it!
It was a busy day, with several deliveries requiring her attention, but finally she got away and collected Beth from the childminder at five-thirty.
‘Can I play in the snow?’ she asked Anne.
‘Darling, it’s dark—and what about your homework?’
‘It’s only boring old reading, and I don’t want to do it—I’ll do it later.’
‘You’ll do it now,’ Anne corrected firmly.
‘No, I won’t! Jenny doesn’t make me! I hate you!’ she sobbed, and ran from the room, slamming the door behind her.
Anne took a deep breath. Of course Beth didn’t hate her, she was just crabby after the weekend. She hated her mother being on call, certainly, but she didn’t hate her mother.
Holding that thought, Anne picked up Beth’s rucksack of overnight clothes and teddies from the hall floor and followed the sound of her daughter’s sobbing up the stairs.
She found her, face down on the bed, her tear-stained face buried in the pillow.
‘Beth?’ She perched on the edge of the bed and stretched out her hand, ruffling her daughter’s thick, dark hair. ‘Baby? Talk to me.’
‘I hate you,’ came the mumbled response.
Anne sighed. ‘Did you miss me?’
‘No.’
‘I missed you. Did you play in the snow with Jenny’s children?’
A sniff was followed by a nod.
‘Did you build a snowman?’
Another nod.
She let her hand fall to Beth’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘Why don’t you tell me all about him while we have our supper? And then we can sit in the sitting-room and read your book together before you have your bath. OK?’
Beth sniffed hard, and rolled over.
‘Can we have pizza?’
Anne groaned and rolled her eyes theatrically. ‘Again?’
Beth giggled, her tears forgotten. ‘Yes—I like pizza. Can I put the extra things on it?’
‘Oh, darling, I haven’t got any fresh vegetables and there’s nothing much in the freezer.’
‘Cheese?’ Beth suggested hopefully.
‘I think there might be some cheese. Shall we go and look?’
She stood up and held out her hand, and her daughter slid off the edge of the bed and slipped her little hand into Anne’s.
Strange, Anne thought, how comforting another person’s touch can be. They found cheese, and even a rather sorry tomato, and Beth decorated the frozen pizzas while Anne rummaged in the vegetable rack for edible potatoes. She had meant to go shopping, but Beth was so crabby and with Jake coming tonight …
She sighed and turned on the tap, and stood staring out over the little cul-de-sac. Light spilt brightly from the houses, and the street lights made gleaming pools of gold on the snow that had fallen on Saturday night. It looked enchanted, and a long way from reality, Anne thought drily.
She noticed that most of the drives were cleared, including hers—now which of her kind neighbours had done that for her? They’d even cleared the one next door, though that was pointless, because nobody lived there at the moment.
Several of the semi-detached houses, including Anne’s and its partner, belonged to the hospital and were used primarily