Mummy in the Making. Victoria Pade
Читать онлайн книгу.
So being with family doesn’t make it much better. I got into the habit of shrinking into the background at an early age and relying on my brothers and sisters to be center stage, so that’s still what I fall into when I’m with them.”
“I know all about being put on display,” Hutch muttered more to himself than to her. Then to her, he said, “Or was it worse tonight because of Ian and me?”
It had definitely been worse because of Hutch and all that had been going through her mind about him, but she wasn’t going to say that.
Instead she hedged, “It might have been a little worse because of a lot of things. Like there were also kids, kids, kids everywhere…”
“And that was bad because?”
“Because it was glaring evidence that I don’t know the first thing about them, or about taking care of them, or about what they need or when, or what makes them tick.”
Hutch chuckled kindly. “That sounded a little panicky.”
“Because I feel a lot panicky I must be doing pretty well hiding it, then,” Issa joked even though it was the truth.
“You’re panicked at the thought of parenthood?”
“Oh, sooo panicked! I’ve just never been a kid person. My mother made Hadley take care of the rest of us, so I never had to look after my younger brothers or Zeli. When I was a teenager, I didn’t babysit like my friends did. I just don’t know the first thing about kids.”
“But you’re a schoolteacher,” he pointed out a second time, as if she were giving him conflicting messages.
“In a high school—they aren’t kid-kids. They’re teenagers. Three-quarters of the way to being adults. And I’m only responsible for teaching them chemistry. But a baby…” Issa nodded over her shoulder in the direction of the slumbering Ash. “A toddler? A kid? Feeding it, changing diapers, keeping it clean and healthy and thriving? Walking, talking, brushing teeth, potty training—I don’t even know where to start.”
“Didn’t you want kids?”
“Not particularly. I mean I didn’t plan to have them. I just sort of thought that if that biological clock thing ever kicked in, I’d know it and things might change. But that didn’t happen and this…” She hated referring to the pregnancy too literally. “This was a birth control malfunction. It’s taken a lot of soul searching for me to decide what to do and I’ve decided to go through with it, but I’m just hoping it’s the right choice. And tonight, being around all those kids, made me wonder.”
Like she was wondering at that moment why, for someone who didn’t ordinarily talk much, talking too much was the problem with this guy. And telling him things she had no reason to tell him. Birth control malfunction—had she really said that?
She sighed audibly. “I don’t know, I just kept watching what all of you did with your kids and thinking that I don’t know any of it.”
“You have some time to learn, to get ready,” he said on a positive note.
“I’m not sure time will help.”
Hutch did glance into the rear of the SUV then, at Ash, pausing the conversation for longer than seemed necessary.
Then he looked at Issa again and said, “How about a crash course? Would that help?”
She had the impression that he’d weighed those words before he’d said them, that that had been the purpose of that pause.
“A crash course?” Issa repeated because she wasn’t sure what he was offering. If he was offering anything.
“In kids. In parenting, although I’m in no way an expert. But I know from my own experience that it isn’t easy to step into those shoes, so I’d be willing to give you a couple of lessons. And the loan of some child-rearing books I still go to whenever I have a question. And there’s also Ash. You could do some practicing on him so you can start to get used to kids, to being around the little ones and dealing with them.”
She didn’t know if Hutch had any idea how generous she considered his offer to be at that moment.
Taking her eyes off the road to look at him, she said, “Really?”
He shrugged as if it were nothing. “I’ll make you a deal. The Realtor gave me a list of properties for sale in town so I could drive by them and decide if I want to see inside any of them before she sets anything up—”
“Marsha Pinkell? She gave me a list, too. Probably the same one because Northbridge is a small town and there aren’t that many things available.”
“All the better. I was going to say that you could help me find the places, but now it’ll give you the chance to check them out, too. And while we’re at it, I was also going to say that we could trade services—I’ll do the crash course in parenting for you if you give me the guided tour of Northbridge and introduce me around, help me to start becoming part of the community.”
“I’m not really part of the community—I haven’t lived here since I went away to college.”
“You’re still a hometown girl. Jenna said you hadn’t seen each other in years and years, but you picked right up where you’d left off with her. I’m betting that’ll happen with everyone. In fact, it’ll give you the chance to get it started, let people know you’re back. Or is this too much to ask of a Bashful Betty?”
It was. But the stress of that was less than the stress she’d been suffering over the thought of becoming a totally unprepared and incompetent mother.
So she made a counter-suggestion.
“How about if rather than making a whole project of introducing you around, I just do it when the opportunity arises, like when we run into someone I know. I don’t think I can promise to be your sole entry into Northbridge society, but I think I can give you a foot in the door.”
“Fair enough. So it’s a deal?”
Was it a deal? Issa asked herself as she pulled his SUV into the driveway beside her own, smaller version.
Turning off the engine roused Ash, who sleepily demanded, “Where Za-Za?”
“Za-Za?” Issa parroted.
“The floppy lion he sleeps with. Don’t ask me why he calls him Za-Za, he just does,” Hutch confided before he got out of the SUV, closed his door and immediately opened the rear one to lean inside to say to Ash, “It’s okay, buddy. I’ll have you in bed with Za-Za in a minute.”
Issa decided she could use that minute to consider the deal she might be striking with Hutch Kincaid.
Earlier in the evening she’d reminded herself to beware of this man because he was the kind of guy she knew she was susceptible to. And nothing about that had changed, she reflected as she got out of the SUV and went up to the house’s main door to unlock it.
Plus she realized she was susceptible to Hutch in particular. If she weren’t, during the drive home she wouldn’t have been as aware as she had been of the scent of his cologne, of the heat of his body just a console away, of that long arm stretched across the back of her seat.
She wouldn’t have thought so much about her hands being on the same steering wheel his hands had been on, or that she was sitting where he usually sat, and liking the sort of familiarity that seemed to breed.
She wouldn’t have just spent the past few hours at the barbecue stealing every glimpse of him that she could steal, and then have been secretly pleased afterward to have him to herself again.
So was it smart now to sign on for spending more time with him? She pondered the question as she opened the door and waited for Hutch to finish getting his son out of the car. Because time would have to be spent with him if she showed him around Northbridge, if she showed him whatever properties were on the market, and if she had him teach her what