My Babies and Me. Tara Quinn Taylor
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could only think so much about sex without embarrassing himself.
SETH’S DARK-BLUE Bronco was parked in front of the condo when Michael pulled up in his rental. Fond as he was of Susan’s brother, Seth sure as hell could have picked a better time to come visiting.
“I heard you were going to be in town,” the big blond man greeted him as Michael let himself in. “Thought I’d stop by and see if you two wanted to take in a movie or something.”
Susan, curled up on the couch, raised her brows and grimaced behind her brother’s back.
Michael shrugged out of his overcoat and hung it on the brass tree by the front door. “Don’t think so, buddy,” he said. There was no way in hell he’d be able to sit through a movie right now.
“The new Star Trek movie’s playing downtown,” Seth coaxed.
Exchanging glances with Susan, Michael shook his head. Trekkies though they were, a movie was still a two-hour wait in the dark. “It was just released,” he told Seth, pulling his keys out his jeans pocket to drop them on the hall table. “And it’s Saturday. The theater’ ll be full of kids.”
Dressed in beige khaki slacks and a black longsleeved fleece shirt that hugged her waist, Susan looked great. And eager. Her eyes were glowing as she shared an intimate glance with him.
“How about a game of basketball, then? I can call for a court.” Seth picked up the phone and dialed.
“I didn’t bring gym clothes,” Michael said, disconnecting the call. He met and held his friend’s gaze. “Seth, go home.”
“There’s a new restaurant on the other side of the river I’ve been meaning to try,” Seth said, still clutching the phone. “We could have lunch....”
Turning his ex-brother-in-law toward the door, Michael grabbed Seth’s coat off the rack and handed it to him. “Go home.”
Seth took his coat, put it on, and turned back, looking from Susan to Michael. “I think we should talk about this.”
“I think—” Susan began.
“Go home,” Michael interrupted her, giving Seth a little shove.
“You’re sure?” Seth asked quietly.
Hell no, he wasn’t sure. But Susan was. And he’d never be able to live with himself if he forced her to ask another man to do this.
“Go home.” he said one last time.
Swearing, Seth let himself out, slamming the door.
Michael locked it behind him.
SUSAN STARED at Michael’s back. He was still staring at the door he’d just locked, almost as though he were thinking about heading out himself.
“You want something to eat?”
He turned, walking slowly back into the living room, not meeting her eyes. “Nah, I had breakfast at the airport.”
He slipped his hands into his pockets, stretching the denim of his jeans taut across his fly. Susan couldn’t help noticing how attractive he was. She’d never been able to look at Michael without thinking about sex. But today there was more. Today she saw the man who was going to give her his baby.
The thought scared her just a little. What if this changed things? Not her life; of course that was going to change. But what if things between her and Michael weren’t the same afterward?
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she blurted suddenly.
His gaze swung to hers, intent, hopeful. “You’ve changed your mind.”
“No.” Susan shook her head. She needed to be a mother. “But it doesn’t have to be now, today,” she said even as she realized that putting it off wasn’t going to make any real difference. “It doesn’t have to be you.”
But she wanted it to be. She couldn’t imagine carrying anybody’s baby but Michael’s.
“Are you having doubts?”
Looking down, Susan studied the pattern in the tweed fabric of her overstuffed couch. “Not about the baby.”
“You’re having doubts about me?”
She’d hurt him. Damn, it was getting messy already and they hadn’t even done anything yet.
“Could you sit down or something?” she asked as he continued to hover over her, the hands in his pockets distracting her. “Please?”
Michael sat. On the very edge of the couch, knees spread, his elbows on his knees.
Susan couldn’t look at him. She hadn’t felt this tongue-tied with Michael since before the first time they’d made love. She’d been crazy with wanting him. And a little frightened because of her virginity. Her inexperience. A little frightened that she wouldn’t be able to satisfy him. After all, he’d had the prettiest girls in college chasing after him.
She’d been a boring little tomboy bookworm.
Not knowing what else to do, she’d been honest about her feelings then. And been honest with Michael every day since.
“I can’t imagine anybody but you as the father of my child.” The words, though softly uttered, were filled with the emotions tumbling through her.
She wasn’t looking at him, but she felt him flinch.
“I’m not asking you to be a father, Michael. I’d never do that to you. Any more than you’d ask me never to be a mother.”
Chancing a peek at him, she quickly looked back down at her hands. He was staring straight ahead, the muscles in his jaw working fiercely.
“I’m fully prepared to raise this child myself. In fact, I’m intent on doing so,” she assured him. Just as she’d been assuring herself for months.
“I just want it to be your baby growing inside me.” She wasn’t doing this very well. “I want my son or daughter to be a part of you.”
The more she talked to her silent ex-husband, the more her needs became clear to her. She didn’t just want a baby by the year 2000. She didn’t just want a baby, period. She wanted Michael’s baby. Even though she knew that having Michael’s baby meant raising the child herself.
“What I—” she said, stopping and then trying again. “What I don’t—” She reached across to lace her fingers with his, willing him to meet her eyes, waiting until he did. “What I don’t want...is to lose you in the process.”
He seemed about to say something but didn’t.
“You’re my best friend, Michael. I don’t want that to change.”
Slowly, tenderly, he brought his lips to hers. Kissing her softly. “In seven years I haven’t learned to stop caring about you,” he said, his lips still brushing hers. “I don’t think I ever will.”
Susan tried to block her mind as she gave herself up to his kiss, but for the first time, she wasn’t in a hurry to make love with Michael.
And that frightened her most of all. Things were changing already.
SETH TOOK the corner so hard he felt his outside tires leave the road. How could they be so stupid? The sister who’d never made a mistake in her life, as far as Seth was concerned. And his friend, who was exactly like Seth himself. It was as if he didn’t know either one of them anymore.
By what right could they bring a new life into the world without the means to nurture it? Children needed parents. Two of them. Full-time.
Rounding another curve, he heard a grinding in his steering column and lightened up on the vehicle. His Bronco didn’t deserve this abuse. It was faithful to him. Loyal. There when he needed it. And it never asked more from him than he could give.
Some