The Only Man for Her. KRISTI GOLD
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her gaze to his fly.
Yes, he definitely wanted her, but he couldn’t have her. Not tonight.
After she cocooned herself in the towel and tucked the edges between her breasts, she faced Matt to discover he’d come to his feet. “I’m going inside now,” she said in a voice that sounded grainy and unsure.
He took a few guarded steps toward her. “You know what you just reminded me of? That morning last spring, when I’d been out most of the night tending to the Fielders’ gelding. I came home and sat down at the breakfast table, and then you did that little striptease, shocking the hell out of me. Best I recall, we had one wild ride right there on the ceramic tile floor.”
A flash of heat slapped Rachel in the face when she thought about her lack of inhibition. She was almost positive she’d become pregnant that very morning. “I’d prefer to forget about that, thank you very much.”
As Matt took another few steps, she immediately backed up against the brick wall. “Are you blushing because you’re embarrassed, sweetheart?” he asked. “Or because you’re remembering how good we are together?”
A little of both. “A lot has changed since then.”
“Not everything.” He moved closer, leaving only a scant few inches between them. “You’re still sexy as hell. And we can still be good together. I’ll be glad to prove it.”
She was so, so tempted to take him up on his offer, until reality took hold. “Sleeping together isn’t going to solve our problems.”
“But it might make us forget them for a while.” He braced a hand above her head and pushed a wayward strand of hair behind her ear with the other. “Besides, who said anything about sleeping? I’m not tired. Are you?”
She was tired of fighting and almost ready to give up and give in. But she had to stay strong or suffer the consequences of her actions. “Again, I’m going inside. Alone. Have a nice night.”
Rachel ducked under Matt’s arm and opened the French doors, only to have him follow her inside. When she turned to protest, he reeled her in for a kiss. A sultry, suggestive kiss. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d kissed this way, deep and provocative. Couldn’t remember the last time they’d been this close. She did recall all those nights over the past few months when she’d needed him this badly, but anger and resentment had prevented her from acting on that need.
That anger still existed and should be enough to stop her now, yet her resistance began to dissolve when Matt rimmed a fingertip beneath the edge of the towel, immediately above the knot. He didn’t release it but Rachel sensed he wanted to. He was simply waiting for her permission. If she told him to stop, he would. If she demanded he go away, leave her be, he’d back off. Her husband might be determined and stubborn to a fault, but he’d never force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. Unfortunately, she wanted the intimacy. She needed the intimacy, right or wrong. Wise or not.
And in one defining moment, when feeling something other than angry and sad and resentful mattered more than wisdom, she released the towel. It fell to the floor, leaving her completely exposed, both physically and emotionally.
From that point, everything happened quickly. They headed toward the bedroom adjacent to the living area on a rush of desperate kisses. Matt guided her to the mattress’s edge, and while she watched, he yanked his T-shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor. Then he fumbled with his fly and shoved his jeans and underwear down without even bothering to take off his boots. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought she should say they shouldn’t be doing this, but she was already too far gone.
Matt nudged her back onto the bed and eased inside her with more restraint than she’d expected. But the sheer intensity in his blue eyes that he kept trained on hers, the tight set of his jaw showed his struggle for control. Normally he would take his time coaxing a climax from her, but Rachel didn’t need any fancy foreplay. Just the feel of his damp skin against her palms, the powerful movement of his body, coupled with a few descriptive, sexy words he whispered in her ear, proved to be more than enough.
Matt had always prided himself on making it last, but like her, he couldn’t hold out any longer. The spontaneous and ill-advised lovemaking had driven them both over the edge in record time. And with one more thrust, he collapsed against her.
Their ragged breathing echoed in the silent room as Rachel’s heart began to slow and awareness settled in. She’d forgotten how good he felt in her arms. Truthfully, she hadn’t let herself remember. But now it all came back to her, all the things she’d come to appreciate over the years. The way he’d always held her in the aftermath, making her feel secure and cherished. Loved. Yet in light of their recent troubles, she could no longer rely on that love alone.
If a person really loved his wife, he wouldn’t bury himself in work to avoid her. He wouldn’t exchange coming home to her for frequenting seedy bars on the outskirts of town. He wouldn’t ignore her grief because he refused to deal with his own.
And as the moments ticked away, and once again she mourned what used to be, what might never be again, Rachel did the only thing she could possibly do at the moment. She cried.
* * *
MATT WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED if they’d felt the explosion in the next county.
Maybe he hadn’t lost his touch after all. Here he was, with his wife in his arms following some mind-blowing sex. Maybe now they could get back on track, and she’d come back home where she belonged.
Then he felt the dampness against his shoulder, heard a soft sob and realized he’d jumped on the optimism train way too soon. The euphoria he’d felt only seconds ago disappeared as quickly as it had come.
He raised his head and found Rachel with her eyes tightly closed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Tears he’d seen quite a bit over the past few months, some he’d been responsible for. No matter what he’d said or done to try to make it better, he’d failed. Tonight was no exception.
He brushed a kiss across her forehead. “What’s wrong, Rachel?”
She released a broken sigh. “I don’t understand how this can be so right between us when everything else is so wrong.”
He should’ve figured she’d see it that way. Should’ve known that his plan to woo her back into his life had fallen flat.
Matt rolled over and draped his forearm over his eyes, blocking the light they hadn’t bothered to turn off. Hell, he hadn’t even bothered to take off his boots or his jeans. Hadn’t bothered to…
The thought stopped him cold. Asking the next question could throw fuel on the conflict fire, but he had to know. “Are you on the Pill?”
“No. I haven’t had any need for birth control.”
Damn. Exactly what he’d feared. “How much of a risk did we just take?”
When he felt the mattress bend, he opened his eyes to see Rachel seated on the edge of the bed, putting on a robe. “You mean could I get pregnant?”
“Yeah. Is it possible?”
She stood, faced him and cinched the sash tightly around her waist. “Now, wouldn’t that just thrill you, Matthew?”
He couldn’t ignore her sarcastic tone or cynical look. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what it means,” she said. “You’ve never wanted any kids.”
He worked his jeans back into place and came to his feet. “I never said that.” Even if he had thought it at one time.
She crossed the room and took a seat on the frilly blue floral chair in the corner. “Maybe you never said you didn’t want a child in so many words, but your excuses have sent the message, loud and clear. First we couldn’t have a baby until after you finished vet school. Then it was establishing the practice and building the new clinic and finally the house. After that, you ran