Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen?…Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter? When you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?…Then you will call and the Lord will answer, you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

      —Isaiah 58:6–7, 9

      This book is dedicated to adoptive parents everywhere. You are God’s word in action.

      Contents

      Prologue

      Chapter One

      Chapter Two

      Chapter Three

      Chapter Four

      Chapter Five

      Chapter Six

      Chapter Seven

      Chapter Eight

      Chapter Nine

      Chapter Ten

      Chapter Eleven

      Chapter Twelve

      Chapter Thirteen

      Chapter Fourteen

      Chapter Fifteen

      Chapter Sixteen

      Chapter Seventeen

      Epilogue

      Letter to Reader

      Questions for Discussion

      Prologue

      Ian couldn’t stop shaking. He’d done something bad. Real bad. And now they were all in trouble.

      Collin always said you shouldn’t tell nobody nothing. But he and his brothers had been cold. That’s why Drew made the fire, but Ian’s prekindergarten teacher didn’t understand. Her eyes got all watery and she took him to the school counselor. Ian hadn’t said nothing to Mr. James. He’d been too scared. But Ms. Smith told everything. Even stuff Ian didn’t say. Stuff about hi-jean and neglect and other words he didn’t know.

      Now all three brothers were in the office. Him and Drew and Collin.

      He looked across the cluttered room to where Collin stood with fists tight at his side. He hoped Collin wasn’t mad at him for telling.

      Collin was ten, the big brother. He took care of Ian and Drew. Collin was brave. He didn’t even get scared when it thundered and rain slithered through the cracks of the trailer like wet snakes. He didn’t get scared neither when the cops came. He told them Mama was at the store and would be right back. But that wasn’t true. Sometimes Mama didn’t come back for days and days.

      Drew leaped up from the plastic chair and charged for the door. “Leave me alone!”

      Ian jumped at the sudden outburst.

      “I’m not going this time. You can’t make me.”

      Ian’s belly started to hurt. He sneaked a glance at Collin. Collin didn’t like it when Drew freaked out. That’s what Collin called it. Freakin’ out. Drew was mad, kicking and spitting and screaming. Bad stuff happened when Drew freaked out.

      Sure enough, Mr. James grabbed his brother and pushed him into a chair. Mr. James was nice, but he was strong. With big muscles. And Drew was only seven.

      “Settle down. Right now,” Mr. James said. “We’re trying to help.”

      Drew struggled, growling like a mean tomcat. His too-long brown hair flopped wildly. He spit at Mr. James and said a bad word. Now he’d be in worse trouble. Drew never knew when to stop.

      Ian couldn’t help it then. He started to cry. He clamped his lips tight and tried to stop, but he couldn’t. The sound stuck inside him, like peanut butter swallowed too fast. His chest hurt. He didn’t want the counselor to be mad at him, too. He didn’t want anyone to be mad. But he was scared and the tears pushed hard at the backs of his eyes.

      His legs shook so much his hand-me-down tennis shoes nearly fell off.

      He looked at Collin, afraid to talk for fear he’d say the wrong thing again. He needed to go the bathroom but wasn’t about to ask. What if the social worker took him away this time, and he never got to see Drew and Collin again? Mama said that would happen if they went around shooting off at the mouth.

      He shouldn’t have told.

      The tears ran through his nose and into the corners of his lips. He swiped at his face with the buttonless sleeve of his flannel shirt. This was all his fault.

      Then Collin came over and put a hand on his head. Not a mad hand. A gentle, don’t-cry, hand. A quivery sigh ran through Ian. Collin would take care of him. He always did.

      The social worker lady came over, too, and squatted down in front of his chair. She had nice eyes. And her voice was soft like Ms. Smith’s. But Collin didn’t like her. Ian could tell. Collin’s face was hard and mad, kind of scary.

      “Don’t cry, Ian. I know you’re upset,” the lady said. “But you’re going to a real nice place that’s warm and has plenty to eat.”

      Ian sniffed and looked at the woman. She smelled so nice. Much better than Mama. But he loved Mama. He wished she’d come home.

      The social worker tapped the end of his shoe. The old stringless thing slipped off his heel. “We’ll get you some new tennis shoes, too. Ones that fit.”

      Ian sucked in a hiccup. Shoes that fit. He’d like that. These were cold. The bottoms had holes and the inside was torn out. Sometimes they made sore places.

      He wondered if he’d get some socks, too. White ones that came high up his leg and didn’t fall down when he walked.

      He hoped they went back to the same foster house again. The lady there was soft and smiley and let him eat all the food he wanted. He didn’t know why Collin and Drew didn’t like foster houses.

      “Collin.” The