Yuletide Proposal. Lois Richer
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about motivating people, Brianna. You always did, even before you started practicing psychology. Inspiring people is in your blood.” He held her gaze with his own. “I doubt that’s changed.”
Surprised that he’d harked back to a past that could only hold painful memories for both of them, Brianna frowned.
“Remember when there were no funds for our school choir to go to that competition?” Zac’s grin flashed. “You were the one who roused everybody and got them to pitch in and raise money for the trip.”
“You want me to raise money?” she asked dubiously, confused by his excitement.
“No,” he said and continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “When Jaclyn’s sister died, you were the one who made a schedule to ensure her friends would be with her during the first hard days after the funeral. You were the one who helped Jaclyn solidify her goal for Whispering Hope Clinic, and you were the one who kept that dream alive even though your other partner left town.”
“It wasn’t just Jaclyn’s goal. Jessica was my dearest friend. I vowed to keep her memory alive by making sure no other kid ever went through what she suffered because of a lack of medical help. That’s why I came back to Hope, to help kids,” she said.
“I know.” Zac smiled. “You’re an encourager, Brianna.”
What was with the trip down memory lane? It sounded as if Zac was praising her, but that couldn’t be. Brianna had jilted him!
“You’re a motivator who inspires, and you’re very, very good at it. I’ve always admired that about you.”
Admired her? Brianna bristled, irritated that his memory was so selective. The words spurted out without conscious thought.
“If you admired me so much, how come you betrayed me the night before our wedding?”
That was so not the thing she wanted to say to Zac Ender after ten long years. Brianna clapped a hand over her mouth and wished she’d never answered his summons this morning.
“I—wh-what?” Zac’s face was blank, his stern jaw slack.
Brianna had to escape.
“Look, I have to go. I have another appointment.” She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. “Perhaps we can talk about this again another time,” she murmured.
“Count on it.”
The firm resolve behind his words startled her into turning to look at him.
“We’re not finished, Brianna.”
She wasn’t sure whether that was a threat or a promise and she didn’t want to consider either at the moment. For some reason she couldn’t figure out, Zac still got to her. She needed time to get her defenses back up.
“I’ll talk to Cory,” she promised and left.
Brianna breathed deeply as she headed back to the clinic. Once there she paused a moment to study the exterior of the building that housed Whispering Hope Clinic and to remember how the dream had started. Jessica’s cancer had been diagnosed too late because of a doctor shortage in Hope. As they watched the disease decimate her, Jessica’s sister, Jaclyn, Brianna and their friend Shay had made a pact to one day return to this little town in New Mexico and open a medical clinic for kids to ensure no child ever went without help again. Jaclyn was now the pediatric physician at Whispering Hope Clinic. Brianna was a child psychologist and hopefully Shay would soon join them to offer physiotherapy.
Brianna’s mother had never understood how deeply Jessica’s death had affected her daughter, or how that death had prompted Brianna to volunteer in the hospital’s children’s ward. But it was there Brianna had learned to listen. That’s what she’d been doing on the school steps one afternoon with Shay and Jaclyn. A teacher had later commented on her ability to encourage, and then urged Brianna to consider becoming a counselor. Desperate to escape her mother’s expectation that she take over the family business, Brianna focused on her own plan—attend college, get her doctorate and return to Hope to keep her vow. Her mother’s refusal to help her reach that goal sent Brianna to seek help from the smartest kid in school, Zac. Once she’d thought he loved her but his perfidy had sent her away from Hope and she’d struggled to achieve her goal on her own.
Now that she was finally back in Hope, fulfilling the dream she’d cherished for so long, Brianna could not afford to get sidetracked by handsome Zac Ender.
* * *
Zac ran every evening after sunset, when the community of Hope was nestled inside their houses with their families around them. Usually he used the lonely time to review his progress in reaching his goals. But tonight his thoughts wandered back ten years to a time when he’d been so certain life couldn’t get any better; when Brianna Benson said she loved him and he’d loved her.
Zac knew now that he’d been deceiving himself. What did he know about loving a woman? He hadn’t had a father growing up, nobody to teach him anything about relationships, especially how to be the kind of husband Brianna needed. He’d always had a social disadvantage. Those first few years after the car accident that had killed his father had left Zac so badly injured he’d had to endure ten years of surgeries just to walk again. Maybe that’s when the lingering feelings of abandonment had taken root; maybe he was a loner because he’d never had a role model to show him how to become a man who could open up to a woman, to expose his deepest fears and his worst scars and trust that she would still care for him in spite of everything. Maybe that lack of inner harmony was why he never felt God had any particular use for a man like Zac Ender.
But for that tiny space in time ten years ago, Zac had believed marriage to pretty Brianna was the answer to his prayers. Then, her long, coffee-colored curls had framed her heart-shaped face. Her perfect white smile had engaged everyone and her hazel eyes had sparkled gold glints in their green depths as she’d cheered him on. Zac had bought into her dream that he could finally shed his inhibitions and open up to people as she did, without freezing up. For a little while he imagined it was possible to shed the inner lack of confidence which had branded him a laughingstock from the first awkward day his health had improved so much he’d finally been granted permission to quit homeschooling. He’d walked into Miss Latimer’s seventh-grade math class full of excitement and found he couldn’t answer a question he’d studied two years earlier. Instead he’d stuttered and stammered until Miss Latimer had called on someone else. Even now, all these years later, the sting of the other kids’ snickers and scorn still caused a mental flinch. As time passed, Zac had accepted their branding of the nerd who never fit in.
But in college, Brianna tantalized him with a self-concept that hinted at the possibility of him becoming poised and able to communicate in any situation. Though Zac had improved his communication skills thanks to Brianna’s tutelage, he now recognized that back then, inside, in the recesses of his heart, he’d never outgrown being that ashamed, embarrassed kid who couldn’t use words to express what was on his mind. Secretly, even then, he’d always feared that one day the vivacious, energetic and exuberant Brianna would realize he could never be the outgoing husband she wanted, that God simply hadn’t made him that way. The day her dad told him Brianna had run away from their wedding, the bubble of Zac’s pretend world burst.
Now, ten years later, Brianna had changed, and not just by cutting her hair into a pixie style that framed her face and made her eyes the focal point. Zac had changed, too. He knew who he was and exactly what his failings were. He was a nerd and he didn’t fit in. God didn’t mean for him to be a missionary or a minister. He didn’t gift Zac with social abilities. Zac still struggled to speak in public. Certainly God didn’t expect him to express his faith publicly, other than by attending church. Zac had no illusions about God ever turning him into a public figure. But Zac had a plan. And he’d done what he planned, gotten his degrees, advanced his career. He’d set very high goals for himself. None of them included romance. He had no intention of failing twice.
But now Zac had reached all his objectives save one. It was time to climb the final rung and prove to the world that nerd or not, Zac Ender wasn’t a failure.