The Rule-Breaker. Rhonda Nelson
Читать онлайн книгу.
Weston, here in the flesh. She swallowed, her throat suddenly tight.
He blamed her—or at least considered her a contributing factor—she knew. How could he not? After what had happened? Though the official line from the military had cited an accidental death, Shelby knew that hadn’t been the case.
She knew...because Micah had written her prior to his death and told her so.
She hadn’t received the letter until several days after Micah’s passing, but even then she’d suspected. Though she’d broken their engagement six months before his death, they’d still kept in touch. Hell, they’d been friends since grade school. Just because the romantic relationship was over hadn’t meant that she’d stopped caring about him, that she hadn’t wanted the best for him. And he’d been struggling, she knew.
Eli, she imagined, had known it, too.
Shelby had been so consumed with grief and regret that she’d hadn’t even been able to look at him during Micah’s service. She’d been too afraid of what she’d see there. And she blamed herself enough as it was. Not specifically for Micah’s death—the sole purpose of his letter was to keep her from blaming herself—but the pain she’d inflicted on him, the guilt of longing for Eli... She owned that and suspected she always would.
Eli, she imagined, would, as well, which made facing him all the more difficult.
But there would be no avoiding him here and, considering that she needed his help to try and figure out who was sending the letters, she’d better pull herself together.
She released a shaky breath, thankful that her hands were steady even though her nerves were stretched thinner than a razor’s edge.
Thankfully, Sally had insisted that Eli be a part of the building and dedication of the gazebo going up in the center of the town square. A tribute to Micah, their fallen hometown hero. Because she’d always been good with a pencil, Carl had asked her to draw up the design. He’d told her it would mean a lot to the family, to Micah. In light of the breakup, she wasn’t certain it was completely appropriate, but Carl and Sally had been too good to her over the years for her to be anything other than helpful.
To show their appreciation to everyone who was participating with the construction, Micah’s parents were hosting a dinner every evening until the project was complete and Shelby had been told her presence was expected. “Micah loved you,” Sally had told her. “And we love you. It would mean so much to us for you to be there.”
Rather than argue, Shelby had simply nodded. She had no intention of doing anything that was going to cause Micah’s family any further distress. They’d been through hell. That playful light behind Carl’s eyes had dimmed, Sally’s smile had resurfaced a few weeks ago, but it never moved past her lips, and poor Colin—their “little surprise,” Sally liked to say—at thirteen, was caught at that awkward age where he was too young to truly cope and too old to allow himself to cry. He’d grown sullen and remote, a shadow of the happy, energetic boy she’d known. It was so sad.
And she would never, ever reveal the truth. No matter how many letters she received.
Which was why she needed Eli’s help. As Micah’s best friend, he could snoop around with less suspicion than she could. Willow Haven was a small tight-knit community. It wasn’t just likely that she knew the sender—it was a certainty. Any questions she asked on her own behalf were going to throw up a red flag and potentially allow the truth about Micah’s death to become public. She couldn’t let that happen. Any questions Eli asked, as Micah’s best friend and a Willow Haven outsider, wouldn’t be as conspicuous.
It was odd, really. The letters had started the week after Micah’s funeral and she’d received one every week since. Each one just as cryptic as the last, the notes were always short and to the point.
I saw you. I know what you did. I’m going to tell.
It wasn’t the gun that killed him, it was you. I’m going to tell.
How can you live with yourself, knowing what you did? I’m going to tell.
And the latest? The most disturbing?
You deserve to die. It should be you in a coffin beneath that heavy dirt. I’m going to tell.
It chilled her, this last letter. Possibly because it seemed so matter-of-fact, so stark. She’d never given much thought to dying or what exactly it meant to be buried. She’d never considered that the earth above a coffin would be heavy or how wretched that would make her feel. Just thinking about it had made her want to rush down to Rosewood Cemetery, where her parents and grandparents were buried, and claw the earth away from their coffins, then move them into an aboveground crypt, much like the ones she’d seen in New Orleans. Irrational? Costly? Yes, but she couldn’t seem to shake the idea.
Any more than she could shake the memory of Eli’s kiss—the blazing desperation and desire in his pale hazel gaze—from her mind. It stuck there. Haunted her. Mocked her. Shamed her.
Enflamed her.
She should have never followed him outside that night, Shelby had told herself a million times. She’d known if she danced too close to the fire she was going to get burned. And the kicker? The horrible truth? If she had to do over again, she’d probably do the same damned thing. Because getting burned was better than being numb.
And she’d never realized she was numb until Eli touched her.
Had there been a spark of something prior to that? Yes, God help her, as unwelcome as it was undeniable. Shelby had tried pretending that it didn’t exist, then chalked it up to Eli’s mysteriousness, that intense direct stare that occasionally left her feeling as if he’d opened her head and taken a peek inside. She’d tried avoiding him, not avoiding him, looking for faults...everything. Nothing had nudged that niggle of awareness, that lingering longing that stirred in her gut.
That’s why she’d ultimately broken it off with Micah. Because until Eli had kissed her, she’d been able to pretend that her affection and long history with Micah were stronger than something as small and insubstantial as the idea of someone else, of Eli. Because until he’d kissed her, that’s all it had been—an idea.
She’d so been wrong. Wrong for ever allowing things with Micah to rekindle, then progress to a proposal. He’d been safe and familiar, and she’d been vulnerable and lonely. He’d picked her up, dusted her off and loved her, as always.
She’d desperately wanted to love him back. And she did, to a point. But never as much as he cared for her. Never with the same sort of intensity. He’d known it, too. Freely admitted it. But he’d never cared, so long as they were together.
She tied off the final stitch, then reached for her scissors and trimmed the thread. It was hard to reconcile a world he was no longer a part of, to know that she’d never see his smile or hear his laugh again. That had been the best thing about Micah, Shelby thought, a pang tightening her chest. His laugh. It had been joyful and uninhibited, infectious. She missed it most of all.
“You look odd, Shelby,” Mavis remarked. “Are you all right?”
Shelby blinked and gave herself a little shake. Despite being extremely self-absorbed, Mavis could be disturbingly observant. “Yes, of course.”
“Well, aren’t you going to walk over there and say hello? He was Micah’s best friend, after all, and he’s using his leave to volunteer. I think it would be rude and inhospitable for you to ignore him.” She shot Shelby a pointed look. “Like you did at the service.”
Shelby stored her tools, then carefully folded the romper. She felt a blush creep up her neck. “I was understandably preoccupied,” she lied. “And so was he.”
“Maybe so, but he kept glancing at you and you never once looked his way. Say what you will, but I know that your actions were deliberate. It would have been less noticeable had you simply acknowledged him.” She frowned. “I’ve never known you to be so unkind. It was so unlike you. I can only conclude that I’m not in possession