Freefall to Desire. Kayla Perrin
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pulled her knees onto the sofa, holding them close to her chest. Her head was spinning. She felt more ambiguous than hopeful, more confused as opposed to certain about what she should do.
Why now? she thought. Why at a point when she had just resolved to let go of any hope that Carter was alive had Alex shown up at her door?
Was this a sign from God? A sign that she should not be giving up on Carter?
Brianne sat for several minutes, holding Alex’s card in her palm. What had happened was so bizarre that she almost couldn’t be sure if she were dreaming.
But she was awake, no doubt about it, which meant that what had just happened had actually happened.
She glanced down at the card in her hand. The name ALEX THORPE was written in big, bold letters. She didn’t know what was more unsettling, Alex’s sudden appearance at her door or what he’d told her.
Carter. Alive. How long she had waited to hear those words… Why wasn’t she jumping for joy?
Brianne got up from the sofa and went to her bedroom. Her best friend, Salina, was in New York pursuing her career as a chef and her new man. Brianne called her cell but got no answer. Again. The last she had heard from Salina was two weeks ago, and she’d said that she was working long hours, was stressed but that otherwise all was good.
“Hey, girl,” Brianne said when the voice mail picked up. “Something major just happened. Call me. I need to talk to someone.”
Unable to reach Salina, Brianne went to the closet, retrieved her suitcase and found the travel documents she’d had for her sister’s wedding at the Gran Bahia Principe hotel in Jamaica. She didn’t like the idea of disturbing Shayna while she was on her honeymoon, but this was an emergency.
She called the hotel in Jamaica. Within minutes, she was connected to her sister’s room.
After the third ring, Brianne thought no one was going to answer. Not that she expected them to. Either Shayna and Donovan were out enjoying an evening show at the resort, or they were doing what honeymooners did best. But just before the fourth ring, someone picked up the receiver.
Brianne heard some shuffling, and then, “Hello?”
“Shayna!” Brianne exclaimed, happy to hear her sister’s voice. She didn’t realize until that exact moment how much she needed her sister right now.
“Brianne?”
“I’m sorry to call you on your honeymoon. I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t very, very important.” Brianne heard Donovan ask something along the lines of if she was okay. “Yes, tell Donovan I’m okay. Well, actually I’m not too sure that I am.”
“What’s going on, Bree?” Shayna asked, her voice laced with concern. “Oh, of course. How could I have forgotten? It’s today. The three-year anniversary.”
“Oh, Shay.” A little sob escaped Brianne. “I just talked to Alex, and he said something. Something that’s hard to believe.”
“Alex? As in Carter’s best friend?”
“Yes.”
“I thought he’d left Buffalo.”
“So did I. But apparently he’s back.”
“He just called out of the blue?”
“He came to the house.”
“Oh, God.” Shayna’s voice was barely a whisper, and Brianne knew her sister was coming to the same conclusion she had. “They found Carter’s remains.”
“That’s what I thought, too, when I saw him. But Shay, he said something that has me reeling. He thinks…” Brianne paused, inhaled deeply. “He thinks that Carter’s alive.”
“What? How?”
Brianne took the next few minutes to fill her sister in, tell her everything Alex had said. “He wants me to go to Florida to help find Carter. But I don’t think I can. I mean, what if it was just a look-alike Alex saw? It’s been so hard for me already, trying to deal with the unrealistic likelihood that Carter might come back one day. In so many ways, it might have been easier if I’d just accepted that he had died. So what if we get to Florida and find this person and it’s not Carter after all? I don’t know if I can deal with that.”
“I don’t even know what to say, sis. I’m totally in shock.”
Again, Brianne heard Donovan speaking, and then she heard Shayna’s muffled voice as she filled her husband in on what was happening.
“A part of me is too scared to hope,” Brianne said. “But what if Carter is alive and he needs me? Or what if he’s alive and he’s got this whole new life that I won’t fit into?”
“I’d want to know,” Shayna said. “If you go and learn that it was simply a Carter look-alike, that’ll probably help you with closure. You can probably put to bed the idea of Carter ever coming back. But if you go and discover that against all odds Carter is alive… Yes, it would be hard to find out that he was involved with someone else, but will it be any easier wondering?”
Shayna had a good point. “Not really. No. It’s the wondering that has been so hard these past years.”
“Then again, Alex could deal with this on his own and report back to you what he finds. Especially if he learns that Carter has a wife and kids.”
A wife and kids. The words made a lump form in Brianne’s throat. She always thought that she would be Carter’s wife and the mother of his children.
“I’m sorry,” Shayna said. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, don’t apologize. Nothing about this situation is sweet and rosy. I have to accept that.”
A beat passed, then Shayna asked, “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I called you. To get your input.”
“Truthfully, I think that Alex probably saw a guy who looked a lot like Carter, but I doubt it was him. If Carter were alive, then he would have needed medical attention at some point. The authorities would certainly have been called. Then there’s the issue of him coming back to America without his identification. Brianne, I can’t see this person truly being him.”
“But there was no body.” Brianne spoke the words more to herself, thinking about the amount of times she had refused to believe Carter dead simply because his jacket and backpack had been found.
“I know,” Shayna agreed. “But you know what the authorities think. And there was enough blood on the jacket that they believed there had to have been some sort of attack.”
“Yes, yes, I know.” Brianne sighed. “Sorry, Shay. I’m not trying to be testy. It’s just…I still can’t think about what might have happened to Carter. It’s too hard.”
“Brianne, you have to decide what’s best for you to do. If you think going to Florida will help, then go. But if it’s going to be more painful than anything, then I think you shouldn’t do it.”
“I thought you said you’d want to know.”
“I did, yes. But when I really think about it, the likelihood of it—and how your emotions will get dragged through the ringer again—I don’t think it’s worth it. That said, I’ll support whatever decision you make.”
“I know you will,” Brianne said softly. “Thanks for listening. I’m sorry I disturbed you.”
“Are you kidding? I’m glad you called. I’m just sorry that you’re there by yourself dealing with this.”
“Tell Donovan hi. I’m gonna let you go.”
“All right. But, Bree, if you need to talk again, don’t hesitate to call back.”
Brianne