An Impossible Attraction. Brenda Joyce
Читать онлайн книгу.
needed her, as did her two sisters, who were only seven and nine. Father needed her, too—though he was locked in the library with his gin. But now she understood the odd light in the room, and the equally strange warmth. “I can’t see them, but I can feel them. Are you afraid?”
Elizabeth shook her head ever so slightly, and just as slightly, her grasp on Alexandra’s hands increased. “I don’t…want to go, Alexandra. The girls…are so young.”
It was hard to hear her, so Alexandra leaned even closer to her mother’s face. “We don’t want you to leave us, but you’ll be with the angels now, Mother.” Somehow she managed to smile. “I am going to take care of Olivia and Corey—you needn’t worry. I will take care of Father, too.”
“Promise me…darling…promise.”
She laid her cheek against her mother’s bony face. “I promise. You have done everything for this family, you have been its guiding light, its rock and its anchor, and I will do everything for Father and the girls now. We will be fine. They will be fine.” But it didn’t feel as if anything would ever be fine again.
“I am so proud…of you,” Elizabeth whispered.
Alexandra had straightened so they could look into one another’s eyes. She was the oldest, the firstborn, with years separating her and her two younger sisters, and she and her mother had always been close. Elizabeth had taught Alexandra how to manage the household, how to entertain and how to dress for tea or for a ball. She had taught her how to bake cinnamon cookies and how to make lemonade. She had shown her how to smile, even when upset, and how to behave with grace and dignity, no matter the occasion. She had shown her the true power of love, of family, of diligence and respect.
Alexandra knew her mother was proud of her. Just as she knew she could not bear this last moment with her. “Don’t worry about the girls or Father. I will take good care of them.”
“I know.” Elizabeth smiled sadly and fell silent. And it took Alexandra a full moment to realize that her eyes had become sightless.
She gasped, hard, the intense pain blinding her. The tears finally overflowed, even as she fought them. She grasped her mother’s hands more firmly and lay down beside her, already missing her acutely, the pain unbearable now, and that was how her fiancé, Owen, found her.
“Alexandra.” He gently lifted her to her feet.
She met his concerned, searching gaze and let him guide her from the death room. It was dark and somber now—the warm light long gone. In the hall, he held her for a long time. Alexandra let him, even as her heart broke all over again.
Because she knew what she must do.
Owen was her best friend, her one and only true love, but that didn’t matter now.
“Why are you looking at me that way?” he asked, eyes wide.
She clasped his beautiful cheek. “I love you, Owen.”
He was alarmed. “You are in shock. This is the time to grieve.”
She began shaking her head. “I can’t marry you, Owen. I told her I would take care of this family, and I meant it. My life is no longer my own. I can’t marry you, I can’t be your wife, or the mother of your children. I can’t. I have to take care of my sisters.” And in that moment, she knew it was the truth and was overwhelmed by the turn her life had taken.
“Alexandra!” he cried. “Allow yourself a period of mourning. I will wait for you. I love you, and we will get through this together.”
But she pulled away, the hardest thing she had ever done. “No, Owen. Everything has changed. Corey and Olivia need me, and so does Father.”
“I am going to wait for you,” he warned, and tears glistened on his lashes.
There were no choices now. She would hold the family together, no matter what it meant or what it took. “Goodbye, Owen,” she said.
Chapter One
“I CAN NO LONGER AFFORD YOU,” the Baron of Edgemont said.
Alexandra Bolton stared in some surprise at her grim, rather disheveled father. He had just summoned her and her two younger sisters into the small, shabby library where he occasionally looked at the estate’s books. Oddly, he seemed sober—and it was almost half past four in the afternoon. What did he mean, exactly? “I know how precarious our finances are,” she said, but her smile was reassuring. “I am taking in additional sewing, Father, and I should be able to earn an extra pound every week.”
Her father made a discouraging sound. “You are exactly like your mother. She was tireless, Alexandra, tireless in her efforts to reassure me—right up until the day of her death.” He walked away, his posture slumped, and took his seat behind his equally worn and tired desk. It was crooked. One leg needed repair.
Alexandra was becoming vaguely alarmed. She had been doing her best to hold the family together ever since Elizabeth Bolton had died—no easy task, considering her father’s terrible penchant for gaming and whiskey, which only their mother had been able to restrain. The last time her father had asked her and her two younger sisters into the library, it had been to tell them that their mother was fatally ill. Of course, Elizabeth had been fading before their very eyes. The news had been heart wrenching, but not a surprise.
Elizabeth had died nine years ago. Since then, her father had lost all self-restraint. He did not even try to refrain from his bad habits. Corey was tempestuous by nature, and did as she pleased when away from Alexandra’s watchful eyes. Olivia had withdrawn into her world of watercolors and pastels, and although she seemed content, Alexandra despaired. She herself had given up true love to take care of them all. But there were no regrets.
“Someone must be cheerful,” she said with a firm smile. “We may be short on funds, but we have a fine home, even if it could use some repairs, and we have clothes on our backs and food on the table. Our situation could be worse.”
Corey, who was only sixteen, choked. After all, every rug in the house was threadbare, the walls needed paint and plaster, and the draperies were literally falling apart. The grounds were as bad, for their staff had been reduced to one manservant and the gardener let go last year. Their London townhome had been sold, but Edgemont Way was within an hour’s drive of Greenwich, fortunately or not.
Alexandra decided to ignore her rather reckless, very outspoken and terribly beautiful little sister. “Father? Your demeanor is worrying me.” And he was not yet foxed. He was always foxed well before noon. What did this turn mean? She couldn’t be hopeful. She knew he had no reason to try to change his dissolute ways.
The baron sighed. “My last line of credit has been squashed.”
Her unease escalated. Like most of their peers, they lived on rents and credit. But her father’s obsession with gambling had forced him to sell off their tenant farms, one by one, and there were only two tenants left. Those rents might have been enough to support the family if he didn’t game compulsively almost every single night. But he did game excessively and obsessively, so within a few years of their mother’s death, Alexandra had turned her love for sewing into a source of income for them, though it was, at times, humiliating. The very women they had once enjoyed teas and dinner parties with were now her customers. Lady Lewis enjoyed personally handing over her torn and damaged garments, while making a huge fuss at how “sloppy” the repairs were upon their return. Alexandra always smiled and apologized. She was actually excellent with a thread and needle, and until the downturn, she had enjoyed sewing and embroidery. Now, given a choice, she doubted she would ever thread a needle again.
But they did have clothes on their backs, a roof over their heads and food on the table. Their clothes were out of fashion and well mended, the roof leaked when it stormed, and their diet was generally limited to bread, vegetables and potatoes, with red meat on Sundays. But that was better than nothing at all.
And her sisters did not recall a time of luncheons and balls. Alexandra was grateful for