Skulduggery Pleasant. Derek Landy
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and Alex are sad sometimes. Sometimes they’re not friends, and they get sad because of that. But I never get sad, even when people aren’t friends with me.”
“You’re a smart girl.”
“Do you get sad?”
“Sometimes.”
“You should be happy like me.”
“I should, shouldn’t I?”
“What do you get sad about?”
“Different things. But it all goes away, isn’t that right? Even when you’re really sad about something, you always feel better after a while.”
“I don’t know,” said Alice, looking puzzled. “I’m always happy, I said.”
Valkyrie laughed. “Of course. Sorry. I forgot.”
“Do you want to see my other toys?”
“Sure.”
They stayed up there until they were called downstairs. In the kitchen, the table was already set and Melissa was carving the roast chicken.
Valkyrie’s stomach rumbled. “Oh, wow, that smells amazing.”
“How amazing?” Desmond said, his eyes narrowing.
“Very amazing.”
“Then would you be interested in a trade? This dinner for a teeny, tiny favour?”
“Des,” Melissa said. “She’s getting the dinner anyway. She doesn’t have to do anything for it. She’s our daughter.”
“What favour would that be?” Valkyrie asked, tensing despite herself.
Her parents exchanged a glance.
“We were wondering if you’d be free to babysit on Thursday,” Melissa said. “It’s our anniversary, and we thought we’d spend the day getting pampered in the Lakeview Hotel.”
Valkyrie hesitated. “Babysit?”
“If you’re not too busy.”
She looked at Alice. “Babysit this squirt?”
“I’m not a squirt,” Alice said, frowning.
“You’d have to pick her up from school at quarter to three,” Melissa said, “and we’d be gone until the next morning.”
“So I pick up this squirt from school, and then I get to spend the rest of the day with her? And she gets to spend the night at my house?”
Alice’s eyes widened. “Your house? Would I have my own bed?”
“You’d probably have to, wouldn’t you?”
Alice nodded quickly.
Valkyrie grinned, and shrugged to her folks. “I think I could manage that.”
“Yay!” Alice cried, thrusting both hands in the air and dancing.
Melissa laughed. “Everyone sit. Hope you’re all hungry.”
“I’m starving,” said Valkyrie.
“I’m starving, too,” said Alice.
Valkyrie sat at the table in her usual spot. It felt strange, especially with Alice settling into the chair beside her. But as soon as Alice was seated she hopped up again.
“I forgot Sparkles!” she said, and ran upstairs.
“Have you met Sparkles?” her dad asked, helping Melissa serve dinner.
“I have.”
“All her schoolfriends have them. They’re like that elf, you know, at Christmas, that comes alive when all the humans leave the room? Creepy little things. Expensive, too. You never had anything like that when you were a kid, did you?”
“Nope,” said Valkyrie. “No elves. No fairies. I didn’t even have an imaginary friend.”
“I did,” said Desmond. “His name was Barry. He was always getting me into trouble.”
“I didn’t have time to have an imaginary friend,” Melissa said. “I had a very full social calendar, even back then. I’ve always had lots of friends, actually. Then I got married and they all kind of drifted away.”
Desmond grinned. “That’s the effect I have on people.”
“I know you’re joking,” Melissa said, “but you can be quite rude.”
“It’s not me,” Desmond protested. “It’s Barry.”
Melissa sighed. “Gordon was the same. A wonderful man, such a big heart, but completely oblivious.”
“Yeah,” said Desmond, “we Edgley men are great.”
There was a knock on the door and Desmond went to answer it. Melissa put a plate of food in front of Valkyrie. Roast chicken, roast vegetables, peas, and the most perfectly roasted potatoes.
“Thank you,” said Valkyrie.
“Um,” said Melissa.
“Yes?”
Her mum winced. “We should have told you. I thought it’d be a nice surprise, but I regret now not telling you.”
“Not telling me what?”
“That was a lie. I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise – I didn’t tell you because I thought you might say no.”
“Say no to what?”
Desmond came back into the kitchen and Skulduggery stepped in after him, his hat in his hand.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said.
Valkyrie frowned. “I don’t get it.”
“We invited Skulduggery,” Melissa said.
“You did?”
Skulduggery tilted his head. “You didn’t know?”
Valkyrie held up a hand to him. “Hold on, you.” Then, to her parents, “How did you invite him?”
“We called him last night,” said her mum.
“How do you have his number?”
“You gave it to us, remember? In case you … weren’t in contact with us for any length of time.”
Valkyrie narrowed her eyes. “You were only supposed to use it in case of emergencies.”
“This is an emergency,” Desmond said. “A social emergency. We thought it was important that we all sit down and … chat. About things.”
“Do you mind?” Melissa asked. “Skulduggery is such a big part of your life. We want to get to know him – and we want to get to know you. Does that make sense? Is that weird?”
“It’s not weird, no, but it’s …” Valkyrie shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Skulduggery, take a seat.”
“Thank you,” Skulduggery said. “I thought you knew.”
“It’s cool.”
“I haven’t been invited to dinner in about three hundred years, so I said yes without even bothering to check.”
“People don’t invite you to dinner?” Desmond asked, putting a plate of food in front of him.
“I don’t eat,” Skulduggery said, and Desmond nodded, and took the food away. Alice came down the stairs and Skulduggery activated his façade, turning