CHAPTER TWO

      THE ward round with Richard had been an ordeal and Joanna knew she should have had more control. But she’d felt self-conscious. For no logical reason, she’d thought she had to prove she was a capable nurse; to show the man she had once been so dependent on that she’d managed to do something worthwhile with her life, something that didn’t hinge on her being the perfect wife and mother.

      On reflection she realised she’d been trying too hard. That realisation hadn’t stopped her going into panic mode when he’d asked to accompany her on her break.

      After the ward round finished she headed to the ladies’ and glanced at the mirror. She looked no better or worse than usual but needed a moment to herself before going back. She took a couple of deep breaths.

      A moment later, Tracey burst in and looked at her curiously.

      ‘Are you all right? You look a bit flushed.’

      ‘I’m fine. I worked a few extra hours yesterday and I feel tired, that’s all.’

      Without expecting a reply, Joanna left the restroom and hurried back to the main part of the ward, not wanting to keep Richard waiting. As she rounded the corner she saw him leaning up against the counter, all long legs, broad shoulders and sandy-coloured hair that seemed to have a mission to create its own style. He was deep in conversation with the pharmacist and looked up when she arrived.

      ‘I won’t be a minute,’ he said with a friendly smile and then resumed his conversation.

      How could he be so blasé when her emotions were in such turmoil?

      She busied herself by checking through a bundle of test results that had recently arrived.

      ‘Are you ready?’ He stood looking over her shoulder and she could feel his warm breath on her neck. As she straightened up and turned he paused for a moment, dangerously close to her, eyes searching hers as if for the answer to an unspoken question, before he stepped back.

      ‘You can finish what you’re doing. I don’t mind.’

      ‘No, it can wait. I have to be back by ten because Lynne has—’

      ‘A teaching session,’ he interrupted with a smile. ‘Where were you planning to go on your break?’

      ‘To the canteen, if that’s okay with you?’

      The expression on his face changed. The relaxed cheerfulness and downright charm he’d spread through the ward by the bucketload that morning vanished in the time it took Joanna to replace the pile of reports in the ‘in’ basket.

      ‘I was hoping for somewhere more private.’ Richard loosened his tie and then cleared his throat, the only indication he wasn’t as calm as he made out. ‘You must realise we need to talk, and the sooner the better. If we’re to work together…’

      ‘Yes, of course.’

      The space between them hung heavy with apprehension and she knew they had to reaffirm that the remnants of their marriage were unsalvageable. The debris of their broken relationship had to be tidily packaged and disposed of before they could comfortably move on and work together as part of the smooth-running oncology machine.

      ‘The sooner the better,’ she said quietly, and was glad Richard appeared not to hear.

      He began to stride towards the doorway leading out of the ward and Joanna found herself battling to keep up with his pace. When he reached the door, he waited for her to go through first. It was a gentlemanly gesture that reminded her again of the man she used to know.

      ‘Well? Have you any suggestions of where we could go without the company of half the hospital?’ He kept walking towards the lifts and stopped when he arrived, pressing the button to go down. ‘We could buy something to take away.’

      Joanna suddenly had no appetite as thoughts scuttled through her mind.

      Was it wise? To spend time alone with him?

      She’d thought she’d never see him again. Her life had been uncomplicated, her future predictable. But now…

      She didn’t have time to think of an excuse to back down, though.

      ‘What about the courtyard behind the clinics? It used to be so neglected…in fact, very few people knew it was there,’ Richard suggested, and smiled for the first time since they’d left the ward. ‘When I was an intern, about a hundred years ago, we used to call it lovers’ lair.’

      ‘Yes, it’s still there.’ Joanna looked away and somehow managed to suppress the bitterness that rose like burning acid in her throat. She’d been so young when she’d fallen in love with Richard. In her third and final year of nursing training, she’d naively thought she was a woman of the world.

      He’d been her first and only lover, though, and she’d never wanted to know about his past. Of course he would have had girlfriends before he’d met her and probably had spent more time than she wanted to think about in lovers’ lair. The fact that he was eight years older than her and had the kind of eye-catching good looks that stood the test of time…He’d probably also had lots of girlfriends since they’d split up.

      The secret garden was what she preferred to call the hidden patch of jungle tucked behind the outpatient block.

      Yes it was still there but she used it as a place of peaceful solace. She would often take advantage of the solitude the secluded area provided when she needed to compose herself, usually after one of her charges had died. Fortunately life, and remission from the terrible disease, was the more common outcome for children with cancer these days, though the word ‘cure’ was still used cautiously.

      ‘What’s the matter?’

      Richard’s words broke her reverie at the same time as the lift arrived.

      ‘Nothing,’ she lied. She wasn’t about to reveal to Richard that everything about being alone with him was the matter.

      A slight upward tilt of his eyebrows was the only indication he didn’t believe her.

      ‘Okay, let’s get some food and then we can talk.’

      The stilted conversation came to a standstill as they travelled to the ground floor but it didn’t seem to bother her companion.