Homegrown Hero. Khurrum Rahman
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I started with the soft approach.’Where is it?’
‘I’ve told you‚’ Jack glanced outside the window at the buses lit up within Hounslow Bus Garage. ‘I’m not telling you.’
I inhaled through my nose and gripped the steering wheel tightly. Even if I drove slowly I had maybe five minutes left of the journey. I loosened the grip and dropped my shoulders. He was observant‚ and I did not want him to see me tense. I turned the volume up on the CD player. In an effort to break him I had been playing Yellow Submarine on repeat‚ a song that he hated and one that I loved. It hadn’t worked though; I was beginning to despise it; I took a quick glance in the rear-view mirror and he was singing along.
‘Put it higher. This is my jam!’ Jack squealed‚ and I immediately killed the sound.
‘Jack. Listen... J-just listen.’ I stammered and realised that I was about to plead. I’ve never before bent over for anybody and I wasn’t going to start now. I pulled up at a red light and slipped the gear into neutral. I closed my eyes and tried to gather my thoughts and focus on my training. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It was a lifetime ago. A blare from the car behind broke me out of my thoughts.
‘It’s green‚’ Jack said.
His tinny voice echoed in my ears and I found myself grinding my teeth so hard that my temples started to rhythmically pulse. I slipped into first and set off with a stutter. I slid the window down and allowed the cold evening air to hit me‚ to jolt me into action‚ but I was fast running out of time and ideas. Jack sneezed. Gotcha! I moved my hand over the control panel and slid down every window. I eyed him through the rear-view and I could see Jack physically curl up into a ball‚ his shoulders hunched and his chin down to his chest. His bottom lip quivered. I almost‚ almost felt for him but instead I turned the air conditioning onto cold.
‘You okay in the back‚ Jack?’ I said‚ and with his chin still dug into his chest he lifted his big blue eyes at me and sniffed.
‘I’m fine.’
‘Bet you wish you wore a jacket now.’
‘I’m fine.’ He said‚ his face getting paler‚ angry goose pimples appearing on his arm.
‘You ready to tell me or do I go higher?’ I said‚ my hand hovering over the AC control.
‘Do what you like. Go higher.’
I could not believe it. Why was it so hard to break him? When had I become so terrible at this? All my training‚ all my discipline had left me. As always‚ at times of stress‚ my scalp started to itch‚ as though a thousand little spiders were dancing through my hair and it took all my will not to scratch the hell out of it.
‘You’re sweating‚’ Jack said. His chin was now raised and pointing at me in defiance. My hand was at my forehead wiping away the sheen of sweat. He smiled‚ goofy and mocking and I dropped my hand immediately to the gear stick and gripped it.
No more Mr Nice Guy. This ends now. I closed the windows and killed the air con.
‘I’m going to count to ten and if you haven’t told me where the remote is then I am pulling over and going to work on your fingers until you do tell me. Is that what you want‚ Jack? Do you want me to chop off your fingers?’
‘Why would I want you to chop off my fingers?’ He blinked lazily at me.
‘Because‚ you’re asking for it.’
‘I don’t remember asking to have my fingers chopped off.’
It was an empty threat‚ an ill-judged bluff‚ one that we both knew that I would never go through with. I could never harm a single hair on his dumb side parting. I had lost‚ convincingly. The night that I had waited so long for‚ ruined. All the planning‚ wasted.
I pulled my Prius up to the location a broken man. There she was‚ stepping out of her Golf‚ a stack of files balanced in her hands. She was wearing a fitted grey trouser suit with Adidas sneakers‚ her heels knocking around somewhere in the confines of her car. She kicked the door shut and turned to us just as I was getting out of my car. She smiled at me and as frustrated as I was I could not help but smile back at her. It held for a long second as our smiles had a silent conversation.
Her name is Stephanie Mills‚ and every part of me is in love with every part of her.
I opened the back door‚ my smile replaced with a snarl‚ and unstrapped Jack out of the car. I gripped the back of his neck and frogmarched him down the path. He shrugged his shoulders away from my grip and ran to her. His protector. His Mother.
‘Mummy‚ Imy opened all the windows and then he put the cold air on and I wasn’t even wearing a jacket and... And... And...’ He spurted in one breath‚ as I took the stack of files from her. She kneeled down and embraced Jack whilst giving me that look from over his shoulder. ‘And he said he’s going to chop my fingers off‚ Mummy.’
The look I delivered to Stephanie insinuated that it was all true. She stood up and smoothed down her suit as Jack scuttled behind her legs in mock fear.
‘I swear it’s like having two kids. Why do you two always have to fight so much?’
‘Ask him!’
‘I’m asking you‚ you’re the grown up.’
‘He’s hidden the remote control. El Classico is on tonight.’
‘El what? Forget it‚ I don’t want to know.’
‘It’s a silly football match‚ Mummy‚’ Jack said‚ poking his head around her legs. Stephanie shot a look at him and he retreated back.
‘So you’re not staying tonight?’ Stephanie asked. ‘You can watch it here.’
‘You can give me a bath‚ too and a bedtime story‚’ Jack chipped in.
‘I’ve made plans with Shaz tonight‚ kid.’
She placed the palm of her hands on my chest and patted it once‚ twice. Her hands lingered as she planted an overdue kiss on my lips and whispered. ‘Tomorrow? I’ll cook.’
‘Definitely‚’ I whispered back‚ my voice catching. Nearly three years together and her touch still made me want to forget the world and follow her voice‚ her smell. ‘Tomorrow.’
‘Say hi to Shaz from me. And Imy...’ Stephanie inclined her head towards Jack who was now sitting cross legged on the front lawn picking clumps out of the grass. I nodded at her and with a too quick peck she turned and walked into her house.
‘Alright‚ kid.’ I sat down opposite him‚ legs crossed‚ mirroring him.
‘Can’t you stay?’ His eyes everywhere but on me.
‘I would love to. But I’ve got things to do. I’ll come early tomorrow‚ we’ll have lunch together.’
‘I’m at school tomorrow‚’ Jack said‚ whine creeping into his voice.
‘How about I swing by after? Take you to the park or we can go on a bike ride. Your choice.’
‘Both… Can we do both?’
‘How about you ride your bike to the park. How’s that sound‚ kid?’
His eyes finally met mine and he nodded excitedly. ‘Are you doing sleepover tomorrow‚ too?’
‘I’ll bring my PJ’s. Let’s make a camp and sleep in there‚’ I said. ‘Now come on‚ bring it in‚ give me the good stuff.’ He stood as I got to my knees and gave me a hug that only a five-year-old could possibly give‚ nice and tightly fitting into my body. I kissed him on the head and hissed in his ear.
‘Where’s the damn remote?’
‘I’m not telling you‚’ he replied‚ whilst his hand