The Rancher's Surprise Daughter. Jill Lynn
Читать онлайн книгу.
shrugged, offering an olive branch. “So I thought I’d ask someone who does.”
Disbelief and curiosity warred on her face. “Since when are you a praying man, Lucas Wilder?”
“Since I left...” You. “...Denver. Once I moved back to the ranch, I was...” A mess. “I started going to church with my family and it was like something clicked. I’d never really wanted a relationship with God when I was younger, but something changed. And so did I.” At least he hoped he had. Luc sure hadn’t handled things well with Cate back when they’d been together. He’d done a lot of putting himself first. Had he appreciated Cate back then? Doubtful.
His immaturity during their relationship—including the fact that they’d been pretending to be adults when they were anything but—smarted like a hoof to the shin.
“Ruby and I...we go to church, too. I became a Christian about a year ago.” A begrudging tilt claimed her lips. “It’s the reason you’re standing here right now. Otherwise, I’m not sure I would ever have softened.” She shrugged, one shoulder lifting the messy ponytail that had loosened to cascade down her back.
Seeing Cate so casual tonight—without the armor of her well-put-together clothes and wearing very little makeup—made Luc flash back to their younger days. She’d been beautiful back then, but now there was something about her... Maybe it was peacefulness. He wasn’t sure. But he liked this casual side of her. Cate looked ready to snuggle up on the couch with a blanket and watch a movie. And the traitor side of him thought he should be the one tucked in next to her. She had that effect on him, and he was still furious with her.
What would happen if he actually managed to forgive Cate? Maybe that was part of the reason he didn’t want to—because Luc refused to go anywhere near the possibility for that kind of anguish again.
The kind they’d caused each other.
In all of his aggravation at Cate over the past week, Luc had conveniently forgotten one thing...his fault in what had happened. What he’d been like back then. Even before their last fight, he’d often been quick to tussle with her over the smallest things. They’d been so young, their relationship on fast-forward.
Luc had thought he loved Cate then...but now he wondered if he’d ever truly understood the definition of the word.
Since Cate had reappeared in his life, he’d been so focused on the mistakes she’d made in keeping Ruby from him that he hadn’t even considered his selfish decisions.
“I was a jerk when we were younger, wasn’t I?”
Cate had the grace not to answer him, but Luc knew the truth.
No wonder she hadn’t told him about Ruby. If it had been him in her shoes, he wouldn’t have contacted himself, either.
* * *
Cate had been in too many hard, unforgiving chairs in doctors’ offices like the one currently holding her, but today something was different. Luc occupied the seat next to her.
Ruby climbed all over him, the heat from his lanky frame seeping into Cate’s personal space. Of course, he hadn’t lost his temper once dealing with all of Ruby’s pent-up energy while they waited. But then, he’d only been acting as a parent for six days. He’d fail soon enough, and then she’d feel guilty for entertaining this thought process at all.
Cate had read enough about Ruby’s condition to know that not every office did nurse consultations before the procedure, but she was thankful theirs did. The more information she had, the better.
“Do they normally run behind?” Luc asked.
“Not too bad. If you have somewhere you need to be, you can go.”
His eyes narrowed at her sugar-sweet offer. “Trying to get rid of me?”
Yes. “No.”
The grin commandeering his mouth said he knew exactly what she was thinking and doing. Attraction came unbidden, a surprising shimmy in her gut. Down, girl. Not your candy.
He leaned closer, and her body sent off warning flares. Jump ship advisories blared. “I already told you that I’m here for Ruby no matter what. That I want to be a part of her life. The question is whether you’re going to let me be.”
Since when had Luc turned into this wiser, calmer version of the barely adult man she’d once known?
In the living room the other night, before they’d talked to Ruby, he’d even prayed with her. They’d stood three feet apart and been separated by miles of unresolved issues, but the prayer had held more intimacy than she’d expected.
Luc had asked God to show them what to say and what not to say and to give Ruby an open mind.
The prayer had worked.
When they’d told Ruby that Luc was her dad, she’d asked a few questions that they’d done their best to answer, but for the most part, she’d been more focused on the future than the past. Though Cate imagined those tougher questions would come with time and age, and it would be her job to do the explaining.
Then Ruby had asked if she was going to see Luc again.
Cate had pondered the same question many times as she’d contemplated telling Luc about Ruby.
In answer, Luc had held Ruby’s hand in his oversize one. He’d told her he would always be in her life—that they were a part of each other—and nothing would separate them again. Ruby had listened intently. The next day she’d started referring to him as “my dad” instead of “my friend Luc.”
After Luc had gone back to the ranch that night, Ruby had been unable to sleep from her excitement. She’d told Cate all of the things she wanted to do now that she finally had her own dad. As if she’d gone into a store and picked one out from the shelf.
Camping. Fishing. Where had Ruby come up with those ideas? Probably from a kiddo at day care. Riding a horse again. Cate wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or irritated at Ruby’s immediate acceptance of Luc.
Of course, she should feel the first. But the second was just so within reach. All of a sudden, their lives were flipped upside down—like a bug on its back, legs wiggling to find traction in thin air. Ruby felt okay with that, obviously, but Cate didn’t. She wanted safety back. She wanted to be the only one at this visit instead of one half of a parenting duo.
Cate was definitely having a hard time letting Luc into their lives. And the worst part was, he knew it. He knew her too well. She’d made plenty of changes in the years since they’d dated, but there was still a little girl living inside her who struggled with rejection and trust.
Who couldn’t forget the lessons her parents had taught her.
She’d been ten when her parents divorced. Some couples fought for custody because one parent was unstable or unsafe. Because they believed a certain home was the better place for their children.
But hers had simply fought to fight. It hadn’t been about protecting her, but more that they didn’t want to give in to each other. She’d been collateral damage in their war.
A lost girl who knew intrinsically she wasn’t significant in the grand scheme of their relationship or divorce.
Cate didn’t want that for Ruby. It was part of why she hadn’t told Luc about her. Cate was afraid of losing her daughter. Fearful that Luc would fight for custody and then Cate would be just like her parents—focused on a battle instead of on Ruby.
She wanted Ruby to always feel important. Loved beyond a shadow of a doubt. To never experience the tumultuous pieces of childhood Cate had.
Not that Cate could tell Luc all of that. He would never understand why she’d kept Ruby from him. No answer would be good enough, and she had to be okay with that. Just like she had to figure out how to be more Ruby-like about him being in their lives.
The door to the room